Simula

"No one can hate you

with more intensity than

someone who used to

love you."

- Rick Riordan

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“Ms. Mendoza-Trinidad, would you please settle down? Nahihilo na ako sayo,” aning Angela, ang best friend ko.

Naupo ulit ako sa sofa kaso hindi ko maiwasang isipin na pupunta siya sa Alumni Homecoming. This was never part of my plan.

“Don't just tell me to settle down. How can I settle down? You just told me na pupunta ang ex-boyfriend ko sa party.”

“Just calm down, okay? Nahilo talaga ako sayo, s***a!” napamasahe siya sa kanyang sentido. “So, what's your plan? Pupunta ka pa rin ba or back out ka muna?”

“I have to go, Angela. Everyone is going to be there and you know that,” tumayo ulit ako at naglakad ng pabalik-balik sa espasyo ng opisina ko.

Damn it. Narinig ko lang ang kanyang pangalan mula sa bibig niya nawala na agad ako sa huwisyo ko. This can't be happening. May epekto pa rin pala siya sa akin hanggang ngayon.

“Akala ko ba nakamove-on ka na? Ba't ka praning na praning d'yan?”

Hindi ako nakasagot agad. Napabuntong ako ng marahas at naupo ulit sa sofa. Maybe, I was trying to make an excuse for myself. Sinasabi ko lang na nakamove-on na ako, but the truth is, I still haven't.

“Is it because you're keeping the biggest secret of your life from him? Alam mo naman diba na may karapatan siyang malaman ang totoo tungkol kay Topaz,” s******p siya sa kanyang iced coffee.

“Maybe that's the reason why I'm being paranoid. Natatakot ako na baka kunin niya sa akin si Topaz,” I looked at Topaz who was sleeping near the couch.

She doesn't have a clue that her father is still alive. She's still too young to know what happened and what's my reason why I left his dad.

“If you can't do it for him, then at least do it for Topaz, Ruby. She deserves to know the truth about him,” tumunog ang cellphone niya. Binasa niya ang mensahe at kaagad na tumayo. “I have to go. Mark is waiting outside.”

“Thanks for accompanying me, Gel,” tumayo ako upang ihatid siya sa labas.

“I'm always here for you, you know that. At kung ano man ang magiging desisyon mo, alam ko na it's for Topaz's best kaya susuportahan kita.”

“Thank you,” kumaway ako paglabas na paglabas niya ng building.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko nang mga oras na 'yon. Sumakay ako sa elevator upang bumalik sa opisina nang makita ko ang isang pamilyar na bulto ng lalaki na nakikipag-usap sa Desk Information. Mabilis kong niliko ang aking tingin at agad na pinindot ang elevator.

Jusko, sana naman hindi niya ako nakita.

“Ms. Mendoza, may gusto pong kumausap sa inyo,” sabi ng secretary ko mula sa service phone.

“Sino naman?”

“Kilala n'yo raw po siya. His name is Joseph Angelo Rivera.”

Biglang nablanko ang utak ko. Hindi ko na alam ang mga sumunod na nangyari, but I immediately pressed the end call button.

Napaupo ako sa swivel chair dahil sa nanginginig kong mga paa. Nawalan ako ng lakas nang marinig ang pangalan niya. How much more if magkita kami sa personal?

I waited for Giselle to call me back, but I guess he immediately gave up like he always does. Mabuti naman kung ganun. I don't want to see him ever again pero pinaglalapit muli kami ng tadhana. I decided to take the invite dahil nalaman ko na nasa States pa rin siya. Pero ngayong andito na ulit siya sa Pilipinas, hindi ko na alam kung pupunta pa ba ako o hindi. I want to go. I want to see him. I want to talk to him but I shouldn't.

“Mommy?” napatingin ako kay Topaz na marahang kinukusot ang kanyang mga mata.

“Gising ka na pala, baby ko,” I hugged her tight. “Do you want to eat?”

Umiling siya at nagpout. “Who are you talking to a while ago?”

“It's Giselle, tinatanong ko kakain ba ako o hindi,” inilagay ko ang iilan sa naiwan niyang buhok sa gilid ng kanyang tenga.

“Mommy, kailan natin bibisitahin si daddy?”

“Maybe, maybe next month. How's that sound?” ngumiti ako. Tumango siya at ngumisi.

I will do anything for Topaz. I will do anything to protect her even if it's going to cost me my life. Even if I know that she will hate me one day once she finds out the truth about her father. If I only cut the strings back then hindi sana kami aabot sa ganitong sitwasyon. But cutting the strings was not enough because Topaz is the unbreakable string between me and him since the day we’ve separated.

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