00 | Prologue

"What are you doing here?" said a cold voice as soon as I walked into the room.

I shut the door behind me. The soft morning light illuminated the whole office as curtains danced with the wind's direction. I stared at the person in front of me, her eyes fixed on the papers she was holding, as if I was nothing but air. My eyes then fell towards the plaque on the table, a familiar yet distant name printed in elegant golden letters.

Elina E. Liamzon—my mother.

"Good morning, Mom," sagot ko habang dahan-dahang naglalakad papalapit. "You went out early, kaya po dumaan ako rito."

"Get to the point, Serina. I have work to do."

Napakagat ako sa labi sa talim ng kanyang mga salita. Kahit na ganoon ay nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad. Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak sa maliit na kahong nasa loob ng aking bulsa, bago ito kunin at ilapag sa kanyang lamesa. It was a royal blue box with a pair of earrings inside.

"I came to give you this. It's your present," I said, smiling. "Happy birthday."

Huminga ako nang malalim. Ang dibdib ko'y patuloy sa pagkabog habang hinihintay ang kanyang reaksyon.

Back when Dad was alive, he was the one who usually did this kind of thing. Whenever mine or Mom's birthday came, he would always prepare a gift, no matter how big or small it was. Siya kasi ang pinaka-sweet sa pamilya. Siya iyong laging nagpapatawa sa amin, at laging naghahanda ng mga surpresa.

Since he could not do those things anymore, I figured I should be the one to do it in his stead. I thought Mom would somehow appreciate the gesture. But, apparently not. Hindi man lamang niya tinapunan ng tingin iyong regalo. She only continued what she was doing, which was not new to me. Sa limang taon kong ginagawa ito, ni minsan ay hindi niya pinansin iyong mga binibigay ko. Instead of being happy, it looked more like I was a bother to her.

Inayos ko ang bag kong nakasukbit sa balikat, hinahanda na ang sarili sa pag-alis nang mapagtantong wala akong makukuhang kahit na anong reaksyon sa ina. Matapos ang isang malalim na paghinga ay nagpaalam na ako. I only came here to give her the gift, anyway. I wasn't planning to stay long, nor was I expecting anything in return. Mas ayos nang hindi ako umaasa, para mas kakaunti ang sakit kapag hindi nangyari ang inaasahan. But just as I was about to go out, Mom's voice pierced through the silence in between us.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Napatigil ako sa tanong niyang iyon.

Nilingon ko siya pabalik. Napasinghap ako nang sa wakas ay magtama na ang aming mga mata. Bago pa iyon tumagal ay ibinagsak niya nang muli ang paningin sa mga papel na hawak niya.

"Wala po. Bakit po?" nanginginig kong sagot.

Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman. Ngayon niya lamang ako tinanong ng ganito. Sa tuwing darating ang kaarawan niya, lagi na lamang kaming magkahiwalay. It's either she's still at work, or she's inside her room, locked up until the next day. We live in the same house but have separate lives, like strangers forced into one roof, so just thinking about finally spending time with her was enough to fill me with joy.

"You're not going out?"

"Hindi po. Baka po sa bahay lang ako. Bakit po?"

"Well, your cousins are coming over tonight. We're having dinner," she explained, nonchalantly.

The more she continued, the heavier my chest felt. A growing whisper inside my head was already telling me where this is going, but I was too stubborn to listen. That sliver of hope I had was too precious to me to put out.

"And?"

"And you know they're uncomfortable when you're around. I don't want to see another argument between you and your cousins, so make sure to make plans for tonight."

Finally, my heart sank to the floor when she finished talking. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Pakiramdam ko ay may bumabara sa lalamunan ko. I gulped to keep whatever it was that was crawling up my throat down. My eyes started to sting, tears begging to come out but I forcefully kept them at bay. Halos dumugo na ang labi ko sa diin ng aking pagkakakagat.

Mom lifted her eyes and stared at me, blankly. Parang piniga ang puso ko sa harap ng mga matang iyon. Her irises held no warmth nor care, just indifference, as if all she could see was a thing unworthy of attention. Her gaze was colder than the breeze blowing through the windows.

"Did you hear what I just said, Serina?" she asked in a firm tone.

I wanted to shake my head. I wanted to scream at her. Gusto ko itanong kung bakit ako pa ang kailangang mawala mamayang gabi, sa halip na ang mga pinsan ko. I am her daughter. Ako dapat ang kasama niya sa ganitong mga okasyon. Ako dapat ang mas matimbang. Hindi ba't iyon naman ang normal? But none of the words passed through my lips. My fear was greater than my anger, because I know too well what Mom would have answered should I have asked.

I was not important. It was that simple.

I forced out a smile, and slid my hands deep into my pockets. My nails started digging into my palms as I slowly clenched my fists hard.

"Yeah, sure, mom. I think... I may have promised to meet with my friends tonight," I answered, trying so hard to keep my voice from cracking.

"Anong oras?"

"Before dinner. Magbibihis lang ako pagkagaling ng school. So don't worry, I won't be bothering you."

Mom nodded, and simply said, "Good." Just like that, our conversation was over.

As soon as she dropped her gaze, I turned around and started walking out of her office. Hindi ko na magawang huminga sa loob. Pakiramdam ko ay nauubusan ako ng hangin. Napakabigat niya sa dibdib. Just a moment ago, I was happy by that thought of her opening up to me. I should have known better. I felt so stupid. In the end, I was just misunderstanding her words, believing they meant something when, in fact, they do not. Didn't I promised myself not to have expectations?

My hands immediately brushed away the tears that fell down my cheeks. I could feel the gazes I got from our maids as I walked downstairs and out of our house, but I was too busy hiding my miserable face to even care about them at this point. Pinanood ako ng driver namin habang papasok ng sasakyan. Mabilis akong umupo sa likuran at niyakap ang bag ko. I kept my mouth closed to silence the upcoming sobs rising from my chest. Our driver was just as silent, marahil ay para hindi ako mapahiya.

Through blurry eyes, I watched the surroundings pass by the tinted windows of our car as we head towards my school. Pagkarating ay agad rin akong bumaba at naglakad papalayo. I never cared much about my appearance when I'm at school, but for the first time, I found myself wanting to fix my face. I didn’t want to look too pathetic. Thankfully, no one paid me any attention. Walang makakapansin sa mga mata kong kakagaling lamang sa pag-iyak dahil wala rin naman akong kaibigan o kahit kakilala rito sa school. For the first time since that day, I was actually glad I decided to keep my head down.

Nagmamadali ang lakad ko para makarating ng restroom. Gusto ko sanang ayusin muna ang sarili ko bago pumasok sa classroom. I deliberately picked the furthest one. Madalas kasing walang tao roon dahil sira ang ibang lock sa mga cubicle at malayo sa main school building. Pero imbes na katahimikan, sinalubong ako ng tawanan at panlalait.

A group of girls stood in a loose circle near the sinks, laughing cruelly. In the middle of them was a smaller girl, clutching her bag like a shield, head down as they sneered and threw insults at her like knives.

I froze at the doorway, heart pounding. This wasn’t what I came here for. I just wanted to fix my face—not witness someone else being bullied.

On normal circumstances, I would've ignored it. I don't like sticking my nose into somebody else's business, as much as I hate them meddling with mine. Para saan pa ang pagla-lie low ko nang ilang taon kung isisiksik ko rin ang sarili sa gulo ng iba. But this time, I wasn’t given a choice. I was caught dead center, thrown right into the scene—with no clean way out.

In that moment, I knew my peaceful days at school had finally reached its end.