CHAPTER 3

“Naks, promoted as bartender na ah.” Biro ng isa kong katrabaho na ikinatawa ko.

“Nakikipag away sa customer kapag waiter e, ikulong na lang natin dito sa may counter,” biro ng manager habang tumatawa, sabay akbay sa akin na parang proud pa siya sa sinabi niya.

Napailing na lang ako, trying to play it cool kahit nahihiya ako.

“Grabe ka naman,” I said softly, may maliit na ngiti sa dulo ng boses ko, pero halata pa rin yung pagka-conscious ko.

The bar was still busy around us, tunog ng mga babasaging baso, mga orders na tuloy tuloy, music slightly louder than earlier. Everyone was moving fast, like the night was only just starting to get more chaotic.

Inalis ko yung tingin ko saglit sa manager, then went back to organizing what I was doing sa counter, trying to focus again.

“Hindi naman ako nakikipag away,” dagdag ko, mas mahina na yung boses ko this time. “I was just… correcting what was wrong and defending myself.”

My manager chuckled, still amused. “Correcting daw oh. Ang humble mo pa pakinggan.”

“Pasalamat ka, mukhang good shot ka kay bossing e.” Mapang asar niyang sambit kaya napa iling nalang ako.

“Hindi ko pa nga siya namimeet?” Depensa ko, habang nakakunot pa yung noo ko, genuinely confused kung bakit parang may alam silang hindi ko alam.

Napahinto pa ako sandali sa ginagawa ko, looking at them one by one, waiting for an explanation

Pero imbes na sagot, sabay silang natawa.

“Yun ang akala mo,” biro ng manager, sabay apir sa kausap namin na parang may inside joke silang dalawa na hindi ko alam.

“What did I miss?” Tanong ko at halatang walang naiintindihan sa nangyayari.

Napakurap ako.

The other staff just shrugged, still smiling like they were enjoying my reaction. “Basta, you’ll know soon enough.

“Lowkey lang si boss, hindi mo namamalayan…. Nakakausap mo na pala.” Tumatawang dagdag nito.

Huminga ako nang malalim, trying to shake it off and focus again on the counter.

“Curiosity kills a cat,” biglang sambit ng isang pamilyar na lalaki.

Parang biglang huminto yung mundo ko for a second.

Napalingon ako agad, and the moment my eyes landed on him, doon ko lang narealize kung gaano ka-familiar yung presence niya kahit hindi pa kami technically “properly” introduced.

“It’s you again,” gulat kong sambit, bahagyang natigilan habang hawak ko pa rin yung ginagawa ko sa counter.

“Long time no see.” Natatawa niyang sambit.

I was caught off guard. Ngayon nalang siya ulit pumunta rito.

“Busy?” Tanong ko habang ginagawa ang kaniyang order.

“Mhm. Tugon niya.

I blinked once, then twice, trying to process why he keeps appearing at the most unexpected moments.

“Bakit ikaw na naman?” I added, mas mahina na ngayon, halatang surprised pa rin ngunit bakas sa tono ng boses ko ang pagbibiro.

He tilted his head slightly, eyes briefly glancing at the counter before going back to me.

“Why? Am I not allowed to drink here?” He said casually, with a playful tone like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Napairap ako ng konti, pero hindi ko mapigilan yung slight tension na biglang bumalik sa dibdib ko.

I went back to what I was doing, hands moving automatically, pero ramdam ko pa rin yung presence niya nearby. Parang kahit hindi ko siya tinitingnan, alam ko pa rin na nandun siya.

“Ano oras tapos ng shift mo?” Tanong niya habang pinaglalaruan ang vodka na nasa harap niya.

“Why?” Tanong ko.

“Wala lang.” Kibit balikat na sambit niya.

Nang magkaroon ng rest time, agad akong lumabas sa exit para magpahangin. Parang kailangan ko munang huminga nang maayos, yung hindi ka kinakapos kahit nandito ka lang sa gitna ng trabaho.

Kahit naman palagi akong nasa bar, hindi pa rin ako masanay-sanay. Every night feels the same, pero never really gets easier. It still feels suffocating inside. Yung ingay, yung ilaw, yung galaw ng mga tao, parang sabay-sabay na dumadagan sa ulo ko hanggang sa pakiramdam ko kailangan ko munang lumabas para makahinga ulit

Pagbukas ko ng exit door, sumalubong agad sa akin yung mas malamig na hangin.

That small change was enough. Parang biglang lumiit yung bigat sa dibdib ko, kahit konti lang. I closed my eyes for a second, letting the quiet outside wash over me.

“Finally…” I whispered under my breath, almost like I was talking to myself.

I was just standing there, zoning out, trying to clear my head.

Hanggang sa may lumabas.

It’s him… Again.

“Do you smoke?” tanong niya sa akin, his voice calm pero may konting curiosity na parang hindi lang casual question.

Napatingin ako sa kanya sandali bago sumagot. “Not really, kapag stress lang,” sagot ko habang nakasandal pa rin sa pader, ramdam ko pa rin yung lamig ng gabi na tumatama sa balat ko.

I shifted my weight a little, looking away sa exit ng bar, watching the faint movement of people inside from where I stood.

“Why?” I added after a second, glancing at him

He didn’t answer right away.

Instead, he just looked at me for a moment, nag aalangang sumagot.

“Wanna try a shotgun?” Tanong niya.

Napatingin ako sa kanya bigla, gulat na gulat.

“Ha?” I blurted out, blinking once, then twice, trying to process what he just said

For a second, akala ko kung anong narinig ko. My brows furrowed slightly habang nakasandal pa rin ako sa pader, parang kailangan ko pang i-replay yung words niya sa isip ko.

“Shotgun?” I repeated, slower this time, like I was making sure I wasn’t misunderstanding him.

He nodded slightly, like it was nothing unusual.

What the fuck? He’s driving me crazy.

“You mean like… smoking?” I asked, just to be sure.

“Mhm, wanna try it?” Tanong niya while having a smirk on his face.

He took a slow inhale. Kalmado lang, hindi nagmamadali. Then he leaned a little closer to me until he exhaled the smoke.

Binuga niya yung usok diretso sa bibig ko,. And I didn't even hesitate. I just leaned likeit was the most normal thing in the world.

Sanay, kahit first time ko lang.

It felt too intimate for something done in a place like this, sa labas ng bar habang may mga taong dumadaan.

It’s too risky, but I like it.