Chapter 4

ADRIANNE

  Ang sumisilip na liwanag mula sa siwang ng makapal na kurtina ang sumalubong sa akin. Gumalaw ang mga mata ko. Gumala sa kabuuan ng kwarto kung saan malinaw kong nakikita ang hindi pamilyar na kagamitan, kulay ng dingding at amoy ng humahalimuyak na Jasmine scented candle.

  I panic and instantly check my body underneath this blanket covering my frame. I sighed in relief as soon as I confirmed myself still fully clothed. I moved the blanket off my body and sat at the edge of the bed trying to recollect the memories of last night's evwnt and who brought me into this unfamiliar room but I let out a groan as my head started pounding hard. My head is throbbing violently cause me to shut my eyes tightly.

  Tinaas ko ang mga kamay at sinubukan masahein ang magkabilaan kong sintido. Pumipintig na para bang minamartilyo ang bawat ugat sa ulo ko. Uminom ako dahil sa sama ng loob. Sa limang taon ko sa organisasyon ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng disappointment sa sarili ko. I felt useless. Pakiramdam ko I failed Uno. I failed the parents of the lady who is now gone in my care. Hindi ko matanggap na sa simpleng trabahong inatang sa akin ay hindi ko nahawakan ng maayos.

  My jaw clenched at the thought lingered in my head. How am I became so stupid. I remember the man I saw inside the elevator. The scratches in his neck and hand. Hindi na siya nawala sa isip ko simula pa kahapon. At kailanman hindi ako nagkakamali sa mga kutob ko. Sana lang ay mahanap ko na ang demonyong kumikitil sa buhay ng mga estudyanteng pilit inaabot ang kanilang mga pangarap.

  "You're awake" mabilis dumako ang mga mata ko sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Hindi ko namalayan ang pagbukas ng pintuan sa lalim ng iniisip ko. The door was slightly ajar and Amber was there standing looking at me with much concern in her eyes. I got confused. Why is she here? She was staring at me. I dropped my hands on my lap and slowly nod my head. She's wearing a loose shirt and short shorts. She's smiling softly. Amber doesn't know about Uno yet. She doesn't know the existence of her real father. How Uno trying to protect her since she was a kid.

  "Come at the kitchen I have medicine for your hangover. And I also cooked breakfast for us" she said eyes locked onto mine. There was softnes in her voice. I nodded my head once. Sinara niya ang pintuan ng dahan dahan ng tumango ako bilang pagsang ayon.

  Kumunot ang noo ko. Pilit inaalala ang nangyari kagabi. I was drinking alone as I remember. I invited no one nor talked to someone. My memory from last night was a blur. I am trying to catch each detail from last night's event but nothing is clear which is leaving me really confused.

  What if Asher is here? Did she saw me already? Fuck. The thought of her see me devastated and wasted last night made me even more disappointed at myself. She must be mad at me that's for sure. She kept telling me, reminding me before not to drink yet last night I let myself drowned with alcohol. Great. Now she must be disappointed in me too.

  Hindi ko na tuloy alam ang gagawin. Nagtatalo ang isip ko kung lalabas ba ako sa kwartong ito o mananatili nalang muna rito. But no matter how much I try to run or iwasan siya ay dadating at dadating din naman talaga ang panahon na magkikita kami ulit and I think the time has come already. And I cannot run from it anymore.

  Tumayo ako ngunit ang ulo ko ay tila ba lalong tumindi ang pagkirot. Napasapo ako sa aking sintido. I head to the bathroom and fix mysleft at pagkatapos tinungo ko ang pintuan at hinuli ang knob. Ngunit tumindi ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Nanginig ang mga kamay ko sa emosyong ngayon ay naglalaro sa kabuuan ko. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Halo halo ang emosyon ko. Natatakot at kinakabahan but at the same time I feel excited knowing the fact that I'll get to see her this early.

  What would she look like in the morning. I want to see her angelic face fresh from bed. Bare face. But no matter how she looked, there was no doubt that she will always be the prettiest woman in my eyes and no one will surpass that.

  Dahan dahan pinihit ko ang knob ng pintuan. At habang pinipihit ko ito ramdam ko ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. I've been watching her from afar but she never knew I was there. She never knew my existence near her. And now here I am. Feeling the overwhelming emotions na tanging siya lamang ang may kakayahang magbigay ng ganitong mga pakiramdam sa akin.

  Nang mabuksan ko ang pintuan, bumungad sa akin ang saradong kwarto kaharap ng kung saan ako nakatayo. Dalawa lamang ang kwarto dahil paglingon ko sa kaliwang bahagi naroon ang kulay kremang L-shape na sofa. Hindi kalakihan ang condo. At wala pa akong ideya kong nasaan ako. Ang alam ko lang ay nasa condo ako dahil nang sumilip ako sa siwang ng kurtina sa loob ng kwarto ay nasa mataas na bahagi ako ng building.

  May narinig akong ingay na tila ba may nagtitimpla ng kape. And then the aromatic of a brewed coffee filled the air. Ang bango na tila iniimbitahan ako. Tinungo ko ang pinagmumulan ng ingay and there she was. Amber's back facing me. Sa maliit na lamesa ay may nakahain na toasted bread, apat na pirasong sunny side eggs, hotdogs at bacon. Pagharap niya ay may hawak siyang dalawang mug na umuusok pa ang bunganga. Her eyes immediately found me. Ngumiti siya sa akin at tinaas ang isang mug na hawak.

  "Coffee?" she's inviting me. I nodded slowly. She's alone and that made me calm somehow. Dahan dahan akong lumapit sa mini kitchen niya at inabot ang mug mula sa kanya. Her smile never fades like she'd known me long enough. Umupo siya at maingat na hinipan ang mug at humigop ng kaunti. There was awkwardness between us and I can feel that she's trying to break it through her smile.

  "You were drunk last night and I thought I should take you home at baka may mangyari pa sayong masama kapag iniwan kita roon and I hope you didn't mind" she said breaking the silence in the room. I forcely smile and nod. Nilapag ko ang mug sa glass dining table at sinalubong ang mga mata niyang binabalutan ng pag aalala at katanongan.

  Her eyes were filled with mixed emotions that could easily read. I let out a soft sigh.

  "I didn't mind and thank you anyway. I'd reached my limit that even what had happened last night became a blur in my head" I said matter of factly. She nodded her head. Binaba niya ang mga mata. Dumako ang mga mata niya sa kanyang kape. Tinitigan ko siya. She really is beautiful. She's a living doll. I couldn't help myself but envy her. Asher loves her so much yet me, I don't know if she would accept me again after the 5 years of my disappearance. She must be mad or worse she doesn't want to see me ever again. Silence filled the air once again. I sighed the ninth time now.

  "You know me right?" I asked though I knew already the answer. Nag angat siya ng tingin at sinalubong ang mga mata ko. She drew a soft and a confirming smile. She nodded. Eyes locked onto mine.

  "Yes you are my girlfriend's bestfriend. I've known you since we were 10." she said smiling. Her eyes were smiling but she cannot hide the sadness in it. Ngumingiti siya ngunit may kasamang lungkot at pangungulila sa kanyang mga mata. And my heart clenched at the thought forming inside my head.

  I glance at my coffee. Maitim na maitim na para bang pinapaala sa akin kung gaano kadilim ang buhay ko ngayon. Walang araw na lumipas na hindi ko tinatanong ang sarili ko. Paano kaya kung hindi kami umalis ng pilipinas noon. Magkakalakas kaya ako ng loob na umamin kay Asher ng nararamdaman ko? May pag asa kayang mahalin niya din ako kung nagkasama lamang sana kaming lumaki?

  "She didn't see you if that is what you are thinking right now. I brought you to one of my condo so don't worry but you know you have to talk to her coz she's been looking for you all the past years since your disappearance"

  I looked up at her and she was staring at me. I didn't know how long she has been staring at me. Hindi na siya nakangiti. Pero hindi naman siya mukhang galit. Seryoso siyang nakatitig sa akin. A stare with full of concern and questions. I bit the inside of my cheek. I averted my gaze and drop it at the food in front of me. I can still feel her eyes on me. I heaved out a sigh.

  "I will." maikli kong sagot. I have a lot of words in my head but only that came out from my mouth. The thought of meeting Amber after 5 years from watching her from a far makes me feel nervous. I heard Amber clear her throat and so I lifted my head to meet her eyes.

  "Where were you these past 5 years Adrienne? Sky have been looking for you. You have no idea how worried she is until now. Walang araw na hindi ka niya iniisip. Like your name was tattooed in her head do you know that?" she doesn't sounded angry but concerned. She cares about Asher and that is enough for me to entrust Asher to her. Hindi ko matagalan ang mga mata niyang punong puno ng katanongan kayaa muli kong iniwas ang mga mata ko. Nanunuyot ang lalamunan ko. Kinuha ko ang mug ng kape kong hindi pa nababawasan. I took a sip without meeting her gaze. Just enough amount of liquid to brush away the sudden dryness in my throat. I cleared my throat.

  "Thank you for saving my ass last night. I owe you one but I cannot tell you anything yet. Not just yet" I said refusing to tell the reason. I am not yet ready to tell any of them my biggest nightmare. A nightmare that keeps on haunting me every fucking damn night. Bangungot na naging dahilan kung bakit hindi ko na magawang sumakay muli ng taxi. Ng kahit na ano mang public transportation. Hindi na siya sumagot at inaya na akong kumain na siyang pinagpasalamat ko ng lihim. And no one of us dared to break the silence anymore. We ate without even glancing to each other like we became completely strangers to each other. Though the awkwardness is no longer there. No awkwardness just the silence.

  Matapos akong kumain ay tumayo na ako at dadalhin na sana ang nagamit kong plato sa lababo upang hugasan ng magsalita ito.

  "Just leave it there. I will wash it myself" she said. Nilapag ko na lamang ito sa lababo matapos tumango. Sinandal ko ang likod sa likod sa counter ng lababo at hinarap siya na ngayon ay nakatingin sa akin at muling nakangiti. She was smiling at me genuinely. No signs of threat but softness in her eyes. Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang mga labi kong ngumiti. Though ang inggit sa puso ko ay naroon parin but I can say that the acceptance is now starting to linger inside me.

"Wala naman siguro akong ginawa or sinabing katarantaduhan kagabi diba?" I said chuckling and she immediately shook her head. Now smiling widely.

"No you didn't. Don't worry" she answered. I stared at her eyes. They are beautiful. She has these deep brown eyes and a long lashes na sobrang bumagay sa maliit niyang mukha. Matangos ang ilong at manipis na labi. Perfect din ang hugis ng kanyang panga like it was as if made by the best sculpture in the world.

"Thank you again Amber. I should be going now. My mahalaga pa akong lalakarin" paalam ko. Nasa harapan na ako ng pinto. Tumango siya at nakangiti ako nitong hinarap. She extended her righ hand at me.

"I was glad to finally meet you." she said genuinely smiling. I accepted her hand without hesitation. Kahit papaano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Hindi ko pa man siya masiyadong kilala ngunit ramdam kong nasa mabuting mga kamay si Asher at sapat na iyon para tanggapin ang katotohanan na matagal ko nang tinatakasan.