01 | Alone

I only have two goals in college.

The first one is to graduate with flying colors; and the second, is to keep my head low and not get myself into any sort of trouble.

The former, I could still probably do. But the latter had just went out the window this very moment.

I stared at the tiny white puddles and tapioca pearls scattered on the floor. My head still felt cold from the drink that was just poured on me. It rolled down my back and arms like a waterfall, seeping through my clothes and drenching it in the process. The stickiness clung to my skin, along with the familiar sweet scent of milk tea.

Marahas akong nagbuga ng hangin sa bibig. Pinasadaanan ko ng palad ang aking noo para mapunasan ito. Sa gilid ng mga mata ko ay kita ang unti-unting pagpalibot ng mga taong gustong maki-usyoso. Ang iba ay mukhang sayang saya sa nasaksihan. Naririnig ko pa ang kanilang hagikhikan habang kinukuhanan ng video ang nangyayari. Napakagat na lamang ako sa labi para mapigilan ang inis. They're treating this like a show and unfortunately, I'm in the center of it.

"Malamig na ba ang ulo mo?" tanong ng lalaking nasa harapan ko na ngayon.

Tiningala ko siya at sinamaan ng tingin. Sinalubong niya iyon ng itim na itim niyang mga mata. His gaze was accusive, as though he was certain that I was in the wrong, when it was him who randomly poured a drink on someone. I clenched my fists hard, dahil kung hindi, baka kung saan pa 'to lumipad.

"Hindi ko alam na pinanliligo na pala ang milk tea ngayon," sarkastikong sagot ko. I smiled to annoy him, but gained no reaction from him.

"You were bothering Alexis," saad niya.

Halos matawa ako roon. I was bothering her? It may have looked like that for him, but it was the other way around. Itong si Alexis ang humatak sa akin matapos kong ignorahin iyong ginawa niyang pangbu-bully. I could have reported her, but I didn't, dahil ayaw kong lumala ang sitwasyon. Tapos ako pa itong lalabas na masama ngayon?

"Paano mo naman nasabi? Do you even know the whole story?"

"I don't have to. Nakita kitang sinaktan mo siya."

I sighed, exasperatedly. Pakiramdam ko ay nakikipag-usap ako sa bato.

"Siya 'tong nanakit sa'kin."

"Hindi 'yon totoo, Claude!" pagsingit ni Alexis.

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa pangalang binanggit niya. Claude? Don't tell me, he's the same person I'm thinking of?

Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, iyon din ang pangalan ng lalaking madalas pag-usapan dito sa Dela Sorelle. Maraming mga babae sa klase ko na siya ang laging bukang bibig. Ang sabi kasi ay bukod sa gwapo raw ito, magaling din daw siya sa sports at academics. He couldn't be that Claude, right? Kung siya nga iyon, hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit palagi ring laman ng mga usapin si Alexis. Magkaibigan pala sila.

Mataman kong pinagmasdan ang itsura niya. The first thing that I had noticed was his dark brown, almost black, set of eyes. They were in the same shade as that of the night sky, almost as if space was staring back at you. His perfectly shaped brows were thick; nose swooped down right out of that arch; and jaws sharply angled. I guess it was true that he has good looks. I couldn't say the same thing about his personality though.

"Nakita mo rin naman, 'di ba? Hinampas niya 'ko sa braso!" Alexis added which pulled me out of my thoughts.

Pinukol ko ang paningin sa direksyon niya. I couldn't help but scoff as I looked at her obvious act. Her eyes were red, tears welling up. Makailang beses niyang pununasan iyon kahit hindi naman tumutulo. Kanina lang ay ang tapang niya, ngunit ngayon ay para na siyang batang inagawan ng laruan. Her friends stuck beside her, filming the whole thing in their phones as it happen, halatang mayroong binabalak.

"Totoo ba 'yon?" tanong ni Claude matapos bumaling muli sa akin.

Kusang umikot ang mata ko roon. "Why are you asking me? Hindi ka rin naman maniniwala kahit sabihin kong hindi."

"Then just apologize to Alexis kung ayaw mong umamin, para matapos na 'to."

"Apologize? To her? Why should I? Sayo nga wala akong naririnig na sorry."

Nag-igting ang kanyang mga panga sa sagot ko. I rejoiced from the inside, my lips slightly curving into a grin. He looked like he was having a hard time. Kung sa anong dahilan ay hindi ko alam, at wala na akong pake. Sapat nang kahit kaunti ay nagawa ko siyang inisin.

"Stop being stubborn and just apologize," he firmly said. I could've just done so, to get this over with, but my pride refused to yield.

"You're the one being stubborn. I've done nothing to apologize for. Kung mayroon man dito na kailangang humingi ng tawad, kayong dalawa 'yon."

"Bakit hindi na lang natin tanungin ang mga tao kung sino talaga ang mas may kasalanan? Nakita rin naman nila ang nangyari." Lahat ay napalingon roon sa kaibigan ni Alexis na nagsalita.

Unti-unti ay natahimik ang paligid. Ang mga taong nakapalibot sa amin ay nagpalitan ng mga tingin, hindi alam kung ano ang dapat nilang gawin. It was obvious that they don't want to point their fingers at neither Alexis nor Claude, since they seem to have some sort of power or ranking in the social ladder. Halata nang sa akin talaga babagsak ang sisi. Hindi nga ako nagkamali dahil ilang sandali pa ay isa-isa nang nagsilingunan sa direksyon ko ang mga tao.

"See? Sayo sila nakatingin."

Sinamaan ko ng tingin ang tatlong magkakaibigan. "It wasn't me, and you guys know that."

"Everyone's pointing at you, though," saad naman noong isa.

I looked around, trying to find someone, anyone, who could prove that I was telling the truth. Kaya lang, ni isa ay walang nagsalita. Even the girl that I had just saved kept her mouth shut. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman roon.

Why was I even surprised? Of course, nobody would take my side. Wala naman kasi akong kaibigan rito sa buong school, o kakilala man lang. I bet no one even knows me, let alone remembers my name or my face. I made it that way. This was what I wanted. Pero bakit ang bigat ng dibdib?

"I guess you're right. Apparently, I really am in the wrong." Mapait akong natawa. I wasn't sure if they heard the sarcasm laced into my words, but I couldn't care less. "Sorry for bothering you, Alexis. Nakaganti naman na ang kaibigan mo, so I assume we're even."

Hindi nagsalita iyong Claude. Mukhang wala na rin siyang balak na kausapin pa ako, kaya kinuha ko na iyon bilang pagkakataon na umalis.

I started making my way out of the crowd. I could hear Alexis' voice calling for me, but I paid her no attention. Isang lingon pa ang binigay ko roon sa babaeng niligtas ko, bago ako tuluyang naglakad papalayo. Mabuti na lang ay walang humatak sa akin pabalik sa pagkakataong ito. Hindi rin naging mahirap umalis dahil kusang nahahati ang mga tao sa pagdaan ko, takot na madikit sa basa kong katawan.

This was why I never meddle with other people's business. Minsan kasi, kahit na ang gusto mo lang naman ay tumulong, iyon pa ang nagiging dahilan para malagay ka sa isang alanganing sitwasyon. Kindness isn't always rewarded by gratitude and appreciation. I knew that very well. I should've just focused on my own messy life, than care about others. 

Pagkarating sa bahay ay doon ko lamang napagtanto ang lahat ng mga nagawa. Not only did I just put myself in a whole lot of drama, I also skipped classes for the first time. Malamang sa malamang ay aabot ito sa pandinig ni Mama, pero sa mga oras na ito ay tuluyan na akong nawalan ng pake. Napakarami ng nangyari sa araw na 'to, at ang gusto ko na lang talaga ay makauwi.

I've been pretty used to being alone after all these years, but today, solitude hit me harder than it ever did.