02 | Weird

The light from the sky was already escaping away when I opened my eyes. The sunlight was on its last breaths, its soft vivid rays sneaking in through my open windows as the harsh evening air wrapped my body in its cold embrace. I shivered violently, goosebumps crawling throughtout my skin like paint on water. My still wet hair, from the quick shower I took before unintentionally drifting to sleep, had completely drenched my pillow.

Slowly, I pushed myself up from the comfort of my bed and reached for my phone on top of the bedside drawer. I looked at the time. 6:48 pm. Naalala kong kailangan ko nga palang umalis ngayon.

Mabilis akong nagtipa sa cellphone ko ng isang mensahe. Sinabi ko kanina kay Mama na mayroon akong plano ngayon at nakaligtaan ko lamang iyon, ngunit sa totoo lang ay wala talaga kaming napag-usapan ng mga kaibigan ko. I don't even know whether they're out or not.

(6:49pm) Me:

     Guys, wanna hang out?

Ipinadala ko iyon sa group chat namin ng mga kaibigan ko. Tumayo ako sa kama at nagsimula nang mag-ayos habang hinihintay ang kanilang sagot.

After brushing my teeth, I grabbed a white cropped top, a black ripped jeans, and a denim jacket from my wardrobe and proceeded to change into them. I then grabbed my favorite AF1s. Just as I finished preparing, my phone chimed. Mabilis kong kinuha iyon at binuksan.

(6:54 pm) Nica:

     I'm down.

(6:55 pm) Lewis:

     Ako rin! Saan tayo magmi-meet?

Napangiti ako roon. Good thing they weren't busy. Kung hindi, hindi ko alam kung sino ang aayain ko.

(6:56 pm) Justin:

     Nasa Core ako ngayon. Kasama ko sila Dante.

     Punta na lang kayo rito. O papasundo pa kayo?

(6:56 pm) Nica:

     Nah. Let's just meet up there.

(6:56 pm) Lewis:

     Oo para hindi sayang sa gas.

(6:57 pm) Justin:

     Kayong bahala.

     How 'bout u, baby girl?

(6:57 pm) Me:

     Pupunta na lang din ako dyan.

(6:57 pm) Justin:

     Okay. Just let me know kapag malapit na kayo. Abangan namin kayo sa labas.

(6:58 pm) Me:

     Sige. See you

Pagkapatay ng cellphone ay inilagay ko na iyon sa slig bag na gagamitin ko ngayong gabi. Naglakad ako pabalik ng banyo, at sinimulan nang gawin ang routine ko. I blow-dried my hair. Ilang minuto lang ay tuyo na ito dahil hanggang balikat ko lang naman siya, malayo sa dati nitong haba.

Back when I was in high school, I had long brown hair that cascaded down my back and ended just above my waist. I never really cared about my appearance, but I took special care of my hair since it was just about the only thing I received from Mama. We shared the same natural shade of brown, though mine was as straight as a pencil, while hers were on the curly side.

Naaalala ko noon na maraming natutuwa sa buhok ko. It made me proud, as if I was the one who actually designed my hair that way. The compliments I received because of it were more important to me than those from actual accomplisments I achieved. Ganoon siya kahalaga sa akin.

But there came a time when I needed to cut that long precious mane, and hide it under a wig as if I was never proud of it in the first place. The faint resemblance it has with my mother's, which I viewed was the only connection we have, had turned into strings that wrapped around my neck, slowly sucking the life out of me. It was suffocating. I had no choice but to let it go.

Isang katok ang nagpawala ng mga iniisip ko. Nang sumigaw akong bukas ang pinto, dahan-dahang bumukas iyon at iniluwa ang kasambahay namin si Manang Fe.

"Miss Rina, naroon sa baba ang mga pamangkin ni Mama mo," saad niya. Bakas ang pag-aalala sa kanyang kulubot nang mukha.

Manang Fe knew that I don't get along with my cousins. The only one I'm close with was Ice. Kean was okay, too. But I doubt they're here. Malamang iyong mga pinsan kong babae ang pumunta rito, kaya ganoon na lang ang itsura ni Manang.

I didn't expect them to be this early, though. Alas siete pa ang labas ni Mama sa office, at ang akala ko ay kasabay niya nang darating ang mga pinsan ko.

"Kanina pa po sila?" tanong ko habang naglalagay ng lipstick sa labi.

Tumango si Manang. "May halahating oras na. Mukhang tulog ka kanina, kaya hindi na kita inabalang gisingin."

"Ayos lang po 'yon, Manang Fe." Ngumiti ako sa kanya. "Bababa na po ako pagkatapos kong mag-ayos."

Isang tango ulit ang ginawa niya bago tuluyang isara ang pinto. Huminga ako nang malalim at hinarap ang sarili sa salamin.

My long blonde wig fell past my shoulders in soft curls. The make up I had put on enhanced my features, temporarily hiding away the traces of sadness that had made my face its constant home. Now, I looked more like Papa. Bahagya akong natawa sa naisip.

Not that he had a feminine face, or that he used to wear make up. It's just that I received most of his features. If the only thing I got from Mama was the shade of her hair, it was the opposite for Papa.

He had bright brown eyes that almost seemed like melted chocolates, a scooped nose with a turned-up tip, and pink full lips; all of which I proudly inherited. They said I was an exact replica of him. Tanging pinagkaiba lamang namin ay ang kulay ng aming balat. While he and Mama have beautifully tanned skin, mine on the other hand had a pale color, only turning red when blood rushed to my face. Aside from that, everything else was the same.

Satisfied with the way I look, I took by bag and slung it over my shoulder before leaving my room. I went down the staircase, the noise from downstairs gradually growing as I descend.  Mula sa malayo ay natatanaw ko na ang mga pinsan. They're happily decorating the living room with banners and balloons. A cake was placed on the coffee table. Kaya siguro sila maaga ay dahil rito. Gusto nilang supresahin si Mama.

Natigil ang kasiyahan nila nang marinig akong naglalakad patungo sa kung nasaan sila. Halos sabay-sabay ang paglingon ng aking mga pinsan sa direksyon ko. Ang kanilang mga mukha ay pare-pareho ang ekspresyon: pagkalito, dismaya, at galit.

"What the heck is she doing here?" ani Catherine na siyang bumasag ng katahimikan.

Pilit akong ngumiti roon. It was really obvious how much they didn't want to see me, but I pretended not to notice. Ayaw kong makita nilang naaapektuhan ako sa pakikitungo nila sa akin.

"It's nice to see you too, Cathy," bati ko sa pinsan.

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at mapaklang nginitian. "Yes. Hello, cousin."

Pinasadaanan ko ng tingin ang kabuuan ng living room, hindi na binigyang pansin ang uyam sa huling salita ng aking pinsan.

Tama nga ako ng hula na wala rito sina Ice at Kean. Mga nagsasanay kasi ang dalawang iyon sa pagpapatakbo ng mga kumpanyang mamanahin nila pagdating ng araw, kaya malamang ay busy sila. Ang mga narito lang ay ang magkakapatid na sina Catherine, Euri, at Denise; tapos ay si Iris na nakababatang kapatid naman ni Kean.

"You guys are early," puna ko.

Palihim na umirap si Denise, bago sumagot. "Well, as you can see, we wanted to surprise Tita."

"How 'bout you, Rina? Aren't you going to celebrate Tita's birthday? Because it seems to me like you have other plans," tanong ni Catherine sa isang nanunuyang tono. Hinagod niya ng tingin ang buo kong katawan, isang nakapang-aasar na ngisi ang makikita sa kanyang labi.

Nginitian ko rin siya. Ito na lang yata ang gagawin namin sa tuwing magkikita kami; ang pilit na ngumiti sa isa't isa at magplastikan. Neither of us wanted to back down from this battle of who can annoy who first. Halata naman na alam niya nang aalis ako ngayon kahit bago niya pa ako makita. Mama must have already told them. Pero talaga sinampal niya pa sa akin para magmukha akong masamang anak.

"I wanted to, actually. But you guys intruded on our plans, so I had no choice but to leave. Ayaw ko namang sirain ang araw ni Mama nang dahil lang sa inyo."

"Oh, but we didn't, though." Catherine laughed. "Tita invited us herself."

Natigilan ako roon. What? Mama invited them?

"Yeah. Sabi niya aalis ka raw at wala siyang kasamang mag-celebrate, that's why she invited us. So technically, we didn't intrude on anything, right?" dagdag ni Denise na tinanguan naman ni Euri at Iris.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko roon. I didn't know Mama was the one who invited them for her birthday. Buong akala ko ay sila ang may gustong pumunta rito, at pinaaalis ako ni Mama dahil hindi niya matanggihan ang mga pamangkin. Iyon pala ay siya ang nag-imbita sa kanila, habang ako na anak niya ay ayaw niyang makasama? How does that even makes sense?

"Really? Then she probably loves her nieces so much," mapait kong nasabi.

Catherine didn't answer, but the smug look on her face was enough to tell me that she knew she had won. Bakit ba kasi ako nagpumilit na lumaban kahit na alam ko namang hindi ako mananalo. It was clear that Mama care about them more than me, and yet I boasted about our bond, when there wasn't any to begin with. I must have looked so stupid.

"Make yourselves at home." Iyon na ang huli kong sinabi bago naglakad palabas ng bahay.

Sa isang saglit ay nakarating ako sa kotse ko. Pagkapasok ay agaran ko itong pinaandar. Hindi ko na alam kung papaano ko iyon nagawa sa kabila ng nanlalabong mga mata. I was just really desperate to get away.

Nang makarating sa Core ay hindi ko na napigilan ang aking mga luha. Kusa na lamang tumulo ang mga iyon pagkatapos kong mai-park ang kotse. Marahas kong pinunasan ang basang mga pisngi. I climb out of the car to get some fresh air, hoping they would dry away the tears, but to no avail. My eyes seemed to have gained a mind of their own. Kahit anong pigil ay paulit-ulit silang nagtutubig.

Sumandal ako sa kotse at yumuko habang pinakikinggan ang malakas na kantang nanggagaling sa Core. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako, o lalong maiiyak dahil sa lahat ng nangyari sa araw na 'to. It was like the universe have conspired to make me miserable on this day.

"Damn it," I cussed, before wipping away another batch of stubborn tears.

"Bad break up?"

I froze when someone suddenly spoke. My head instantly whipped to where it came from. I felt my face flushed from embarrassment when I saw a guy leaning against the car next to mine.

Shit, kailan pa siya nand'yan? Kanina pa 'ko nagda-drama rito tapos hindi ko man lang alam na nand'yan siya!

"Huh?" iyon ang unang lumabas sa bibig ko bago pa ako makapag-isip ng sasabihin.

His lips twisted into a lopsided grin, revealing his unfairly straight teeth. A dimple on his left cheek showed. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naasar ako roon. He wasn't exactly teasing me or anything. It was just because of the way he smiled. He looked like someone who pretty much knew how attractive his features looked together.

"Ang sabi ko kung bad break up ba," he said. Even his voice sounded attractive. What the heck.

"What the hell are you saying?" I asked, genuinely confused.

His grin turned into a full on smile. Now, both his dimples were showing. It irked me more because he looked so amused, as if he was watching something funny when I was anything but that!

"What I mean is... was it a bad break up that made you bawl your eyes out? Or were you rejected? I doubt that, though. Perhaps you fought with your boyfriend? So, what was it?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Mula sa bulsa ng suot niyang hoodie ay hinugot niya ang isang kaha ng sigarilyo. Tinaktak niya iyon sa likod ng kamay niya. Agad namang may umangat na isa at hinila niya iyon gamit ang bibig.

Sino ba kasi ang lalaking 'to? Kung makaasta, akala mo close kami. He doesn't look like a stalker, though. He looked like a normal rich dude who just wants to have fun. Halata naman sa pananamit niya. He had on a black hoodie, a small bag wrapped across his torso, dark ripped jeans, and a Nike Winflo 8. I knew the name since my cousin, Ice, and I liked that brand. I also know how expensive that is. A normal stalker wouldn't be able to buy those. 

"FYI, I wasn't bawling my eyes out," irita kong sinabi. "And why do you care? I don't even know you."

He shrugged, and said, "I was just trying to help." He then lit his cigarette, and took a drag off of it.

Nagusot ang mukha ko nang malanghap ang usok na ibinuga niya. "Ano naman ang magagawa mo kung sasabihin ko? Ano ka, magician?"

"Of course not. But I can help you forget," he said, smiling. "Wala nang magic-magic ang kailangan."

I made a face. Nairita na naman ako nang makita ang dimples niya. So he's one of those fuck boys, huh? Damn, ano bang nagawa ko at ganito ako kamalas ngayong araw?

"You know what, I'm gonna go," tamad kong sinabi. "Iba na lang ang guluhin mo."

Nilabas ko ang cellphone ko sa bag para i-text si Justin habang tuloy-tuloy ang paglalakad ko patungo ng Core. Narinig kong may sinabi iyong lalaki, pero hindi ko na naintindihan. Wala na rin akong pake. I had a lot on my mind, ayaw ko nang dagdagan pa iyon.

It was too bad, though. If he weren't so weird, he would've been my type.