To Love Or Be Loved?

Good Morning Ria! Happy birthday! I am Armie. I’m your wolf; while you’re not officially the Luna yet but the Blood Moon Goddess feels that you need me a bit earlier than that. 

I am grateful that I really need your help….Armie, do you smell that?  I didn’t really have the brain capacity to finish what I wanted to say to Armie before the smell of freshly made coffee began to dance through my nose.

Our mate is here, and we must go to him. I followed the scent of him, running circles in the back of my mind. I get to the top of the stairs, and I see him looking at me with wide eyes. No, why does his face blurry? My mate? I look around and see no other person; my heart instantly drops. Why would the Moon Goddess choose to be with an unfamiliar man as my mate?

I free my eyes from sleep, and I'm heavily sweating; I gaze upon the digital clock on my nightstand. It is two in the morning; these dreams are driving me insane. It rarely happens, but lately, it's been happening every morning. My birthday will be in twenty-six days from now. Who's Armie? Is she my wolf gifted by the Moon Goddess? But I never felt her throughout my entire existence. I wipe the grains of sweat in my forehead as my mind tries to recall the blurry face of the man I call my mate in my dream. 

I take a long heavy breath; as I stand up, I know for a fact that it is impossible to go back to sleep. I have surgery tomorrow for tissue repair to a Siberian husky dog; this sleeping habit must stop, or I can't perform as a Veterinarian Doctor. Should I travel soon? So I can shapeshift? I have no time to burn; my schedule is full for the month. I ground my teeth in frustration.

I have one big problem too, my mom's old packhouse was taken away from me by a mere human! I almost cut my lips for biting it so hard. That Axel is the orchestrator of my crucial situation. 

I grab a glass and pour some water from the pitcher on the center table inside my room. Overthinking won't help you, Ria; go back to sleep and catch some rest. I thought to myself. Today is a big day. 

I shut my eyes again, feeling my exhausted body join the deep sleep call

I get up in the morning before my alarm rings; the sun is awake at seven, giving me natural lighting. No time to slack, I stride directly to the bathroom and shower. After a couple of minutes, I'm in my white polo shirt and black jeans. Fix my hair in my regular bun; I wouldn't say I like it when the strands of my hair get in the way, covering my face. 

The surgery is at nine this morning, and I will be meeting Axel back in the old packhouse after that. I sigh at the mention of his name and remember his gorgeous face; I have to pull myself together in front of him. 

A couple of hours have passed, and I'm walking out of the operating room, and I'm playing this scene a hundred times in my head. Today is another day to tell the beloved owner of the dog who died on the operating table the bad news. 

I remove my surgical mask, the old lady standing in front of me waiting, her brown eyes full of hope, and I'm going to mash that hope right now. 

"Doctor?" Her voice was soothing; suddenly, I hated my job. 

"Mrs. Collins, I'm so sorry; Berry was a good dog; please know that he died fighting." 

I reach for her hand quickly, holding it tightly while she sobs to her heart's content. 

This is what makes me different from a human being; when Rolf told me that my mother and my entire pack were slaughtered, I didn't shed a tear, but up until today, there's a hole within me. That hole is empty and dark; I wish I could mourn and grieve, but I'm used to never feeling anything. I'm just an empty hole, waiting to disappear. 

“Thank you for doing everything you can for Berry.” Mrs. Collins is wiping her tears on each side of her pleasant face.  

I curve my lips in a slight smile then nod at her. 

“You have him for years and take care of him like he's your own child Mrs. Collins; Berry is an amazing pal; he is smiling in heaven for you.”

The older woman's eyes brighten, and a forced smile appears in her mouth. 

“You are such a darling; Berry was given to me by my late husband; I’m so heartbroken it feels like I’m losing a part of my husband again.”

The reality of losing a loved one hit me hard straight to my chest. You will never get over losing a loved one, and you just learn to live with it. When I lost my mother, I was never the same. Thinking about her makes me sad. She’s the only life in my empty heart. 

“No, Mrs. Collins, you will always hold dear the memories and laughter you shared with your late husband. He must have loved you so much.”

She bounces her head up and down, squeezing my hand, “He was my greatest love, my one and only.” She speaks highly of her husband; romance is evident in her glistening brown eyes. 

Will I ever feel the same love I see alive in Mrs. Collins? Am I worthy of love? I smirk at how pathetic my thinking is; love is made for humans. 

“You are made for love too, Ria” A small voice of a woman murmured within me. I shake my head. This has been happening consistently, and the voice is popping in my head. Should I ask Rolf if he has an idea why I am hearing another persona in my head? Will he think I’m crazy?