LENS

I am alone changing my clothes inside my room because I am dirty and sweating, cleaning the house. I want the whole house to be clean. I want the food to be ready before Duke arrives from work because I know he is tired. Duke is always travelling delivering things that their clients ask. He is working in a logistic company while I am working from home. I am doing my online cosmetics and clothes business, and at the same time, I am teaching English lessons to Korean students. Duke and I are already engaged, and we are living together in the house that my parents gave me because they moved now to Canada. They left their car under my name, too, and we are so lucky to start a new life together without starting from scratch. Duke is working hard to save money. Same as me because we are planning to put up a resto- bar business in the future. So that he doesn’t need to go to work every day and we have our own time. No boss, no reports and most of all, we are the boss. Sounds good and I am too excited to achieve it all with the man I love. That is why I understand if he is always not home because he is doing it for us, for our future children. So that we already have a stable life before our children because we want to give them a stable life too. 

While changing my dirty and sweaty clothes. I noticed a man standing behind me. He is wearing a black mask with red smiling paint on it, covering his whole face and even I can’t see his face because it was covered. I know that he is looking at me, watching me change my clothes. I freeze, and I slowly look at him. His stare gives chills to me even though I can't see his eyes. I know that he is staring at me. The hair all over my body stood up, and my heartbeat fast and in an instant I felt scared. He is silently watching me, and he is also holding a gun in his right arm. I closed my eyes and begged him not to shoot me even though he was not pointing the gun at me. Still I am scared that he might shoot me. I know he is just staring at me with a gun in his hand. I don’t know what he wants. He is not taking any valuable things that I have. My cellphone is just there at the mini table beside me and he can grab it as fast as he could if he wanted to but he never grabs it. So it is clear that this is not burglary. He didn’t want anything from me but what does he want? The question I asked inside my head while he was staring at me. I don’t know but I have this feeling that he has been watching me for a long time. I tried to get my phone on the mini table beside my bed to call Duke and ask for help, but he made a “no” sign.Means I am not allowed to pick it up. I step forward, but he steps forward too, I step backwards, and he steps backwards too. As if he already knows what I am planning to do even without talking. I shake my head, and he does the same. He shakes his head too. I want to cry. I want to scream now, but what if he shoots me? If I make noise that is why I hold my fear and look at him.

“No, please,” I whispered. Begging him not to do what he is planning to do even though he is just staring at me while still holding his gun.

“No, please,” I whispered again while looking at him straight in his eyes.

He walked close to me, and he hit me with his gun on my head. I felt dizzy in an instant, and I saw my blood flowing from my head. My white shirt now turns red because of my blood. I feel like my skull cracked and it’s so painful. I want to scream, but there’s no voice coming from my mouth. He grabbed my left foot and I fell to the floor with my hips touching the floor; it made me cry in pain. He is dragging me leaving my room. My blood from my head drips on the floor, which leaves a mark on the floor of the crime that happened. Even though I was only wearing a shirt and panties. He doesn’t care as long as he is dragging me. I tried to hold on to something while he was dragging me, but I couldn’t find anything. I saw traces of my blood on the floor and at the front door. He carries me, and there’s a truck waiting for us outside, and there is a box inside the truck. I know he is going to put me there. I can’t stop my heart from beating fast because I am nervous and scared. Especially when he carried me and threw me inside the box. A box that is enough to fit me inside with a little hole enough for me to breathe and survive. My body is folded, and I can’t move while my blood is still dripping. He covered my mouth with duct tape that he was holding so that I could not shout or make noise, and he closed the box and put tape on it. I heard the truck engine turn on, and we will go to a place that only he knows. I don’t know why he is doing this but I know he didn’t steal anything from the house so it is me that he wants and I know at that moment that I am hopeless because I was kidnapped.

I woke up sweating in the middle of a cold night when I heard a noise downstairs. I looked around and I thank God it is just a dream, although it looks real. I wiped my sweat and I composed myself and thought for seconds, If I am really awake or not and I listened to the noise downstairs. I am making sure that my mind is not tricking me that maybe it is the man from my dream and maybe I am still dreaming. Wearing my pajamas and my slippers, I stand up to check who it is. I slowly went downstairs.

“Oh, love,” I said with excitement when I saw Duke home. I hugged and kissed him. He is the one making a little noise because he is looking for something. Maybe because he thought that I was already sleeping, that is why he didn’t call for me. He doesn’t want to disturb me.

“How’s your work?” I asked him

“Not yet done, I need to go again”, He answered. He went upstairs inside our room with his bag, and I followed him.

“But you just went home,” I said

“What should I do?” He paused, look at me and asked me

“We will go to Pampanga” He said and continued putting his stuff inside his bag without even looking at me. 

“Until when was that?” I asked him back while watching him in a hurry putting all his stuff inside his bag. He didn’t answer because he was busy putting his things inside the bag. Like his brief, toothbrush and toothpaste, perfume, shave, soap, shirt and wallet. He went home to leave again. He is in a hurry like it is so urgent that he needs to leave right after putting all the things he needs inside his bag. He didn’t even take a bath or rest even for seconds. I watched him gather everything even though I am not sure if he will really go to work or He will have a vacation because of the things that he put inside his bag but what should I do? But trust him because I love him.

“Love”, I called him, but he was too busy to mind me. As if I am not there talking to him.

“Did you have your dinner?” I asked while watching him putting all his things inside his bag. I feel like I want to grab his bag and don’t let him go because he has been working for almost forty-eight hours now and I miss him so much but I know he will get mad at me. As much as I want him to stay even for a night but I know I couldn’t.

“Where did you have your dinner?” I asked again but he didn’t answer. I want to ask him for dinner but I know he will refuse that is why I just let him fix his things. He picks his comb in the drawer and comb his hair and looks at himself in the mirror for a second. He put perfume all over his body. Enough to fill the whole room with the fragrance of his perfume. 

“How long are you going to stay in Pampanga?” 

“Love,” I called him.

“Love,” I called him again. Trying to catch his attention. 

“Can you please stop asking?” He asked back. Paused. Inhale. Exhale. Without looking at me. Touched his head and He looks irritated because I kept on asking him.

“I am in a hurry. Ray is waiting for me,” He said while continuing fixing the things that he would bring. I didn’t talk when he told me to stop because I didn’t want him to get mad. I just watched him fix his things and when he was done putting his stuff inside his bag. He kissed me on my cheek and hugged me.

“See you tomorrow morning. I will try to go home early in the morning,” He said while carrying his bag and he was ready to go. I didn’t say a word. I just nodded and watched him leave. He didn’t eat the chicken and the steak that I cooked for him and set on the table. That is why I put it inside the fridge so that it will not spoil. He can microwave the food tomorrow when he comes back just in case that I am not home because I have a buyer to meet tomorrow at seven 'o'clock a.m. I am worried about him because he is almost working for forty-eight hours now, and he doesn’t have a rest, but he still chooses to leave for work again. He might get sick or over fatigue but what should I do? He doesn't want to listen to me.

I lay down on the bed again and tried to sleep but I can’t go back to sleep anymore. That is why I stood up and prepared the order for tomorrow. It is a red dress and a perfume I put inside the paper bag that caused P785.00 in total. Mark is the name of my buyer and he said it is for his sister and he wants to meet at the cafe thirty minutes drive away from home and that is fine with me. It is just thirty minutes away anyway.  I hope Duke can go with me tomorrow. I hope he comes home before I leave because I miss him so much. 

I am thinking about Duke because he is so distant now. We are sleeping in the same bed but he is always turning his back at me. He is always busy on his phone and he also puts a password on his phone so that I cannot open it and he never did that before to put a password on his phone. He never hides a call or a message to me. He acts so strange now but even he acts strange. I still trusted him because he is my long term boyfriend. We have been together for almost fifteen years now and I know he will not fool me because his whole family knows me and my family knows him too. Of course we are childhood best friends and of course I want to grow old with him. I’ve known him for the rest of my life. He is my best friend, my boyfriend and everything. I trusted him because I loved him so much, and I know he loved me too. Well in fact we are planning a wedding next year. We are planning to get married, So that we will be officially husband and wife and that is all that matters to me even though he has changed a lot. I don’t want to see his changes that is why I am always justifying it, but I feel that he changed a lot. He became strange. Even though I deny it, I can feel it and it’s hard because I feel so alone now but I am still thinking that maybe because things are not the same as when we were teenagers. We need to get serious about our future for the family we are planning and the children we want to have.  He wants to have twins or if not a baby girl first. That is why he is working for almost 48 hours or more. That makes him tired and exhausted. Yeah! Maybe he is only tired because of his work. Even I want him to quit his job. I know he would not listen. He will just remind me about our future plans. So he has a reason not to quit and I know that he is enjoying it. Enjoying his work, enjoying his company, enjoying the travel even though he doesn't want to tell me his exact office. I don’t care because I am blinded by my love and trust for him and I know that he will not cheat on me because he loves me. 

I lie down on the bed again; alone without Duke. After I prepare the order for tomorrow's appointment. I took a deep breath because in this cold night only the blanket can keep me warm, not his hug. I miss him so much because he feels so distant nowadays. Maybe he is pressured by our plan to get married next year because even me. I am pressured, too, at the same time excited. I tried to erase my dream because it was scaring me. That is why I turned on my reading lamp and got my book from the mini table beside the bed. I read the Angel and demons, authored by

Dan Brown. Duke gave it to me as a gift last valentines day because he knows that I love reading with a cute heart bracelet and with a teddy bear on it. I read until I fell asleep. Hoping for tomorrow when I open my eyes. He is already home sleeping beside me. Warming my body with his embrace.