001

Juliana

—

My mother hates me.

Kung may kaunti mang pagdududa sa akin noon, ngayon sigurado na ako. And at this point, the word hate is an understatement. No. She freaking loathes me.

"Is there anything else we could do, Atty. Riyal?" desperado kong tanong sa isa sa mga personal attorney ng aking ina na kasalukuyang nasa harap ko.

Halos manuyo ang aking lalamunan at maging ang mga palad ay nanlamig sa ibinalita niya kani-kanina lang.

"I'm already of legal age. I just turned nineteen years old last week, for Pete's sake!" dagdag ko.

God, I hated how I could literally hear the tremor in my own voice.

Akala ko walang magbabago. I thought everything would stay the same. That I would stay the same. Here, in boarding school, until I finished my degree. And after that, I would finally have my own life, still far away from all of them.

Bakit hindi na lang gano'n? Why did she have to make this all complicated?

The old man just sighed and adjusted his glasses bago siya umiling. "We have to honor this, hija. Besides, this is a legal document your mother prepared years ago. If you don't go through her conditions, then I'm sorry..."

I bit my lip so hard until I tasted something metallic. Nararamdaman ko ang luhang nangingilid sa aking mga mata pero hindi pa rin tuluyang pumapatak.

"She couldn't do this to me," mariing baling ko sa matanda.

Hindi ko alam kung alin ang mas matindi sa dalawa—my disbelief at what's happening, or the anger boiling inside me because of it. Either way, kanina ko pa pinagdarasal na sana panaginip lang ang lahat ng 'to at magigising din ako.

Kaso hindi, e. Andito ako, kaharap ang matanda pati na rin ang papel na ibinigay niya kanina. He explained everything written on it, but none of it matters if that one condition isn't met.

"I'm sorry, hija," mahinahong sambit niya. He sighed again. "But this is your mother's last wish. Kailangan mong sundin ito."

Yeah, right. Last wish my ass. I gritted my teeth.

Nagsimula na siyang mag-ayos ng gamit. Hinayaan ko siyang ipasok ang iba pang mga nakatuping dokumento pabalik sa kanyang leather briefcase, habang tulala pa rin ako sa kasulatan na naiwan sa aking harapan.

"If you successfully meet all the requirements she stated, then you will have no problems in the future." Atty. Riyal patted my back before showing himself out.

He probably didn't want to deal with my outburst kaya agad na siyang umalis pagkatapos sabihin ang mga kailangang sabihin. After all, marami pa siyang kailangang gawin at asikasuhin. Hindi kasama ro'n ang pag-alo sa akin.

When the door finally shut, pure silence filled the visiting hall. Walang ibang tao rito maliban sa aming dalawa kanina dahil nasa gitna ng klase nang ipinatawag niya ako rito.

At ngayong ako na lang ang naroon, sa gitna ng katahimikan, gusto kong mag-wala. I want to release my anger so bad.

I didn't burst into tears when I learned that they were gone.

My mother and stepfather got into a car accident. Dead on arrival. Kaninang umaga lang. Ito ang puno't dulo ng lahat ng nangyayari ngayon.

I thought I was too numb to feel anything. Pero hindi pa rin pala. Because my mother, even in death, still has her own surprises for her one and only daughter.

"You really outdid yourself this time, Mom," mapait na bulong ko sa aking sarili habang tinititigan ang partikular na probisyon na nakasulat sa papel. It was written in bold letters unlike the rest of it.

Ms. Juliana Alaisa A. Zaldarriaga shall reside under the guardianship and supervision of Mr. Raegan Ybarro E. Monteverde until she attains the age of twenty-one (21). Non-compliance with this condition shall result in the forfeiture of her right to the inheritance and all assets bequeathed to her under this will.

Each fucking word burned into my brain, making every inch of my skin itch.

This isn't her last wish. Hindi, dahil alam ko kung para saan 'to. If anything, this is her last act of control over me. This is her telling me to continue everything she worked hard for, in ways I could never stomach.

"Kaya mo pa rin talaga akong pahirapan kahit wala ka na," pagak na halakhak ko. Ang mga luha ay lalong nangilid pero hindi ko hinayaang tuluyang bumagsak. "You really hate to see me happy, huh?"

Kinuha ko ang papel at dahan-dahang nilukot iyon.

She's gone, and I won't waste another second walking back into the cage she built to keep me trapped.

I picked up my phone to call Cairo, my mother's ever-loyal personal assistant. Siya ang nagbalita sa akin ng nangyari kaninang umaga, and he's also the one who told me that one of my mother's attorneys have something important to discuss with me. Hindi ko alam na ang sinasabi niya palang importante ay wala palang kwenta.

Isang ring lang, agad naman itong sumagot.

"Good afternoon, Miss Liana," bungad niya sa mababang boses. "Nakahanda na po ba ang mga gamit niyo?"

Kinuyom ko ang aking kamay, hawak-hawak ko sa loob ang lukot na papel.

"I won't be at the burial," singhal ko. "Don't expect me there, and don't bother updating me with whatever. I'll stay here until the semester ends. Hindi ako uuwi ngayon at wala akong balak na pumunta!"

Pagod na bumuntong-hininga ang lalaki sa kabilang linya. "Pero Miss Liana, kailangan po kayo rito. Nakausap ko na po ang headmistress ng school niyo tungkol sa nangyari at papunta na si Manong Emil dyan para sunduin kayo—"

"Did my mother's death suddenly make you deaf, Cairo?" I cut him off. He's been good to me my entire life, almost like an older brother. But right now, I really want to lash out at everyone. Wala na akong pakialam kung sinong masagasaan ko.

"Hindi po, Miss. Malinaw naman po ang pandinig ko at naririnig ko po kayo nang mabuti, pero kailangan niyo pong pumunta—"

"I don't care! You hear me? I. Don't. Care! Hindi ako pupunta! At hinding-hindi ako kailanman babalik sa lugar na 'yan!" tunog-batang pag-aalboroto ko.

He must have remembered all the tantrums I threw over the years, all those times I begged for love and affection. In a normal situation, I would've been embarrassed by how I'm acting. Ngunit wala ng lugar ang hiya para sa akin ngayon.

"I'll never go back there, kaya 'wag niyo na 'kong guluhin!"

I was about to hang up when a much deeper voice suddenly cut through the line.

"Do that, I dare you."

My skin prickled immediately with the awareness of the familiar voice I hadn't heard in a long time. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mas lalo lang akong nagngitngit sa galit.

Tinanggal ko ang cellphone sa aking tenga at tinitigan iyon nang matalim, na para bang ito ang kaaway ko.

This is him, right? Siya 'to, sigurado ako! I know his voice! Kilalang-kilala ko ang boses na 'to dahil sinumpa kong hindi ko na kailanman maririnig 'to!

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ulit inilapit ang earpiece sa akin.

"And what?" hamon ko. "You can't force me to do anything... you piece of shit!"

"One of your mother's attorneys already paid you a visit. I'm sure by now you're aware of what I can do."

Lalo kong kinuyom ang aking kamao. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

"But you already knew it even before, didn't you?" dagdag na pang-uuyam niya.

A hot fury rushed through my veins, and all I could imagine was how good it would feel to land a punch on his smug face. Naglaban tuloy bigla sa isip ko ang kagustuhang makauwi para lang masuntok siya.

"I will get my inheritance whether you like it or not. Hindi ako uuwi ngayon—"

"Try me, Juliana," malamig na banta niya tulad ng pamilyar na banta niya lagi sa akin noon. "Do that, and say goodbye to the fancy life you have right now."

"Ididemanda kita—," nanggagalaiti kong sambit na agad niyang pinutol.

"With what money?" sarkastiko niyang tanong na ikinatahimik ko.

Nag-igting ang panga ko. Ramdam ko na rin ang panginginig ng katawan ko sa matinding galit na nararamdaman. Even my face feels so hot with all the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Pack your bags and be here before dawn. Don't make me repeat everything I said, and stop acting like a bitch." His voice was firm, and I hated how it reminded me of all the ugly things I'd already put behind years ago.

"Tang ina mo!" sigaw ko, my voice echoing through the hall. "Hindi ako pupunta!"

"Miss Liana, ako na po ito. Huminahon po ka—" si Cairo na tila natataranta.

"Tell him to fucking rot there waiting for me, because I'm not going!" I violently throw my phone across the room. Tumama iyon sa pader nang may malakas na kalabog bago bumagsak ng walang buhay sa marmol na sahig.

My chest heaved as my heartbeat pounded in my ears like drums. Halos mabingi ako dahil sa lakas no'n.

Hinilamos ko ang aking mga palad sa aking mukha.

"Why would you do this to me, Mom?" bulong ko habang pinagmamasdan ang wasak na cellphone.