I Only Love Him

I Only Love Him

Oleh:  MJ Opera  Tamat
Bahasa: English
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I no longer recognize myself. Not recognizing who I have turned to. Maybe it was meant to be this way. I don’t know how within the space of five years I and Noah turned into something that was never in my imagination. We turned to strangers. At this time four years ago, we were the newest couple, the Hollywood upcoming celebrities that everyone was rooting for, our relationship was the envy of the whole Hollywood… then everything changed. Then I threw it all away… even though I knew that he was ’it’ for me. I got greedy. I tried to match up his fame which was silly. You can’t compare a god and a prodigy. I was a prodigy but Noah…. He was a god.

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50 Bab
One
 5 years ago. “Hey babe.” Noah said as he breezed into my apartment without knocking. “Hey.” I protested to his attitude while hiding the auditions forms behind me. “Knock when coming in next time”“For what reason or use. We have known each other since birth, I think it is safe to assume that I know everything about you.” “I could have been masturbating for all you know.” I quipped as Noah turned to look at me with raised eyebrows like he could not believe I brought up that argument.“Tiffany, I told you to tell reasonable lies when you chose to lie. I know for a fact that if you were feeling horny and wanted the itch to be taken care of, you would have called me since I am your boyfriend. Then again since I have a high sex drive and I just satisfied you less than twelve hours ago, the itch would not been there.” He pointed out and althou
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Two
PRESENT DAY“The ice queen is going to attend the movie premier of hunted hearts even though she didn’t get the role. Tell me George, why you think she is going to attend.” One newscaster said as he turned to his co-anchor as they discussed my life on the show, trying to think why I am doing something that stars refuse to do, they are thinking too deeply into the actions what they don’t know is that the reason is staring at them right in the face.“well Anthony I think she is going there to show the writer of the script that she was right about the movie, she could be going there to gloat” George replied.“That’s not how stars gloat.” Anthony said looking at George not getting the logic behind George thinking obviously just like me too, he wasn’t the only one confused with George analogy.“true but then again is the Ice Queen like every other normal star, she is will be going there and leave half way just to prove to everybody that the movie is boring and tha
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Three
PRESENT DAYMy tears keeps falling but I am trying my best to be quiet about it all. It wouldn’t be right if they saw the ice queen brawling her eyes out over a silly rom com. It wasn’t right that I was crying my eyes out over it but it is what happen when something reminds you that you lost the best thing ever that was ever yours, you don’t care for right or wrongs. Sometimes you just sit down and cry your eyes out. “You actually stayed until the end. I am so honored.” The Script writer said when she reached the place I was sitting down, a little bit separated from the others. I knew this was going to happen and still I let it happen. Why do I enjoy hurting myself?Maybe because I feel like I haven’t been punished enough for losing him. “There is nothing to be honored about.” I fused an annoyed tone into my words, I needed to make people believe that I did not give a care about wh
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Four
Five years agoI entered the complex where we were staying, Noah was doing his part time job and I was still getting tiny roles, they could pay the rent but we didn’t have enough money for anything else. That was why walking into a candlelit dinner brought tears to my eyes even though I knew it was a splurge. “Noah.” I breathed his name with barely concealed excitement. “You shouldn’t have.”“Why?” he asked as he lit the candles. “Until you forgot that I am a romantic guy, nah. I wouldn’t let that happen on my watch.”And still he did not come to where I was standing by the door. “I miss You.” I tell him and that was what took his ass to stand up and walked towards him.  Still he did not stop when he was closed to him, he stopped when I had to tilt my head backwards to look at him. “I miss us.” Came his simple reply.  “We might not have much now but we certainly will in the fu
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Five
NOAHEven when I am fighting with Lucy, I still think of Tiffany. Yes that is how badly that girl, my ex has dug herself into my skin, I don’t even bother trying to remove her again. I was done with that stage a long time ago, I just learnt how to live with her in my memories and stopped deceiving myself that some other girl will be able to take her place eventually. Lucy however, I thought was different. I didn’t get to think much about Tiffany when I was her so I used it to convince myself that I was finally getting over the ice queen but right now, it’s like I am back to where I was before I started dating Lucy, thinking of other girls fifty percent and Tiffany as the other fifty. Normally I would get mad at myself. I mean these girls did not break my heart for crying out loud, Tiffany did with her words, she has always being good with them and as if that was not enough, she just had to calve out the heart by cheating on me and
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Six
NoahI got to my apartment, tired and weary thoughts about writing new music and not just any kind of music but dope ones filled my head and when the door swing opened, I smiled while I realized that Lucy was probably here and possibly cooking. Maybe I will not remain angry with her. I rounded off to the kitchen where I can almost always guarantee to find her, there was always something about kitchens that Lucy loves. Getting closer, I started hearing voices, not like I was expecting her to be here with company but it will be a pleasant surprise if she is. Normally it was the guys who were relunant to introducing their friends to the girl they were dating but in me and Lucy relationship, it was the opposite. Probably because I didn’t have any friend here and Lucy wouldn’t be caught somewhere which is not in the map for something spectacular, even if I was hosting a show there. Now her case was different. She has the friends but she still just
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Seven
Four years ago.NoahIt has been two weeks since I walked out of Tiffany with no hopes for reconciling ever again… in other words, it has been two weeks of utter hell. I have learnt the trick to getting some sleep, I have to exhaust my body to the point where all I wish for was a bed, that works like a dream because when I started to do that, my dreams were no longer haunted with dreams of Tiffany while she was being kissed and being thrust into. We were each other firsts. It might seem inconsequential now, especially with me wondering how many other guys she has been while she was with me and how many guys she has been with since I was gone. The paparazzi’s have been having a field day, we went from being nowhere to everywhere on gossip rags. I guess our actions did not help that. I was sleeping with everything in a skirt and she has been partying every night, sometimes taking a guy or two home. We both
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Eight
NoahAfter carrying out my promise to Lucy by tweeting to my fans about my recent break up, I got drunk in the comfort of my home but when I woke up with my head banging, I had the itch to write something down. It was not my usual kind of writing but if it was worked well on, it could be charts topping. And so after finding a pen and paper, I started my scribbling. I was still scribbling hours later when I yawned, raising my head from the paper to see that my manager, Ernie, was in the room with me.“When did you get here?” I asked him, shocked at his appearance in my home, something which he doesn’t do too often anymore.  “About two hours ago, you have been scribbling like a fiend, I am sure that your coke has not lost some of its coolness though. He tossed a drink at me. I snatched it out of the air. “Thanks man.” I opened the drink, took a sip and close my eyes.“Noah, this Brea
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Nine
Tiffany Hearing about the breakup of Lucy and Noah apparently made it okay for me to go on the show even though she was still going to be there. A lot of things were shaking in Hollywood currently and my company didn’t want to shake more. That didn’t mean that I didn’t keep my righteous anger about everything though. I was still very mad over their actions and the decision they made without involving me. Since Josh represented my company for me, he has been the one getting the blunt of my disapproval about what they did. I was backstage at a talk show, still not talking to Josh. “What do you want me to do? Clean your tears and apologize for something which I have no control over besides you are both his ex so I don’t see the reason why you should still hate the show. You were excited for the show before you knew who that particular housemate is…” When I raised an eyebrow he corrected himself. “Well as much as a woman of your
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Ten
TiffanyTwo hours later, I had downloaded all of Noah’s song and I was listening to them while getting drunk, he bared himself out for the public to see. That was why he was loved. It was years ago but I could feel the words as he sang them, I could hear the emotions. I watched one of his stage performance for the only soft song on his first album released and when he got to the chorus for the last time and everything changed and became more emotional. He had tears in his eyes as he sang from the heart and that was when my tears started. I did that to him. He was singing of our past, he was singing about us and how I wrecked him. I was aware of the fact that I did ruin what we had but that stage performance made me realized how far the hurt went. “Tiffany, you should stop tormenting yourself with this.” Josh said unable to keep quiet anymore. Yes you might have fucked up then but you are human, humans make mistakes all the time.”
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