His

“Open your legs for me you dirty slut” -b1gf@tc0Ck12IN “Um, can you not use that word please?” “Why not slut, you’re the one on here whoring yourself.” -b1gf@tc0Ck12IN I couldn’t hit the red X fast enough to close down the chat. Furious with him, and deeply frustrated with myself. Was I just broken? Would I be untouchable forever? I walked away from the computer screen and ran my hand through my hair, my auburn curls shifting chaotically as my fingers passed through them. I was embarrassed, hurt and so bloody horny! I couldn’t let him call me that though, that didn’t turn me on. If he only knew, I was anything but a slut. I was almost 21 and still never even been kissed. I was the only child of very conservative parents, I’d been raised to focus on my education, boys could come later… always later… now I was a freak. I had no clue how to flirt, how to respond if I was flirted with so I always freaked out and shut them down. Now here I was alone in my single dorm room using o

I was dumbstruck, this guy, was so much more than anyone had ever been before. I felt a connection and wondered if I was going insane. I felt like I’d poured my soul out to this complete stranger and that he had done the same with me. I didn’t know how to respond. I sat with my fingers on the keyboard unable to move. A few minutes later. Y0urM1n3 “P.S. Also WOW! ;-)” Suddenly the bravado I usually had with someone on these chats had gone. I felt shy, exposed. I could only respond with … LuvNHugs “**Blushes**” I wanted to run away, close the chat and be done. Y0urM1n3 “We’ll have to finish our picnic sometime. You’re a very gifted writer.” LuvNHugs “Thank you, so are you, that was… intense… yes I think we need a breather before finishing that picnic :-) " Y0urM1n3 “Yes, I think intense is a good description, I hope we can chat again.” LuvNHugs “Me too” I couldn’t though, because at the same time, I didn’t want it to end. LuvNHugs “If you don’t mind me asking, where

We chatted every day after that, sometimes only for a few minutes, as he was so busy, but mostly at night we would talk about all kinds of things, family, music, never quite giving out enough information to fully identify ourselves, but nevertheless getting to know each other. I found myself sharing my issues with making friends my own age and my theory relating to my older parents. There was a freedom in sharing my innermost thoughts with someone and I wondered if this is what it must be like to have a best friend. We never did complete our picnic scene but he remained affectionate and kind and I knew I was falling fast. It was soon Spring Break and I’d told him I was heading home, to Rye. I let him know that I should still be able to chat from my computer at home, I found myself looking forward to finding his name light up on my friends list. He encouraged me to enjoy my break, and not to worry about chatting with him. Y0urM1n3 “But don’t forget Angel, you’re mine” He signed of

The next couple of hours were agonizing, my parents would parade me round with them telling everyone how proud they were. I would be reminded again and again that I was a little miracle, coming when they’d long given up trying to conceive. I would be told I must meet so many children and grandchildren who were also living in New York I was glad I didn’t have my address book with me or my mother would have made me take names. All the while I could feel him watching me, when I would dare a glance he would be talking with someone else, but always facing my direction his eyes flicking up to meet mine briefly before I looked away again. It couldn’t be him, he couldn’t be here, not after last night, not after… that scene we shared, oh God I thought I would die of shame. After so much attention I needed to be alone, I excused myself and headed to the upstairs bathroom. Almost everyone was out in the garden, it was an unusually warm spring day and the house was all but empty except for the

The next week was a mixture of torment and enlightenment. He was true to his word, I had emailed my dorm address, but he never responded. He never appeared on AOL chat either. I considered visiting the chat room we had met, but I knew he wouldn’t be there and if he did find me there he would be angry. I wanted to know more about him though, so a few days after the party when I got an invite from Sarah for coffee, I accepted. She was far more serious than I remembered her, and I wondered if her marriage was a reason for that. She didn’t talk much about her soon to be ex-husband but it was clear she had been very hurt. She was grateful for someone else to help with her two young children though, aged 5 and 8. They were very clingy and the most serious children I’d ever known. They wouldn’t run around and play by themselves, and always insisted on Sarah being part of any activity they were doing. I would try to encourage them to play a game together while Sarah and I talked in the same