ログインI stare at my reflection. Hot? Smashable? Does she mean I have to be more popular now?I turn to Cortney, shaking my head violently. “No. No. I don’t want any of that.” I’m already content that the boy I want desires me — even if it’s only in secret.“Chancé.”“Cortney, I’m serious. I don’t want to be popular or talked about in that school… or anywhere. Sasha Mackline won’t like it if I suddenly get more attention than her. Her and her stupid followers will hate me.”She tilts her head, studying me. “So you like being popular for the wrong reasons? People are already bullying you, Chancé. Do you really want more of that when you could prove them wrong?”I shake my head and quickly move away from her, sinking onto the edge of the bed. Cortney won’t get it. Popularity isn’t for girls like me. My sister Mave is a different breed — sometimes I wonder if I was adopted. She’s so much like Mom. They know how to dress up. They’re naturally pretty. They don’t need a makeover to become “Barbie.
***~~~ CHANCÉ~~~***Since the last time River and I had sex, I’ve been thinking about that moment nonstop. I feel like a drug addict in withdrawal — conflicted, restless, and completely obsessed. Am I an addict? I don’t know, but if you can’t stay away from something and you obsess over it every second, then yeah… I guess I am. My drug is sex with River Dawson. I can’t stop craving it, so instead, I’m avoiding him.It’s been really hard. I’ve tried not to watch porn. I’ve tried not to open the hidden folder on my phone where I keep his picture to avoid touching myself. I’ve been avoiding their mansion like it’s radioactive. In the hallways at school, I check left and right before I walk, practically sprinting so I don’t bump into him.Cortney has been urging me to come over this weekend, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. This is Mission: Avoid River Dawson. I haven’t texted him either, and I’m kind of proud of myself for that. I don’t want to hurt Cortney anymore, so I’m trying
All afternoon, my mind has been racing.I only have a few hours left to figure out how to give Chan a makeover, and I still haven’t found the courage to talk to Cortney about it. Where will I even start? How will I even start? She will give me that suspicious look, start asking questions I can’t answer, and before I know it, everything will unravel. Our hidden affair will come to light, and it will ruin so many things between all of us.Cortney will hate me again. She has barely forgiven me for the Hazel and Rue situation.I remember the look in her eyes that day.It was a Friday afternoon. Practice usually ended early on Fridays. Instead of being on the ice, we went running. Coach said it was good for speed and endurance. We stretched to stay flexible when chasing the puck, raced against the track team, and ended the day just having fun.Hazel, Rue, and I had already planned everything. It was supposed to be our second encounter. The first one had happened at my family’s beach house
The last two days have been difficult, but training is finally starting to feel useful again. I hate to admit it, but training with Ricky is helping. I still don’t trust him. My gut tells me he wants to take everything from me. He’d told me he wanted Chan afterall— but he is pushing me harder than I’d pushed myself in weeks. I have improved. Coach even pulled me aside today and said I looked sharper on the ice. For the first time in a while, I feel like I am getting back on my feet.Still, something keeps nagging at me.Hazel’s words wouldn’t leave my head. She swore she had only told Rue about us — that they had just talked about the kiss in the locker room. But if that was true, how the hell did Rue get a picture of us? It didn’t add up. I shake my head, trying to push the thought away. I hadn’t even seen Rue at the game that night. Then again, the stands were packed. She could have been there.I had planned to corner her and ask questions, but practice has been brutal. Between Rick
The whistle cuts through the rink again. It annoys the shit out of me. “This is the fifth time,” I groan, dragging my stick along the ice as I turn to him. “You are enjoying this?”Ricky doesn’t even react. He just watches me with that calm, irritating look. Whistle dangling from his fingers. “Again, Dawson.”“It’s Captain to you.”“Well, act like one then,” he shoots back. “Because right now? You are playing like a first year.” My grip tightens. “Watch your mouth.”“Or what? You will miss another pass?” My jaw tightens as silence falls around us. I don’t argue again. Coach already gave him the authority. “Run it again.” He says. “Three man cycle. You, me, Riley.” Ricky glances toward the barricade. “Greens. Get in.”Riley looks between us, then hops over, adjusting his gloves as he skates in. “What’s the plan?”“One-on-one support play,” Ricky says. I skate back into position, muscles tense, frustration sitting heavy in my chest. The puck slides to me. The perfect angle. My inst
***~~~ RIVER~~~***I can still remember the look on Coach Hazard’s face. And how proud Ricky seemed about the whole situation.When we left his office, Ricky tried to talk to me, but I walked away. I couldn’t go back to practice. I was afraid my anger would erupt if I did. So instead, I called Chan. Sex was the only thing I knew that could relieve this kind of anger.I told the driver to pick me up and then come back for Chan while he waited around the corner so no one would suspect anything. During the ride, one thought kept circling in my mind: I wanted to take things to the next level with her. We had fucked a lot already, and I wanted to spice it up. One thing I knew about Chan was that she would always take it. She would always try to impress me. Sometimes I let her. Most of the time, I dominated.When I entered the shop, I kept my face mask on. I wasn’t ready for anyone to recognize me. The last thing I needed was news spreading the next day. If my parents found out I was doin







