Chapter 4

GREY

Ok. So lets take stock here.

I’m a giant ticking time bomb and if I don’t find my fated in a few months, I’ll go insane and tear the unit apart until they either have to kill me or I kill myself.

This is just perfect.

The pills the doc gave me are helping. I’m not my old self, but I’m able to function to a point where people aren’t questioning me anymore.

I’m certainly not dancing down the hall normal. I just feel numb at this point. My emotions are suppressed. I’m glad for it, but I kind of hate not feeling anything.

I’m pretty much robotic at my training sessions.

During sparring, I’m working with a kid named Dell. He’s been struggling with offense so I’ve been working with him.

I’m showing him a one two move and I accidently broke his arm. I didn’t even flinch.

“Oh, sorry about that.” Was pretty much the only thing I could say as the poor bastard writhed on the ground.

Blade ran over and dropped next to the kid. He looks up at me. “What the fuck man?”

I shrug. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” And I walk away to go spar with someone else.

At lunch, I couldn’t care less that Mindy and her luscious long legs slid onto the bench next to me.

“Hey.” I said and bit into my sandwich.

She got zero reaction when her hand slid up my thigh to my bulge. My dick didn’t even feel it.

“You want to take me back to your place?” She drawls as she basically gives me an over Jean hand job.

“No.” I say with a full mouth and take another bite.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Eventually, she got bored and left and I didn’t even fucking care.

OK. I’m may be starting to really hate this now.

I decide to go back to the doctor.

I’m seated back on the bed.

“What’s the problem, Grey?”

“I can’t feel anything now.” I say in a low voice.

He nods. “That’s the pills. They’re working.”

“Yeah but, I broke a kids arm by accident and didn’t care. The hottest blonde in this place was paying attention to me and I basically did nothing. I can’t function like this.” I lean on my knees.

“Well, if you stop taking the pills you’ll be out of control again. Is that what you want?” He folds his arms.

“No, but don’t you have anything weaker?” I ask.

“No. I’m sorry. The mate bond emotional overload is very strong. Especially for someone in your case whose gone for this long. I’m afraid it’s all or nothing.” He claps my shoulder and leaves the room.

I sit and think for a moment and head back to my room.

I lay on my bed listening to ‘Born to be Wild’ by Steppenwolf. Twirling the bottle of pills in one hand with the other behind my head. Rolling the decision over in my mind. Biting my cheek, I’m deciding whether to take my next dose or not. I lean over and throw the bottle in my end table drawer. I can do this.

I lean back and fall asleep to my music.

****

It’s dark. There’s trees everywhere. I’m in the forest. The moon is high through the massive trees. Like redwoods.

I feel my nervous breath breathe out as my paws stalk quietly through the woods.

I look down to light paws. These aren’t mine. They’re small.

Prowling low, I see the others get into position. They’re white. Dragons. What the hell am I doing with Dragons around me? They’re not attacking. I seem to be with them.

As I move silently through the trees, I see a village. Small hut like houses. It’s quiet. There’s no movement.

From the darkness of the village, I hear growls. A large shaggy black wolf emerges from the shadows.

“Attack!” A man with brown hair and an evil look on his face yells.

I’m running and battle ensues in the village. The shaggy wolf fights the Dragons

I’m attacking the other fighters. We all fight viciously.

“YOU CAN THANK LUCIUS FOR THIS DEVLIN!” the man yells.

I look at him. I feel regret and confusion. Then I feel immense pain as a wolf clamps down over my ribs and starts to crush them. I yelp loud which gets other Dragons over and they try to pry the wolf off me. I kick wildly to escape, screaming and yelping.

The man shifts and runs to me. The wolf gives one last crushing blow.

“AHHHHH!!” I’m thrown off my bed onto the floor.

‘Don’t worry, love. I got you…” A lingering voice in my head fades away as the white blinding light of severe pain hits my side.

I’m on my elbows and knees. I’m whining and breathing rapidly. Spittle falling from my lips as my head hangs between my arms.

I carefully get up.. “Fuck...” I reach for my shirt and lift it up. My entire side is black. I feel it. Wincing at the feel of at least two broken ribs.

Breathing fast, I lower my shirt. “What the fuck?” I whine.

I struggle to get to my feet and I have to use the wall for support as I walk to the infirmary

“Sorry for the late hour, doc, but you told me to call you if something came up.” I reach back and take off my shirt.

He looks in amazement. “Were you attacked?” He says lightly touching the giant black bruise.

“Yeah, I was. In a fucking dream!” I scowl.

He looks up at me. “A dream.”

“Yeah.” I bark.

“Did you fall on something or hit the bed frame?” He looked closely.

“There’s a fucking bite pattern, doc. No I didn’t hit the bed frame.” I cinch my brows together.

He stand up, folds his arm and starts to rub his chin. “Did you take the medication?”

 I pull my shirt back on over my head. “Not exactly.” I mutter.

“What does that mean?” He ticked his brow up.

“Ok, no. I missed one dose.” I say holding my side.

“Only one dose?” He sounded shocked

“Yeah.” I nod. “Doc, what the hell is this? Since when do dreams actually fucking hurt.”

“Did you experience anything else? Smells, sights…” He asks.

“All of it. I was there. Like actually there only…I wasn’t me. I was in someone else, but I felt the feelings. Whoever it was got bit and I woke up with this.” I point to my side.

He shakes his head. “I don’t believe it.”

“What?” My brows go up.

“Well, obviously, this is just a theory, but…it sounds like the person in your dream was your mate. Where ever she was, she got hurt and through the bond, you got hurt. Tell me, these emotions, you ever feel anything that you really shouldn’t be feeling. Like emotions that feel out of place?”

“Yeah. Especially at night.” I supply.

“What do you want to bet that this bond is basically a highway between you two for emotions and experiences.” He rubbed his chin.

I sit up still holding my side. The pain is subsiding. “Hold up. So all the anger and fear and dread I’ve been feeling is coming from her?”

“Sounds like it?” He nods.

“Ok, so she’s feeling my feelings?”

“In theory.”

“She’s taking all my happy feels and throwing me her crap?” My jaw ticks.

He clears his throat. “Pretty much.”

Fuck. I have to find this girl and deal with this fated stuff before this chick kills me.

****

After the doctors visit, I need to get my head straight.

I can’t shift, but a walk through the woods will be just as good.

I throw my ear buds in and turn on my Playlist. I walk listening to ‘Always' by bon Jovi.

I’m kicking leaves. My hands are in my pockets. I feel awful. My life is a complete mess. I lean against a tree and slide down it. Carefully sitting on the ground. I put my elbows on my knees and run my hands through my hair.

This has got to be the cruelest joke ever. Dead by imaginary girlfriend has got to be one for the record books.

I want to scream. It’s fucking torture. All those other Jerks got their happy mate bonds and mines going to kill me. I don’t even know her fucking name.

I stand up and turn to walk down the path more when I get a whiff. Somethings on the air. Something familiar.

My heart races. I suck in a breath.

I slowly take out my ear buds.

Holding my ribs, I take a couple steps. I let out the shaky breath I was holding.

The air around me is thick. I’m nervous as fuck.

I take more steps looking around the trees.

I’m afraid to breath, but I do.

“Strawberries.” I whisper.

I hear leaves crunch. I turn my head in the direction of the sound.

I slowly walk toward it. Her scent is everywhere. Filling me to the brim. My heart aches.

I hear a twig snap from another spot. I swallow.

Taking some more slow steps.

“Hello?” I whisper.

My heart jumps in my throat when a small voice comes from the trees. “Hello.”

I look and then I spot her. My absolutely beautiful foxy lady.

She’s hiding behind a tree. I can see her long, sandy blonde hair. One of her big, gorgeous brown eyes and her pink, full lips. She looks scared.

“I won’t hurt you.” I say softly. “Please come out.”

She nervously shakes her head no.

My chest hurt that she won’t come to me, but I’m not going to push it.

I sit down on a log. My eyes meet hers. She staring at me like I’m something alien to her.

Her slim slender fingers sit up by her face on the trunk of the tree. Her nails pick at the bark.

I smile. Leaning on my knees, tapping my fingertips together. “What’s your name?” I glance at her.

She shakes her head no.

“Ok, foxy lady, it is then.” I smile. “My names Grey.”

“Grey? Like the crayon?” She says quietly.

I chuckle. “Like the crayon.”

“I like the color grey.” I think I saw her mouth tick up slightly.

“I do too.” I smile.

“Where do you live, foxy lady?” My eyes met hers again. My hearts beating a mile a minute.

Again, she shakes her head no.

I tap my fingers and press my lips together. “Ok. Why are you here?”

Her eye turns to the trunk and she shrugs.

“Do you need help?” Her eye immediately flicked to mine and her jaw went slack.

She shook her head no, but I feel like it’s a lie.

I scoot to the end of the log. She flinches and moves behind the tree more. I put my hand up and slow down my movements.

I sit down. I point to the other end. “I promise. I’ll stay right here.”

Her eye is searching me. A look of concern crosses her face, but I can see she’s thinking about it.

This whole exchange is torture. All the feelings of that first night have flooded back. It’s killing me to take this slow when I have this massive urge to jump her and mark her right here.

I slightly nod to her. “I promise.” I whisper.

She slowly steps out from the tree. She’s so tiny. Barely five feet. She can’t be more than a hundred pounds. She’s wearing grey leggings with an oversized grey sweater. A pair of black boots and black skirt. Also a small, white shirt.

She takes small steps. Her arm is wrapped around her waist and her other hand is hiding her mouth behind the sleeve of her sweater. She walks to the log and cautiously sits down. Not looking at me. She scoops her hair to the front and starts to run her hands over it. It must be a coping mechanism.

Every once in a while, she quickly looks my way, but never making eye contact.

I pull out my ear buds and she flinches. I’ve never seen anyone so jumpy before. I don’t know where she’s coming from, but it can’t be good judging from her behavior.

“Do you like music?” I place the ear bud on the log.

She looks at it and looks at me.

“Like this.” I put my ear bud in my ear so she can see how it works. “Go on.”

She picks it up and looks at it again then looks at me.

“That’s it. Put it in your ear.” I speak softly.

She puts it in her ear. I make sure the volume is low and play ‘When I See You Smile' one of my favorite Bad English songs. Her face almost lights up. She quickly turns her head to me then straight ahead. She’s looking at the trees. A small smile tugs at her lips. Her face is filled with wonderment. Like she’s never heard music before. She leans her elbows on her knees and covers her mouth with her sweater sleeves. Staring at the treetops, she just sits and listens.

As the song plays she lets out a quiet giggle. I felt like a damn hero. It was the sweetest sound I had ever heard in my life. I could tell she was smiling behind her sleeves.

I look at her. Studying her body. The curve of her cheekbone. Her soft jawline. Her long lashes. Committing every inch of her to memory. This woman is mine. All mine. I don’t know her. Don’t know her name, but I feel myself falling already. She’s so sweet and soft. I want to worship her. Cover her in kisses and treat her like the tiny princess she is.

She glances at me like she’s trying to put things into perspective. Trying to piece it together. I see her eyes slightly glass over as her shy smile hides behind her hands.

I hit stop and her face darkens. She pulls the earbud out and quickly puts it on the log. She watches me carefully as I pick it up and put it in my pocket. Her smile faded.

After a moment, her eyes caught mine then turned away. She covered her face with her hair.

“Grey?” She said quietly.

“Yes, foxy lady.” I smile.

“What are you?” Her eye met mine. I could get lost in those big, brown eyes. Every flutter of her long lashes matches my thumping heart.

“I’m yours.” I bite my lip. “If you’ll have me.”

“Grey?! You out here?” A voice came up the path.

My foxy lady started to panic.

“No. No. it’s OK. Don’t worry.” I put my hands up.

She looked around wildly and started whining.

“It’s OK. You’re safe. Don’t ……” She ran out of there and away from me like her hair was on fire.

I stood up, wincing at my ribs.

“Wait!......please.” I flopped my arm to my side and hung my head.

“Hey! Who were you talking to?” Wes climbed up the path to where I was standing.

I turned. “Nobody. Just a fox.” I started down the path.

“A fox?” He arched a brow. “Cool.”