001

Juliana

—

My mother hates me.

Kung may kaunti mang pagdududa sa akin noon, ngayon sigurado na ako. And at this point, the word hate is an understatement. No. She freaking loathes me.

“Is there anything else we could do, Atty. Riyal?” desperado kong tanong sa isa sa mga personal attorney ng aking ina, na kasalukuyang nakaupo sa aking harapan.

Halos manuyo ang lalamunan ko, at maging ang mga palad ay nanlamig sa ibinalita niya kani-kanina lang.

“I’m already of legal age. I just turned nineteen last week, for Pete’s sake!” dagdag ko.

God. I hated how I could literally hear the tremor in my own voice.

Akala ko, walang magbabago.

I thought everything would just stay the same—that I would stay the same. Here, in boarding school, until I finally finished my degree. And after that, I would finally have my own life, still far away from all of them.

Kaya bakit ba hindi na lang gano’n?

Why did she have to make this all so complicated?

The old man just sighed and adjusted his glasses before slowly shaking his head.

“We have to honor this, hija. Besides, this is a legal document that your mother prepared years ago. So if you don’t go through with her conditions, then I’m sorry…”

I bit my lip so hard until I tasted something metallic.

Nararamdaman ko ang luhang nangingilid sa aking mga mata, ngunit dahil sa matinding pagpipigil ay hindi pa rin tuluyang pumapatak.

“But she couldn’t do this to me!” Mariin ang titig na ipinukol ko sa matanda.

Hindi ko alam kung alin ba ang mas matindi sa dalawa—my disbelief at what’s happening or the anger boiling inside me because of it.

Either way, kanina ko pa pinagdarasal na sana panaginip lang ang lahat ng ito, at mamaya rin ay magigising ako.

Kaso, hindi, e.

Andito ako, kaharap ang matanda, pati na rin ang papel na ibinigay niya sa akin kanina. He explained everything written on it, but none of it matters if that one condition isn’t met.

“I’m sorry, hija,” mahinahong sambit nito. He sighed again. “But this is your mother’s last wish. Kailangan mong sundin ito.”

Yeah, right. Last wish my ass.

I gritted my teeth.

Nagsimula na ang matanda sa pag-aayos ng sariling gamit. Hinayaan ko siyang ipasok ang iba pang mga nakatuping dokumento pabalik sa kanyang leather briefcase, habang tulala pa rin ako sa kasulatan na naiwan sa aking harapan.

“If you successfully meet all the requirements she stated, then you will have no problem in the future,” ani nito. “And it is really for the best, especially for your interests.”

He patted my back before showing himself out.

He probably didn’t want to deal with my outburst kaya agad na siyang umalis pagkatapos sabihin ang mga kailangan niyang sabihin. After all, marami pa siyang kailangang gawin at asikasuhin. Hindi kasama ro’n ang pag-alo sa akin.

When the door finally shut, pure silence filled the visiting hall. Wala rin naman kasing ibang tao rito maliban sa aming dalawa kanina dahil nasa gitna ng klase nang ipinatawag niya ako rito.

At ngayong ako na lang ang naroon, sa gitna ng katahimikan, gusto kong sumabog at mag-wala. I want to release my anger so badly that I could destroy everything in my sight.

I didn’t burst into tears when I learned that they were gone.

Atty. Riyal said that my mother and stepfather got into a car accident. Dead on arrival din ang mga ito, kaninang umaga lang. Ito ang puno’t dulo ng lahat ng mga nangyayari ngayon.

I thought I was too numb to feel anything, pero hindi pa rin pala. And it was because of my mother, who even in death, still has her own surprises for her one and only daughter.

“You really outdid yourself this time, Mom,” mapait na bulong ko sa sarili habang tinititigan ang partikular na probisyon na nakasulat sa papel.

It was written in bold letters unlike the rest of it.

Ms. Juliana Alaisa A. Zaldarriaga shall reside under the guardianship and supervision of Mr. Raegan Ybarro E. Monteverde until she attains the age of twenty-one (21). Non-compliance with this condition shall result in the forfeiture of her right to the inheritance and all assets bequeathed to her under this will.

Each fucking word burned into my brain, making every inch of my skin itch.

This isn’t obviously her last wish. No, dahil alam ko kung para saan talaga ito.

If anything, this is her last act of control over me. This is her telling me to continue everything she worked hard for, in ways I could never stomach.

“Kaya mo pa rin talaga akong pahirapan kahit wala ka na,” pagak na halakhak ko. Ang mga luha ay lalong naipon at nangilid, ngunit katulad kanina, hindi ko pa rin hinahayaang bumagsak. “You really hate to see me happy, huh?”

She’s gone, and I won’t waste another second walking back into the cage that she built to keep me trapped.

I immediately picked up my phone to call Cairo, my mother’s ever-loyal personal assistant. Siya ang unang nagbalita sa akin ng nangyari kaninang umaga. He’s also the one who told me that one of my mother’s attorneys have something urgent and important to discuss with me, hindi pa man dumadaan ang buong araw nang mangyari ang aksidente.

Hindi ko alam na ang sinasabi niya pala na importante ay walang kwenta.

“Good afternoon, Miss Liana,” bungad niya sa mababang boses. “Nakahanda na po ba ang mga gamit niyo?”

Kinuyom ko ang aking kamay, hawak-hawak pa rin sa loob nito ang lukot na papel.

“I won’t be at the burial,” singhal ko, taliwas sa bungad niya. “Don’t expect me to be there, and don’t bother updating me with whatever. I will stay here until the semester ends. Hindi ako uuwi diyan, at wala rin naman talaga akong balak na pumunta!”

Pagod na bumuntong-hininga ang lalaki sa kabilang linya.

“Pero Miss Liana, kailangan po kayo rito. Nakausap ko na po ang headmistress ng school niyo tungkol sa nangyari, at papunta na rin sina Manong Emil para sunduin kayo—”

“Did my mother’s sudden death make you deaf too, Cairo?” I cut him off.

He’s been good to me my entire life, almost like an older brother. But right now, all I wanted was to last out at everyone. Wala na akong pakialam kung sino man ang masagasaan ko.

“Hindi po, Miss. Malinaw naman po ang pandinig ko at naririnig ko po kayo nang mabuti. Ako po ba narinig niyo nang sabihin ko na kailangan niyo pong pumunta—”

“I don’t care! You hear me? I. Don’t. Care! Hindi ako pupunta, at hinding-hindi ako kailanman babalik sa lugar na ‘yan!” tunog-batang pag-aalboroto ko.

He must have remembered all the tantrums I threw as a child over the years, all those times when I begged for my mother’s love and affection. And in a normal situation, I would have been embarrassed by how I’m acting. Ngunit sa ngayon, wala ng lugar ang hiya para sa akin.

“I will never go back there, kaya ‘wag niyo na akong guluhin!”

I was about to hang up when a much deeper voice suddenly cut through the line.

“Do that, I dare you.”

My skin prickled immediately with the awareness of the familiar voice that I hadn’t heard in a long time.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mas lalo lang akong nagngitngit sa galit.

Tinanggal ko pa sandali ang cellphone sa aking tainga, tinitigan iyon nang matalim, na parang bang ito ang kaaway ko.

This is him, right?

Siya ‘to, sigurado ako! I know that voice! His voice!

Kilalang-kilala ko ang boses na iyon dahil minsan ko na ring isinumpa na hindi ko na kailanman maririnig ito.

Huminga ako nang malalim, saka inilapit muli ang earpiece sa akin.

“And what?” hamon ko. “You can’t force me to do anything… you piece of shit!”

“One of your mother’s attorneys already paid you a visit. I’m sure by now you’re aware of what I can do.”

Lalo kong kinuyom ang aking kamao.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

“But you already knew it even before, didn’t you?” dagdag na pang-uuyam niya.

Fresh hot fury rushed through my veins, and I could imagine how good it would feel to land a punch on his smug face. Panandalian tuloy naglaban sa isip ko ang kagustuhang makauwi, taliwas sa totoong gusto ko, para lang masuntok siya.

“I will get my inheritance whether you like it or not. Hindi ako uuwi—”

“Try me, Juliana,” malamig na banta niya tulad ng pamilyar na banta niya lagi sa akin noon. “Do that, and say goodbye to the fancy life you have right now.”

“Ididemanda kita—,” nanggagalaiti kong sambit na agad niya namang pinutol.

“With what money?” sarkastiko niyang tanong, na siya namang ikinatahimik ko.

I clenched my jaw. At ramdam ko rin ang panginginig ng sariling katawan sa matinding galit na nararamdaman. Even my whole face feels so hot with all the blood rushing to my cheeks.

“Pack your bags and be here before dawn. Don’t make me repeat everything I said, and stop acting like a little bitch.” His voice was firm, and I hated how it reminded me of all the ugly things I had already put behind years ago.

“Tang ina mo!” sigaw ko, my voice echoing through the hall. “Sinabi ngang hindi ako pupunta!”

“Miss Liana, ako na po ito. Huminahon po ka—” si Cairo na natataranta.

“Tell him to fucking rot there waiting for me, because I am not going!” I violently throw my phone across the room. Tumama iyon sa pader nang may malakas na kalabog bago iyon tuluyang bumagsak ng walang buhay sa marmol na sahig.

My chest heaved as my heartbeat pounded in my ears like a drum. Halos mabingi ako dahil sa lakas no’n.

Balisa kong hinilamos ang aking mga palad sa aking mukha.

“Why would you do this to me, Mom?” bulong ko habang nanginginig na pinagmamasdan ang wasak na cellphone sa lapag. 

“Just… why?”