Preparation (Nole)

NOLE POV

I keep my face blank as the thick liquor Cok is known for burns my throat. My mind is buzzing with emotions that I haven't been forced to deal with in years.

When you are an active soldier the next threat keeps your mind from thinking about everyone you lost, but I no longer have that distraction. Now I have to watch my family grieve. I have to listen to the old stories about my cousin's youth and how much everyone will miss him. I have to hear my father talk about his brother who also died in battle. All the sorrow is making me think about everyone I have seen fall and my mind is close to cracking. How do the retirees do it? How do they stay sane?

"You beat me here," Modok says from my left and I am snapped back into reality.

I give my friend a care-free grin and he returns it.

"Yeah, I could here the drinks calling my name," I joke and he nods.

He doesn't joke back which is normal for him. Modok is a serious type of person. He calculates and watches. I have been known to grow impatient with him on several occasions, but he is a dependable friend. He has saved my life and I have saved his.

"I was browsing homes," he replies and my eyebrows lift.

"You still haven't found a place," I ask as the Cok working the bar replaces my empty glass.

I quickly down the new glass as Modok shake his head no.

I should have known Modok would wait until the last minute to choose, but the tournament begins in six days. He needs to buckle down. I know if he doesn't he will grow more stressed by the day. He will begin to believe it is an impossible choice.

"Not knowing what species she will be is making me hesitant. I don't know what her preferences will be," he says before taking his shot.

As I watch him I see there is the faint worry line on his forehead that I have only seen a few times before. The usaully calm Modok is feeling the pressure.

"Just pick something fancy, but easily defendable. I found a place two days after we were retired," I say as smoothly as I can, but my five previous shots are starting to take affect.

"Slow down. You have had enough," he says instantly and I grunt.

Of course he caught my slight slur.

"Are you more nervous than you are letting on? Drinking that much before I even arrive... I would say Nole, the fearless, is feeling the pressure," Modok asks, and I smirk because he guessed incorrectly.

Modok can normally read me like a book, but he is too consumed with his stress to think I would be worried about anything else... But honestly choosing a mate has been pushed to the back of my mind. After spending time with my family I have only been focusing on them and their sadness, but he doesn't need to know that.

"Of course. This is our life partner we are talking about here," I say with a bit too much enthusiasm, but he misses it and nods.

"This will be the single most important decision of our lives," he says before taking a shot and I rub a hand through my hair.

I wish I could be focused on the beautiful females I will be competing for, but all I can see is Aunt Cara crying. She cried over Teruk like she would never stop. Uncle had to carry her away so they could turn his body to dust.

To be truthful I had thought I would mate later in life. I had planned to come home and spend a few years bonding with my family before dating. I had thought maybe my sisters could set me up with one of their friends or maybe a sexy orange female would catch my eye, but that won't happen. I am a champion. I have to choose a female and bring her home to my still grieving family. I won't pair with a gorgeous orange Bronkark. I will honor the Harvest by choosing someone off world even though I feel like Bronkark women are the best. I will just suck it up... I growl inside my head. The alcohol is making me negative. I almost felt resentful for being chosen there for a second. That is impossible. Being chosen is an honor... I will place high and I will choose someone that can help my family heal. It will all work out. I refuse to believe otherwise. Mates are gifts no matter what they look like.

"I know we can place high. I am not worried about fighting anyone, but... Choosing a mate is special. I always imagined courting an orange beauty for months before deciding whether she would be the one, but the Harvest is only a week long. All the races will be present. I am a bit worried I won't be able to pick the one," I say so Modok can understand some of my thoughts and he places his hand on my shoulder.

"We have fought and survived by following our instincts. When we meet her we will know, Nole. We will know she is ours by the way she feels in our arms when we dance. We will desire a specific one, and that is the one we should choose," he says, and I grin.

"You're right. The tournament is just another battle. Trust our instincts," I say and his hand drops from my shoulder.

He reaches for another shot, but I shoot him the "look."

"What," he demands.

"Follow your own advice and pick a house. Get it over with. Go with your gut," I say and he grins at my advice.

He takes his shot and claps me on the back before standing up. He leaves without another word and I take another shot before paying for our drinking and following his example.

I need to push away all these negative feelings. I need to focus on the tournament and the happiness it can bring me and my family. Being unhappy isn't doing anything for the people I have lost.

*****

"You're stiff," Burk growls as Modok tosses his blade back and forth between his hands.

I can see it too. Modok still has that frown line on his forehead and his muscles are moving slower than usual.

"Loosen up. I won't even need to heal after this if you don't," Burk grumbles at Mo, and I laugh.

Burk already beat my ass so I can't say too much, but it is clear that Modok is off his game. He must be worried about the tournament fights and I can't blame him. Burk is a master and there are three other Commanders competing.

"It's going to be brutal if we have to fight each other," I say voicing my fear, and Burk grunts as Modok lands a closed-fisted blow to Burk's ribcage.

"We would be at a disadvantage," Modok mumbles and I snort.

Bronkarks are big and I am a good fighter, but he is right fighting Burk would put me at a disadvantage. As long as I don't draw Burk I should win.

"Don't give that metallic bastard a big head, Mo. I can take him if I had to," I say anyway and Burk clips Modok's jaw.

He gets dazed for a second and stumbles back. Burk watches him closely, but it's clear the match is over. In a real battle Modok would be dead.

"Nole, may I remind you I advanced. You are the one sitting on the ground," Burk says and I give him a playful glare before laughing.

He called my bluff. Fighting Burk in the tournament would most likely mean defeat, but his win isn't guaranteed. I have beaten him in practice before.

"Well, you are number one today, which means Mo and I will have to battle for number two," I say to change the topic and Modok grins as our eyes lock.

"Give me a moment to recover you big orange bastard," he says before sitting down a yard away from me and I laugh.

He seems to be having a hard time with my home field advantage.

"Is that what you will tell your female... Wait, my love, I need to rest before I defend you," I say to get under his armored skin and he snarls before snapping to his feet.

Before I can move he leaps on top of me and punches me. Next thing I know something is poking me in the side and I am waking up.

"Bastard," I grumble when I realize he used his speed to knock me out.

"Third for you today, then," Modok says, and I kick his leg.

"You cheated," I yell but he just laughs at my angry response.

He knows I won't challenge the standings. He got me fair and square. I was too distracted with teasing him and he got me. I sigh. I love this. Practice brawls with my battle buddies in an open field on my home planet. It is a dream come true to have survived the war and live so carefree.