ログイン4 YEARS AGO.
It's the first day of school. My final year in this stupid ass place. I get up from the bed and Angie is there smiling at me. She squeals and runs to hug me. "You're going to be late. Get up." She's pulling me, but I let her. She's my baby sister so I have to tolerate her. "I should be telling you that. Why aren't you ready?" She lets me go and starts pouting. I squat to her level. "What's wrong? Why aren't you dressed?" "Because there's no one to. Daddy is gone, mommy is still asleep and Archie is with Vicky." I arch my eyebrows. "Vicky? Who the f- on earth is Vicky?" Angie is already leaving my room. I follow her to the living room. Andrez is sitting there all smiley and happy. I'm almost tempted to roll my eyes. "Andrez. Why'd you call him Vicky?" I ask my sister. She looks at me like I just asked the dumbest question and goes to the dining. I can see Archer from my peripheral view flipping pancakes. Vicky waves at me and my response is a nod. I look at my brother when I get to the kitchen. "What's with the look?" "What is Andrez looking for in our house? I thought that was a one time thing. " He ignores me and focuses on plating Angie's meal. Pancakes, eggs and sausages, just the way she likes it. I smile at her happy expression before returning to frown st my brother. "Do you even like him?", I'm whisper screaming. He looks at Angie but she doesn't even spare us a glance. Archer goes to the living room and I follow. Andrez is still seated very obediently. My brother could ask him to put his hand inside fire and he would. "I've gotta take a shower. I'll drop the three of you off. Ander, come get mom's breakfast." Mom takes only a slice of bread and coffee in the morning. She says anything else makes her sick. I'm not one to argue. I put it in a tray, adding an apple just in case her nausea starts acting up again. "Rise and shine. " She was already awake. The little... She spreads her hands out for a hug. I do hug her, relishing in her scent. "Good morning baby. Where are your siblings?" "Angie is eating, Archer is probably taking a shower. He's dropping us off." I hand the tray to her. She takes it with a smile. "Thank you baby. And yes, I told him to take both of you. I have a meeting in about two hours and I need to prepare. Your school does nothing but drain me. It drives me crazy." I laugh at her. Believe me, it's not an exaggeration. My principal is a pure lunatic. "I don't blame you though. I can only laugh at the horror that befalls Ander there." She holds her hands to get chest. "My poor boy. I'll pray for him." Her alarm goes off. "I need to get ready. You need to do so too." I get up, but not to leave. I go to mom's bathroom and start her bath. Warm to perfection. She blows me a kiss as I leave. I don't go to bath right away, I go to Archer's room first. He's just coming out of the shower. "Why aren't you ready? You're not going to make us late." "Fuck that. Explain what you're doing with Andrez. Are you gay?" "No I'm not. Are you happy?" "Then what the fuck are you doing with him. It's annoying seeing the way he follows you around like a fly." "I never told him to follow me around. That's strictly on him." I drop on my brother's bed, going through his antique magazine collections. I know he hates when I do it. That's why I'm doing it. "Well, if you didn't know, it's because you're putting ideas in his head." " Get off my bed. You're getting your fingerprint over it." "I'll leave when my question is answered. What's your deal with Andrez?" "Why the fuck do you even care? Please go away. Get fucking dressed." "Fine. Just be fucking careful. I'm going to get dressed now."Oh my goodness. I'm awake again. It's not a good thing to dread it, but I do. I wake up starving and run to the kitchen for anything edible or closely related to food. Archer has had groceries sent to me twice so far, so there's a decent amount of ingredients to choose from. I snack on the unopened tube of Pringles before making a cereal then an omelette then some toast. I may be eating a lot, but don't look it. I'm still skinny and maybe even paler than I was before. Checking my class schedule, I have 3 classes today, the first one starting in about an hour. I could skip, like I've been skipping but it's about time I go back to living a normal life. Nothing about the last few months have been normal, and I'm trying to end the trend of crazy. I take a relaxing shower and apply my makeup. It's minimal, just to hide the eye bags and my droopy cheeks. After one last fit check, I leave. My taxi is waiting for me right on time but I get to the class a little late. The professor allows
I would've stayed asleep longer, but the growling coming from stomach or the gnawing of my intestines steal the sleep from my eyes. I roll around a couple times, and search on the nightstand for anything edible I might've left on it. There's nothing there. Few days ago, I googled why I didn't have an appetite. It was concluded — by website links that had already turned purple — to be anorexia. The only problem with believing that, is that I'm not actually anorexic, or I don't think I am. I would say I don't have a distorted body image, but I don't think i have an image at all. I've sort of been living in this bubble for a while now. A bubble where I exist and don't at the same time. A therapist would have answers to all this shit, I just need to get one first. I drag myself up, and to the bathroom. While on the toilet seat, I stare at the mirror staring at me. I'm speechless. That isn't me, is what I would've said if I didn't know it was me. Sunken cheekbones, hollow eyes, scars ev
It's been a few days since I was admitted into the hospital. I was supposed to be discharged 2 days ago, but I had another concussion. After a long conversation with the doctor, I was given the card of a psychiatrist. Wow, guess I'm no longer good at hiding my crazy. I stare at the card over and over again. So intently that I don't realize Brie — the nurse that has been taking care of me — walk in. "Hey sweetie, good morning. How are we today?" Brie is a kind nurse in her mid thirties with bright eyes no matter how deep in her shift she is. She's so good to me and honestly, that's exactly what I need. "I feel like shit." I straighten my back and rub my face. From the mirror across the room, I know I look like shit, I can see it in my hideous reflection. Unless the person staring back at me isn't me, which I'm sure is. Brie arranges my hair, not like that does anything because it falls right to where it was before. "Do you wanna talk about it?"She knows a little bit about the Math
I'm there again, the black void that consumed me for years, that haunted me. I can hear Angie. Her laughter. She always told me jokes I only appreciated because no one else was going to. Normally, every time I was here, she was crying. She screamed and yelled at me for putting her in this place. Owen told me it's not real. It was the guilt making me see things. I know that's the truth, but we as humans love lying to ourselves. "Angie?" I call out once her laughter morphs into tears. "Where are you Angie? Speak to me."Her figure forms, and it feels like I release a breath I've been holding for years. All the other times I was here, Angie was covered in blood. Sometimes missing limbs, other times missing hair. She always looked like she came straight out of a horror movie. But now, she's wearing her favourite dress, it's a ladybug design. She loved it because Ander bought it for her on her birthday. She looks at me. No guilt, no contempt, no hatred. And the corners of her lips twitc
I haven't slept in days and it's showing. My hair is all over the place and my eye bags are the colour of my hair. I drag myself out of bed to consume the only thing keeping me alive. Coffee. Loads and loads of it. Vicky hasn't come back home for days now. I have looked everywhere I can possibly look, but nothing. It's like he disappeared into thin air. Thoughts run through my mind like a marathon. Something tells me he's running away from me. I'm not delusional enough to know that's not true. I finish my 3rd cup of coffee, would've taken more but my stomach is about sick of caffeine. My shower is hurried and so is my dressing. I can't afford to take more time than necessary.The only place I haven't gone is my family home. Initially, I never thought Vicky would be there. I'm sure he resents Ander too. Not as deeply as his resentment for me, but enough that he wants nothing to do with him. I don't blame him, I don't want anything to do with myself either. But I don't have a choice.
Archer did. You didn't kill Angie...Archer did. I'm numb. Physically and otherwise. I stare at my hand in Archer's. I should remove them. I should run away from him because he's the sick bastard that made me suffer, but I don't move. I watch him beat up Ander. Probably to kill him the way he killed Angie. But why would he kill his own sister? I'm trying to make it make sense. "Stop throwing a tantrum," my mouth says before my brain can decide if that is a bad idea or not. "Talk to me Archer. What the hell is Ander saying?"But he doesn't talk to me. He's in the position of straddling his brother and staring at his blood covered knuckles. "Talk to me," I repeat. Frustrating growing in my voice. "I said you should talk to me Archer. Fucking speak to me! Explain what he said."This is not the time to have a panic attack, even though it feels like that. I breathe, out of every hole in my body, to stabilize myself. "Archibald." I call him and he flinches. I hit him the first time, th
It's 11:47 am right now. I've been up since 5 a.m because of Jesse. Today is Ander's birthday and he's planned a huge surprise party. Ander as usual went out for a party. Jesse is a hindered percent sure he won't be conscious till noon, so we don't have to worry about interruptions. "Vicky, have y
Vicky has gone to bed now. We watched the series for about 3 hours. It's almost 1 a.m now. There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep, so I'm squatting in front of the pool drinking dad's never ending stash of wine. One advantage of being filthy rich is getting debited and not even noticing it. Th
I hate classes that end in the evenings. Although they encourage me to sleep early or stay in, they also make me feel like murdering myself. I pick up my phone and check the time. It's 17 minutes to 5, and this Professor doesn't seem like they are leaving. My eyes close as I let my mind drift. Som
I run after Ander as he pulls Vicky away. They're about to get on his bike, but I grab Vicky. My brother turns ready to swing another punch. I'm barely able to block it."Stop hitting me! I'm older than you." My throat is heavy, like there's vomit lodged in there. I swallow and try to grab Vicky ag







