Chapter 15: Hopeless

ALEXANDER

Blood rushed to my head, and the humiliation was more than I could bear. My chest tightened with so much anger that I could barely breathe. My vision darkened, and I fainted.

The first thing I felt when I came to was the soreness in my throat. Then came the excruciating pain—pain that was all too familiar, only this time it was worse. A horrifying thought followed immediately: those bastards had forced themselves on me even while I was unconscious. Even then, they had still taken turns with me.

The pain in my chest was unbearable, and hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

“You should be used to this already.”

I recognized that voice at once. Of course—it was Alpha Damon. Who else could speak such cruel words with such cold righteousness?

My eyes flew open, blazing with anger. I knew they were bloodshot, and the force of my glare hurt me, but Alpha Damon only looked at me with an expressionless face. Then he chuckled.

“They all seemed very excited after taking turns on you,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. “I wonder what they see in you that makes them willing to go to war with us immediately, so long as I keep providing you for them.”

His words sent a chill through my heart, but Alpha Damon either didn’t notice the pain on my face or simply chose to ignore it. He leaned toward me, studying me thoughtfully, then muttered, “What is so special about you?”

I gritted my teeth against the pain twisting through my abdomen. I refused to ask help from the man who was tormenting me for no reason other than his own cruelty. Realizing I had no intention of speaking to him, he waved a hand casually and sneered.

“Since you don’t want to talk to me, fine. You seem to be in pain, so I’ll send the pack healer to attend to you. You deserve it for the service you’re rendering to the pack.”

I couldn’t tell whether he was mocking me or praising me, but either way, his words cut deeper. My eyelids lowered as the ache in my chest grew heavier than the hatred in my heart.

I watched him turn and head for the door, but then he suddenly stopped and looked back at me.

“The pack will be attacking the invaders at the northern border. You should pray, like everyone else in the pack, that we conquer our enemies. There are far worse fates for a rogue pack after defeat.”

I shut my eyes. I didn’t know if anything could be worse than this—being sent from one man’s bed to another, being used by men whose faces I didn’t even know. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Even though I hated Alpha Damon and my father for putting me through this, I still didn’t wish for the pack to be defeated.

While I sobbed silently with my eyes shut, I heard heavy footfalls, followed by Christina’s voice.

“My Lady, the pack healer is here. I also brought you some food. Please don’t starve yourself anymore.”

I opened my eyes and looked at Christina with ridicule before sneering, “What is the use of living like this, Christina? Is this not worse than death? What freedom do I have? I cannot even make decisions for myself. What is so special about living?”

Shock flashed across Christina’s face. She must have been surprised by my eloquence, or perhaps she simply had not expected me to be capable of such thoughts. The pack healer coughed lightly to draw our attention, then said, “You both should be quiet. I want to begin the treatment.”

I pressed my lips together tightly. I had so many bottled-up grievances, but venting them to Christina was pointless. She was only a maid and could not even make decisions for herself. Lowering my eyelids, I wished only for the pain in my abdomen to disappear so I could wash away the stench of those disgusting men from my body.

Then I felt something shift, and a deep groan came from beside my bed. The pain in my body began to fade slowly. My eyes flew open, and I turned to see the pack healer with black veins spreading across his body, especially prominent on his forehead. I realized immediately that he was channeling my pain into himself.

My gaze softened. I did not even know whether I should be angry anymore. At that moment, I felt like the most useless person in the pack. The pack healer had his duty. The warriors were ready to die defending the pack. The children brought life to it. The women were not just mothers; they raised children to become warriors. Even the servants were always attending to their masters’ needs.

But what about me? What was I useful for?

The moment the pain was gone, I drifted into a deep slumber.

When I woke, I was terribly thirsty.

“My Lady, sit up. There is water for you,” Christina said.

I realized then that my resentment toward Christina had been unfounded. She did not deserve my harsh treatment. With what little strength I had, I sat up, and she carefully helped me drink. Afterward, once I had eaten, I lay back on the bed and fell asleep again.

When I woke up, I got out of bed, washed up, and changed. Just as I finished, hurried footsteps rushed toward my door. Before I could figure out what was happening, the door burst open and Christina rushed in.

“My Lady,” she said anxiously, “the pack went out to attack the invaders, but we were driven back. Many warriors are injured, the entire castle is shrouded in gloom, and everyone is blaming you for the pack’s misfortune. I am very worried about you, my lady.”

Christina spoke so quickly that my head buzzed. I couldn’t understand why anyone was blaming me for something I knew nothing about.