Grieving (Nole)

Authors Note: This is the fifth book in the Harvest series. If you would like to read Harvested, Abandoned, Protected, and Groomed please G****e them. I am not sure if W*****d blocks names of other reading platforms. Goodnovel is where most of my stories are.

NOLE POV

  I grunt as I complete my 93rd chin-up. My biceps are screaming and my chest feels as if it will rip in half if I do another rep, but I refuse to quit. My personal best is 97 chin-ups, and stopping short of that is unacceptable.

  I grind my teeth together and tighten my grip before pushing my muscles to contract four more times. When I reach 97 I exhale the breath I didn't realize I was holding and drop down. My bare feet hit moss and I smile despite my exhaustion.

I still can't believe I am retired. No more fighting. No more comrades staring up at me with unseeing eyes. I am done. I am a Gold Rank Harvest Champion. Modok, Burk, and I all made it out alive. Suddenly, Teruk's face flashes in my mind, and my joy disappears. The last battle might have resulted in Gold status and the death of Pilos, but it also claimed the life of my last male cousin. I am the only male in my family to return home.

  Bronkark, Hassin, Makskin, and Cok consistently send more soldiers than every other planet in the alliance. Our losses are huge, and the females on said planets tend to outnumber the males three to one. But without the support of the larger species the others would have lost the war by now. Surviving all ten years of service is an honor, but the mourning and loss here on Bronkark is substantial. My family isn't unique in the fact that I am the last surviving male.

  I grab my shirt from the ground and pull it over my sweat-covered torso. I push my grief back down and set off down the mountain. I need to find a home for my future mate. Mom and Dad are probably expecting me already. Milea and Seay will have been transported in with their mates and kids by now as well.

I move through the familiar terrain and the animals chatter in the brush about my presence, but I ignore the familiar sounds. I need to focus on making important decisions. I have stalled with my workout long enough. I will only be able to choose my mate from a pool of 55 females, but with my home, I can choose from all of them. This choice seems easy to make compared to the choice I will be making in less than two weeks.

I reach my parents' home in about fifteen minutes and walk into absolute chaos. My sisters' two children are screaming and my oldest sister and mother are close to tears as well.

"What is happening," I ask Gaston as he scoops up his young daughter.

 Gaston looks me in the eye and I recognize his solemn expression instantly. He and Seay's mate, Fain, were both soldiers who retired four years ago. They have both experienced loss on the battlefield. They know how to push it down in order to move forward just like me.

  "Teruk's funeral. Your Aunt is wanting to postpone. She can't seem to accept it is time for him to return to the galaxy," Gaston explains quietly and I nod.

  The ceremony before a deceased person is turned to dust and sent out into the deep is difficult for every mother. I am not surprised my Aunt wants to drag her feet.

"What about my Uncle and Teru. They should be able to convince her," I ask before smiling at my niece who is trying to secretly look me over.

  I have only seen her a handful of times, but I am ready to correct that. I plan to get to know both my niece and nephew before the tournament begins. My mind needs to reconnect with life and hope two things children bring to all.

"Teru agrees with her mother. Your mother is grieving with her sister and my mate is doing the same. We tried to tell them Teruk wouldn't want them suffering like this..., but it was too soon to say that, I believe," Gaston says, and I nod before walking farther into the room.

Seay sees me first and immediately stands up from her spot to meet me in the middle of the room. She wraps her graceful arms around me and I smile as her warmth heals a piece of my soul.

Visits home are far apart and short when you are an active soldier. Since eighteen I have only seen Seay in person once.

  "Congrats little brother. We are so proud of you," she says in my ear, and I grin while locking eyes with Milea, who gives me a watery smile.

  I pat Seay's back before releasing her and standing up to my full height.

"Teruk is already resting, Mother. Aunt Cara needs you to guide her. The longer she waits, the harder it will be for her," I say clearly, and Mother shakes her head.

  "She needs another day, Nole. We can give her that," Mother says, and I sigh before hugging Milea, who left her spot next to Mother.

  "I missed you. I am so happy you came home to us," she says as she squeezes me tightly.

  I squeeze her back, and when she releases me, I smile at her.

"I was lucky. My team was strong, which in turn made me strong," I say, and she nods before patting my chest.

"I bet you made them strong too," she says softly, and before I can respond, she walks back to our mother's side.

"I will not force Cara to part with her son until she is ready. I know I wouldn't be able to accept your death so quickly, Nole," Mother says and I nod.

"I understand. Death is more common for soldiers. I apologize for being callous," I say and Mother nods before leaning into Milea.

  Father watches his mate tenderly before looking at me and what I see there almost knocks the air from my lungs. Pure and utter joy is printed on his normally stern face. I immediately realize how frightening the past nine years must have been for them. Never knowing if the next call would be about my demise... I nod my head toward my father and he smiles. He was a soldier as well. He must know how many times it was almost me who died. How many times have Teruk, Burk, or Modok saved my life?

"Teruk was a hero. He deserves an honorable send-off," I state before I can stop myself, and even Seay begins to weep.

  The other males all give me looks, but I ignore them. Tears are good and healthy. The tears will bleed the grief from their bodies and make it easier for us when we attend the ceremony.

I look at Father and clear my throat.

"I am leaving for a while. I need to find a home for my mate. I will return before last meal," I say, and he nods before pulling Mother into his arms to soothe her.

Gaston and Fain also move to comfort their mates and I leave the room. I haven't cried for Teruk yet, and to be honest, I don't think I can. Grief is a part of me now. I cried numerous times over the years for countless fallen, but my tears have since dried up. My heart still aches, but my eyes remain dry.