Chapter 15: Awakening Hunger

Selene

It was silent now, but the silence did not come quietly.

It came after the storm had passed. It felt like the world had stopped moving because it was ashamed of what had happened.

I lay beneath Cassian, my back still throbbing from the stone that had borne the brunt of our recent struggle. My arms, once tense with resistance, now calm and unresponsive, as if they had been removed from my body. The fight had been drained from them, leaving them feeling foreign and useless, like they no longer belonged to me.

The dagger had vanished. I heard the sound of it hitting the stone floor before I actually saw where it was. It spun around slowly, as if it was checking out its surroundings, before coming to a stop in the dark.

No one picked it up.

Not Cassian, Not me.

The air felt strange like it was waiting for something to happen.

It was waiting for me to change.

I inhaled deeply, but the air trapped in my throat, feeling almost jagged as it went down.

I tried again, but something still didn't feel quite right. My breathing was not normal, it was like my body had a mind of its own.

Then I felt a heartbeat.

At first, I thought it was mine. It was not regular like it was reacting to something. It was like my emotions were controlling my heart, and not the way around.

A faint ringing started in my ears.

It was soft at first, then it got louder and started to hurt. It felt like a storm was building up inside my head.

Cassian was still on top of me.

He was too close.

I felt his grip on my wrist loosen, slowly and carefully. He knew something was happening before I did. When he let go of my wrist my body did something that felt like a sudden jolt of energy had shot through my arm, like a spark of electricity.

My heart was racing like crazy, it was pounding so hard and it actually hurt. I felt like it was going to burst out of my chest at any moment.

Cassian's face changed.

He did not look confused.

He looked like he recognized something.

The room appeared to be different, but actually, it wasn't. The light did not dim. It flashed. It was like reality was not sure of how to behave around me.

The shadows in the room started to get really dark, and it looked like they were actually moving around.

My vision got sharper, too sharp. I could see the dust in the air like it was a million worlds. I could see the threads in Cassian's coat, every one of it. I could see his neck and the pulse beneath it.

Everything was too clear.

It was like I could see everything and it was too much.

I stopped breathing for a moment, but it wasn't because I was frightened, it was because I was focused.

Then reality hit me, not slowly or gently. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, something that had been bottled up for so long had finally been unleashed, and I was free to be me.

I gasped as my hands went to my throat.

There was nothing there, there was no wound, no mark. Nothing 

It's like there was this huge empty space inside me, and I couldn't catch my breath, like I was suffocating on thin air.

Cassian moved. Not because he was in control but because he was alarmed and it showed on his face.

"Selene, " he said with a sharp voice. It wasn't something you had to do, but more like a heads up, a warning to be careful.

He knew what was happening.

That realization hit me harder than the pain.

He looked at me like he was trying to see something that was not visible.

"This is instability, " he said quietly.

He was talking to himself like he was trying to convince himself that it was not as bad as it seemed.

But it was bad.

Everything was too loud.

I could hear the fabric of Cassian's coat, the sound of his breathing, the sound of water dripping somewhere.

Everything felt overwhelming, like it was all happening at once and was just too real.

Then the smells came.

The smell of stone, old wood, iron and blood.

It was barely noticeable, but somehow it still managed to linger, refusing to disappear completely.

Beneath it all I could smell life.

Every living thing around me was announcing its presence like it had been hiding until now.

My stomach twisted and I felt sick.

I attempted to make a move, to escape from it all, to just get away. I reacted before I even thought about it.

This was instinct, not training. It was something I did not recognize.

Then I looked at Cassian.

Not at his face but at his throat.

The pulse there was loud like a drumbeat in my head.

I did not want to look but I could not stop.

My body suddenly leaned forward, like it was doing its own thing.

Cassian took a step closer to me, but I could tell he wasn't trying to hold me back or keep me in place.

He was trying to calm me down.

That was the problem.

He spoke in a soft, gentle tone, as if he was trying not to scare someone away.

"Stay with yourself, " he said.

"Breathe, anchor."

Anchor.

I tried to focus, to anchor myself.

I dug my nails deep into my skin, feeling a surge of pain as I squeezed my arms tight.

Pain was supposed to ground me to remind me who I was. But it did not work.

"Don't " I said, my voice breaking.

It did not sound like me.

It sounded like something that was drowning.

Cassian took a step closer, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind - was he being incredibly brave, or just plain stupid?

"He spoke softly, his words calm and reassuring, 'I'm not here to harm you,' he said, his gentle voice a stark contrast to the uncertainty of the moment."

"I'm here to keep you from losing yourself."

That was when something inside me broke.

Hunger was not emotion, it was not desire. It was something that took over, something that replaced my identity.

My vision narrowed down to one point.

One pulse, one rhythm, one existence.

Everything else just faded away and all I could focus on was that one thing, it was like nothing else existed.

My body moved, not conscious, not fully mine.

I lunged at Cassian and he reacted instantly.

But it was too late.

Something had already shifted inside me. I saw everything in slow motion.

As I watched, Cassian's hand began to rise, and somehow, my body reacted, moving on its own, as if connected to his action.

Beneath it all, something else woke up.

Something that did not belong to me anymore.

Something that did not care what I used to be.

The world shifted and I stopped being sure where I ended and it began.