Chapter III: Strangers

Patricia dragged me out of the coffee shop as soon as we closed it. Biglaan niyang naisip na mag-bonding kami sa bahay niya, dress up, eat, talk, and watch some movies—the things that we used to do. Memories of it came back rushing through my mind. Those were the happiest days that I will treasure until I die. Those were the days of young adulthood—chasing our dreams, making the most out of every day, getting wasted, coming home late but sober. Patricia and I were partners in crime even when we were still at Ariel.

“You’re spacing out!” She blurted, making a sudden brake at the stop light. I shrugged and pressed the radio playing a random station. She seemed irritated but she did not say anything. We entered Jacques subdivision in complete silence. Patricia did not wanna ruin the mood even more so she was cheering me up. She told me what happened about her trip at Merida City and told me about a guy she’s been eyeing for two weeks now. I tried my best to give her my full attention and to listen to her attentively. But my mind was so messed up that it appears to be blank. In the end I did not understand all the things she said.

I feel like a complete failure again for treating her this bad.

We got into her house and went straight to her room. She’s up for a call, ordering a pizza while I was half-heartedly preparing and looking at the clothes she bought. At least I know, this could make her feel satisfied.

My little acting worked, now she was looking at me with a smile on her face. “Try that one! The first time I saw it, I already knew it would fit on you!” She pointed out at the pale moss green skirt.

I hesitantly removed my black chiffon blouse and high waist jeans. I am in my sando and cycling shorts and she's laughing at me. Mukha akong bata na pinilit lang magbihis ng nanay niya. Ibinato niya sa'kin ang isang long sleeves na white, “for the top.” She raised her brow and crossed her arms, feeling like a fashion designer. Nang makita niyang nahihirapan ako sa pagsusuot nung damit ay lumapit siya, she arranged the skirt’s belt and helped me with the long sleeves. Hinila niya ‘yung kamay ko, she was smiling the whole time.

“Raise your hand kasi, I think it’s better na tiklupin siya ng kaunti,” she said pertaining to the sleeves. “No, it is better this way.” I shook my head and took a step away from her. Being the hard-headed as she is, hindi siya nagpapigil, hinila niya ‘yung braso ko. She started folding

the sleeves up-way to my arms. “I’m the stylist here, ‘aight.” She stopped, realizing what she had seen.

I immediately rolled down the sleeves and readied myself to leave. Disappointment was written all over her face. A tear escaped from her eyes, “gosh! I… I’m sorry.”

I was just standing in front of her, keeping my mouth shut. As I turned to leave, she held my hand, stopping me. Kinuha niya muli ‘yung braso ko, she traced all the cuts with her fingertips.

She stood up, “some of them are fresh. Just sit here. I’ll go get some first aid.” She simply wiped her tears and left the room. I counted up to ten before leaving her house. We would just fight and I would have to explain everything to her. I don’t want that.

Sinalubong ako ng malamig na hangin at malawak na kalsada.

She’s my best friend and I don’t wanna be a burden to her. I’ve been dependent on her and now I can't do it anymore. She has her own life, has her own problems, has her own issues. We all have. So why would I add mine to hers. Maybe other people would say that I am stupid, but I really am. Maybe others would say that we can share our burdens with one another so everything would get easier, but that’s just what they think. And I think that way would not work in my case.

This is my own problem; I should be the one to fix it or make it even worse. My own choice. So that I would not end up hating someone that I shared decisions with.

I hope she would not hate me for being like this—again.

I know this is just me, running away. But what else could I do?

Nakalabas ako ng Jaques subdivision nang hindi ko namamalayan. Alas-otso lang ng gabi pero halos wala ng sasakyan na dumadaan. Nagpatuloy na lamang ako sa paglalakad kaysa tumunganga doon sa waiting shed. Bago pa ako tuluyang makalabas sa main road ay mayroong isa pang subdivision. 

Octavius. 

Octavius subdivision.

My feet instantly stopped, as if it’s waiting for someone to come out of the subdivision. As if my feet felt the need to stop, wait, and see.

Stop, wait, and see if the stupid intruder is really living there.

I stood there for about five-minutes, not even one mode of transportation came. The guard even asked me if I have a business inside the subdivision or if I needed some help. I just shook my head. I do not have the audacity to ask if there is someone named Chris that lives there. If the guard will say yes, then what? And if the guard would say no, then what? I don’t really have anything to do with him, to do here. I want to punch myself for leaving my best friend and wanting to know if Chris lives here.

I kept on walking even though my feet felt so heavy and glued to the place. A red Toyota car stopped at my side; it was the only car on the road. 

The only car.

I stopped walking as well because of curiosity. I tilted my head only to see my reflection, the car was tinted. The window opened, making me see a familiar face. As soon as my eyes adjusted, I knew it was him.

Chris.

Chris without a surname.

A self-proclaimed man of his words.

Chris the intruder.

“I am expecting to see you soon, I did not expect that it will be this soon.” He smiled and walked out of his car towards me. He’s about to say something but I removed my shoes, opened the door, and sat comfortably at the passenger’s seat. He looked puzzled but he came back to his car and sat at the driver’s seat, “okay ka lang?” he asked.

My feet were swollen because of the shoes, I ran away to avoid an argument with my best friend, I am confused as hell. I just want to be hit by a vehicle but unfortunately it didn't happen, “I’m fine.” He nodded, still confused with my actions. “Could you please drive me… anywhere?”

The weight on my shoulders is unbearable. My eyes are getting heavier and heavier. Feels like my whole life is coming on a flashback and if I go back to my apartment, I won’t be able to control this heavy storm within me.

“Okay…?” He was unsure. Just like me.

I don’t want emotional pain anymore, it’s exhausting. Draining every part of my body leaving me useless and effed up.

Tahimik ang buong biyahe. Wala akong lakas para magpaliwanag sa kanya kung ano ba itong ginagawa ko. Buti na lamang ay wala siyang sinabi bukod sa pagtatanong kung kumain na ba ako, at kung gusto kong dumaan sa convenient store bago niya ako ihatid papunta sa apartment ko. Sasabihin ko sana na huwag na lamang pero tumango lang ako, balak ko sana magutom na lang hanggang sa mamatay kaso masyadong mabagal ang magiging proseso ng kamatayan ko.

Ayoko.

Huwag na lang.

We stopped at a convenience store. There are few people, most of them are teens hanging out with their friends, grabbing every junk food and liquor at the store.

Mas pinili kong mag-yapak dahil masyado ng maliit ang sapatos ko, hindi ko na kaya, nagkasugat na din ako. Napatawa na lamang ako sa sarili ko, gustong magpakamatay, pero ayaw masaktan. I guess that’s the really idea of suicide, you don’t want the pain that’s why you are running away from it.

Ang tagal niya bago bumaba ng sasakyan kaya’t nauna na akong pumasok sa loob. Agad akong kumuha ng apat na bote ng Smirnoff, binuksan kaagad ang isa nito saka ininom. Tinignan ako ng isa sa mga staff pero hindi ko ito pinansin. Chris came into the store; I was getting donuts when he dropped a pair of black slippers in front of me.

“Akala ko wala sa sasakyan, natagalan ako sa paghahanap.”

Isinuot ko ‘yung tsinelas. It might be his, the size was gigantic but it is better than walking on barefoot. I mouthed thanks and walked to the cashier. Tinulungan niya ako sa mga dala ko. Sumusunod lang siya sa’kin, he didn't buy anything but he paid for the things I bought. Although I want to argue about it, my energy was not sufficient enough. I am drained.

We came back to his car, all through the ride I was just eating, shutting my mouth off with food. I caught him glancing at me about five times. I know he might be wondering about everything, for seeing me near their subdivision and riding in his car without further explanations.

He’s just going with the flow.

Two strangers in a car together. Probably, both running away from their own nightmares. No explanation. Just letting it flow, no harm, no cares. Just letting it all go along the stream of what other people might call as fate, but for us, this is just a series of unfortunate events. We just happened to force each other’s door so we could walk in, and save ourselves – for a second.