Drunk wifey

“You have to be kidding me! No, this has to be a joke.”

Sam practically choked on his laughter, gripping his beer like it was the only thing keeping him upright. We’ve been best friends since childhood—our parents were high school friends, and somehow, the friendship passed down to us like some sort of weird inheritance. Through every phase of life, Sam was the one person who never bailed on me, even when it meant getting bullied alongside me. Unlike me, though, Sam had the whole package: book smart, tall, muscular, and blessed with rich chocolate skin that made people do double takes.

Meanwhile, I was… me.

Even though we didn’t end up at the same college, we always found time to catch up. And right now? I needed this. I needed to vent, to process the complete circus that my life had become.

“Nessa? Nessa Stevens?” Sam wheezed between laughs. “The high school demon? Bro, where’s the hidden camera? You cannot convince me this isn’t a prank!”

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, taking a long swig of my beer. “Trust me, I wish it was a prank. I wish someone would jump out right now and tell me my family doesn’t owe four million, that I’m not being forced into marriage with the one person who made my life a living hell.” I exhaled sharply. “How can a grown-ass adult still be a bully, Sam? Don’t people outgrow that shit?”

Sam’s laughter died down as he gave me a look full of sympathy. “Damn, man… so it’s real, huh?” He took a slow sip of his beer before asking, “So… you met her already, right? How does she feel about all this? And tell me she at least apologized for all the crap she put you through in high school?”

I let out a dry, humorless chuckle. “Apologize? Nessa? Maybe in some alternate universe. She hasn’t changed a damn bit. She started off by reminding me what a ‘loser’ I was, looked at me like I was dirt under her shoe, and then—get this—she wants out of the marriage too.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Wait… seriously?”

“Yeah,” I said, leaning back. “She has a whole plan. We pretend to be madly in love, keep up the act until her dad signs over the shares she wants, then stage some dramatic fallout and get a divorce.” I took another long gulp. “Honestly? Best thing I heard all week.”

Sam whistled, shaking his head. “This is insane.”

His gaze dropped to my hand, and suddenly, his expression shifted.

“Wait. Is that a car key?” He frowned. “Bro… you started Uber again? Since when do they hand out Benzes?”

I sighed, rubbing my temples. “It’s hers. She—” I paused, already getting irritated again just thinking about it. “She went on this whole rant about how me looking the way I do would ‘ruin her reputation.’ How I ‘shouldn’t be seen in public transport’ like some commoner. Then she laughed when she saw my phone, said even dinosaurs don’t use iPhone 7s anymore, and gave me her credit card to buy the latest model.”

Sam stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then, like a light bulb went off, a slow grin spread across his face—the kind he only got when he was about to say something either really dumb or ridiculously smart.

I narrowed my eyes. “What?”

Sam took a dramatic swig of his beer, then beamed at me like he just won the lottery. “Aaron, my dear friend, you might not agree with what I’m about to say, but…” He put a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been blessed.”

I blinked. “What?”

“The Lord has finally shone his bright light upon you, and your sufferings are OVER!” He gestured wildly. “Think about it! Marshall Stevens—a freaking multi-billionaire—handpicked YOU to be his son-in-law! Bro, do you know how much money you could make just from that alone?! Just existing in his presence is a damn privilege! You could be set for LIFE!”

I gave him the blankest stare imaginable. “I think my original plan is better—go to college, graduate, get a good job, make my own money, and then marry someone I actually love.”

Sam scoffed. “Nah. Being a stay-at-home husband and living off your rich wife’s money sounds way better. Bro, you hit the jackpot. Get over yourself and embrace the blessing. All you gotta do is survive for a year, and boom! You’re rich.”

I was about to argue when my phone rang.

I sighed and pulled out the iPhone 14—a huge leap from my old phone, and one I still wasn’t used to. The number was unknown, but the voice on the other end was unmistakable.

“Hubby!”

I closed my eyes, exhaling through my nose. “Hello?”

“Hubbyyyyyyy!”

“It’s Aaron. What do you want, Nessa?”

“I’m drunk as fuck, my driver’s phone is off, and I gotta go home. Now.”

I rubbed my temples. “And how, exactly, is this my problem?”

“Wow. So you’d just let the girl you’re marrying in two weeks pass out in a club? You’re so meeeeean.”

“Maybe a girl who’s getting married in two weeks shouldn’t be getting wasted at a club in the first place,” I shot back. “Think about that for a second. Bye.”

I hung up and looked at Sam, who was already smirking at me like he knew exactly what was about to happen.

“Talk about the devil,” he mused.

I took another sip of beer.

Sam kept staring.

I sighed. “I don’t care where she passes out.”

He raised an eyebrow.

I groaned, already regretting what I was about to say. “Okay, fine. I’ll go pick her up. Not because I care, but because I actually have a heart.”

Sam grinned. “A soft one.”

I grabbed my phone and redialed her number.

“Hubbyyyy!”

I sighed. “Send me your location.”

As I stood to leave, Sam clapped me on the back. “Go save her, my dear knight in shining armor.”

I rolled my eyes and walked out to the Benz. As I slid into the driver’s seat, I stared at the steering wheel for a moment.

I barely spent an hour with Nessa, and I already felt like I was losing my mind.

And we’re supposed to do this for a year?

What kind of karma did I have to deserve this?!