Chapter 12

I don’t even know how to start this because it’s all just tangled and i can’t stop thinking about it, the clatter of keyboards this morning, copy machine humming, the stupid little noises that usually just fade into the background but today it was like every sound was pressing on me, loud but not loud, i don’t know, maybe i’m just too on edge. i was staring at invoices, pretending like i cared, but really i was just thinking about him, that guy, the hood, the camera, i keep seeing it in my head like snapshots, click click, except i don’t even know if he took anything but it felt like it. every time the front door opened my stomach did this lurch and i looked up like an idiot, half sure he’d walk in, lean the camera on the counter like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Dom kept moving in and out, carrying all those rolled up blueprints like he was hauling secrets around, talking to vincent, always with that tight clipped voice, not looking at me, like i’d done something wrong yesterday when all i did was ask him a normal question in the hall. but i swear his eyes slide away on purpose, like he doesn’t want me to see something, like he thinks i can’t handle it.

then the clock blinked twelve and i thought maybe food would help but my skin was crawling so i just grabbed my jacket. angela gone, vincent off-site, office too damn quiet, like the kind of quiet that makes you aware of every breath. i was heading for the door and then his voice, dom’s voice, behind me, low, too low, like he was keeping it secret even though nobody was there. got a minute? and my heart went stupid fast because why does he always sound like that, like it matters too much.

i turned and he just gestured, like, follow me. out the side door into the alley, smell of wood and diesel so strong it burned, sun on my face but i was cold. he stopped a little way out, not close to the street, like he was picking the spot on purpose, like he didn’t want anyone to hear.

you saw him again, he said. not even a question. i crossed my arms, told him yeah, twice. and his eyes flicked around the alley, sharp, like he expected the guy to pop out right then. then he says i need to stay away. stay away from who?? i asked, because i’m not stupid. the man with the camera? yeah, who else.

he said it doesn’t matter who he is, which is so ridiculous i actually laughed, like a short ugly laugh, because it does matter. dangerous, he said. he’s dangerous. but that’s all. like i’m supposed to take that and swallow it and not choke. i said if he’s dangerous i should know why, right? that’s normal logic. but dom just shifted his weight, clenched his jaw like he was biting back the whole truth.

he told me not to talk to him, not to go looking, come inside if i see him. like i’m a kid. like i don’t notice he’s hiding something. i said, so what, i’m supposed to ignore a stranger following me? you expect me to be okay with that? and his eyes locked on me so hard i felt it in my chest and he said i expect you to trust me.

and my stomach twisted because that’s not fair. trust without answers isn’t trust, it’s just blind. i told him that. i told him you can’t just say trust me and give me nothing back.

he didn’t answer for a long second, wind blew sawdust smell at us, a strand of hair stuck to my lip and i swear his eyes flicked there like he wanted to—i don’t even know, but then he looked away like it burned him.

he said this isn’t your fight. if you push, you’ll get hurt. like some kind of warning from a movie. and i said maybe i’m okay with pushing, which i’m not even sure i am, but i needed him to see i won’t just fold. his face did something then, frustration or fear or i don’t know, but he shut it down and left me standing in the sunlight with my pulse tripping all over itself.

back inside i sat at my desk, stared at my sandwich like it was some alien object, couldn’t eat, just tore little pieces off. dom stayed in the workshop, hammering, measuring, anything but being near me.

i couldn’t stand it so i grabbed a file, pretended i needed him. he was hunched over a workbench, scribbling, looked so closed off. i said you’re not getting rid of me that easy and dropped the file next to him. he didn’t look up. invoices, he said. like i was just his secretary. i said they’ll keep. who is he?

finally he met my eyes, hard, cold. someone who doesn’t play by rules, he said. someone watching for a reason. i asked watching me? silence. which is the same as yes.

so i said then i deserve to know why. and if you won’t tell me i’ll find out myself. he told me don’t. sharp, cut glass sharp. i flinched inside but didn’t let him see. i said i’m not going to sit here pretending, i don’t do secrets.

we stared at each other forever and he gripped the pen like he wanted to snap it. he muttered you’re going to make this harder than it has to be. i told him maybe it was already hard. then i walked out, felt his stare on my back like a touch i didn’t ask for.

the afternoon dragged, heavy, gray. every time dom passed through the front office i kept my eyes on the screen but i felt him there.

five o’clock. i grabbed my bag, ready to bolt. he was in the hall with a blueprint, looked like he might say something—soften maybe—but he just nodded, let me pass.

outside the air had cooled, sky smeared with pink and orange, almost pretty if i wasn’t so wound up. i glanced across the street, half sure he’d be there, hooded, camera at his chest. sidewalk was empty.

but that prickle, that pressure at the back of my neck. i felt it walking to my car. slid into the seat, gripped the wheel, told myself it was imagination. but deep down i know it’s not.

and i hate that dom knows more than he’ll say. i hate that i’m caught between scared and furious and—whatever else this is.