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Chapter Eleven
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Fear of Loss Chapter Twelve
Sunday, January 23,2022 3:40 p.m.I’m sitting on chair in my bedroom and thinking about my behavior with dad. I’m upset. I think I shouldn’t talk to my father like that. I have made a mistake. He must be angry with me and the most thing which is disturbing me is that he must be disappointed because I hurt him. I’m too bad. I should be satisfied and happy with my dad’s happiness but I’m too selfish. I hate myself but I hate Olivia more than anything. I just can’t see her in my house, with my dad. She is too irritating.“Hey.”I hear the voice behind me. The sound is very low. I don’t move.“Happy birthday, Emma.”This time the voice is high. I turn around and see Masson.Wait.What?What is he doing here? My heartbeat increases when I see him in my room. I become nervous. I look at window. He climbs in from window. Oh God. I have seen this in movies. And it’s my most favorite part of romance in movies. I can’t believe that it’s happening in my real life and my most favorite
Fear of Loss Chapter Thirteen
His car is on the other side of my home. We walk toward car. He opens the front door for me to sit. He sit on driving seat and starts driving. I don’t know where we are going and I really don’t want to ask him. I already allow him to take me where ever he wants. I stare at him while he is driving. I want to admire his features. I want to tell him that his eyes are as deep as ocean. I want to drown in his eyes. I want to tell him that his lips are like honey and he smells like mint.“Are you here?”He asks. I nod and smile. Why he asks that? He looks nervous. I don’t know why. I should ask him. But no. I’m not sure if he wants to talk me about his matters or not. I shouldn’t interfere. But I also want to interfere. I want to tell him that how bad I want to interfere in his life.“I want to blindfold you for a while.”He says. I let his words sink in for a while. Why he wants to do this? I stare at him for a while. He is grabbing a blindfold in his hand. I let him to blindfold me. I don
Fear of Loss Chapter Fourteen
He is looking into my eyes. He moves closer to me and kisses the upper lid of my left eye. I’m having butterflies. I can’t believe that how someone could love me this much. I never have noticed my eyes before. From now onwards my eyes are favorite part of my body.“Your hands are as soft as velvet. Your nose is cutest nose. And you know what, when you scrunch your nose, you look so beautiful”.He says. I laugh. I know I have bad habit to scrunch nose like little babies. I tried a lot to control this habit but I couldn’t. But. Wow. He loves this. He loves this part of me and now I love this too.He kisses my hand gently and kisses the tip of my nose and then rub his nose against mine. It’s too cute. He is adorable and he is invading me slowly and slowly. I want him to invade me completely.“You have best cheekbones.”He says and kisses on my cheeks.“And your lips are smooth, soft and are so pretty.”He is looking at my lips and I don’t know what he is about to do. Maybe he will kiss.
Fear of Loss Chapter Fifteen
Yes.I’m.In.Love.I know it’s unbelievable. The people who know me will definitely can’t believe this that I’m in love. Now I’m lying on Masson’s shoulder and feel the peace of his existence.And.Yes.I’mHappy.With.My.Peace.“Emma, this is the best time to know each other.”“Wanna know something about me?”He says. He looks serious. I’m too happy that he wants to tell me about his life, his past and his future plans.“Yeah, if you feel free to share.”I say. He smile and starts running his fingers into my hair. I feel sleepy as today I’m having this much peace for the first time in my life. He takes a deep breath.“So, I’m telling you about my family. We are two brothers. My younger brother is Grayson. My mom dad are separated. Mom lives with us and dad……”He pauses and swallow saliva in his throat. It seems like he doesn’t want to talk about his father. The name of his makes him sad.“It’s okay, I don’t want to know about him.”I say. I can’t see sadness in the most beautiful
Fear of Loss Chapter Sixteen
“Masson”, I call him. He looks at me. We are still on beech, sitting on beech sheet in each other’s embrace.The phone starts ringing. It’s my phone. Oh God who the hell is disturbing. I grab my phone from my purse and see Olivia is calling. I roll my eyes.Oh God. What a bitch she is.I murmur. I think her goal is to ruin my life and snatch away my loved ones.“Who’s calling?”Masson is looking at me.“Nothing important”, I say.“You can pickup the phone. I haven’t any kind of issue. Believe me”, he says.I tell him that there is nothing important. I don’t want to pickup her call. I don’t know why she is calling me. Is everything okay? Maybe she hasn’t find me in home that’s why she is calling me but she has nothing to do with it. She doesn’t care about my existence or absence, even she must be happy with my absence. I don’t know.My phone starts ringing again. This time I feel it in my stomach. I don’t know why but there is something wrong happening with my body. I quickly put phon
Fear of Loss Chapter Seventeen
Monday, January 24, 2022 2: 22 a.m.We are still waiting in the waiting area of hospital. Olivia is walking here and there in tension. I’m sitting on chair. I’m unable to move from here. I’m stuck here. Olivia is praying loudly for dad. I can’t speak. I can’t pray aloud. I’m just thinking about dad and praying for dad inside.God please.I…. I will never commit sin.Please save my dad.I need him.We need him.The doctor comes out of emergency room. Olivia runs toward doctor but I don’t. I haven’t any energy left to stand up. I don’t know what is happening. I feel something in my stomach.God.Please save dad.My body is shivering. I don’t know what will doctor say. I’m afraid. I’m too much afraid. I can’t listen doctor.Olivia moves behind and is crying hard. Why the hell is she crying? What happens?She.She…. She is crying.Why?No Emma, this isn’t like that. Don’t overthink. Everything will be fine. Dad will bee fine. We will live together. I will accept Olivia. I will a
Fear of Loss Chapter Eighteen
Monday, January 24, 2022 6:29 a.m.I’m still sitting on my room’s floor, crying. I can’t sleep till now. I’m too afraid. I’m unable to do anything. I’m having headache and body pain but I can’t move even to take a pain killer. I don’t need anything. I just want my family back. I can’t accept that I lost my family. I have lost everything. I lost my childhood. I lost my family. I lost my love. I lost my happiness. I lost my emotions. I lost my feelings. The only thing I gained is a fear. Fear of loss.And with this fear I can’t live happily. I just can’t. I want to die. I don’t want to be lonely.God.God please kill me.I can’t live with this fucking pain.The door bell rings. I don’t move. The door bell again rings. I can’t move. I stand up with the help of edge of bed. I move toward mirror, set my condition and wipe out my tears. I’m still same. I can’t show anyone my emotions and feelings because I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I pretend to be strong. But I’m not. I’m
Fear of Loss Chapter Nineteen
Three months later: Monday, April 18, 2022 6: 15 a.m. I wake up and watch time and a small yawn passes from my lips. I step out of bed, sit on bed for a while. I get myself ready to run. I wear my running shoes and dress, grab a bottle of water and leave the home. I inhale a fresh air and starts running. I really feel better running in the morning. It fades away all the tiredness, sorrows and pains from my life for some time. It helps me to heal somehow. I enter home after I finished my run. I move toward my room and go to bathroom, brush my teeth. I then take a shower and come out of bathroom. I dry my hair and quickly get ready for the school. I come out of my room and sit on dinning table to have some breakfast. “Good morning.” Olivia says. “Hello, how are you?” I ask. She tells me that she is okay and asks about me. I tell her that I’m good. It’s been three months that I and Olivia have accepted each other but I don’t call her as mom and she doesn’t call me her daugh
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