Lasagna After Rain

I stared hard at the full lunch tray I had in my hands. It was more overflowing than full. Still, I was super excited to eat but, then my stupid therapist and her stupid words of knowledge popped up in my head. 

'Food is not love and it definitely isn't the solution. '

Food isn't love but, it's sure damn close though. Has she ever had lasagna after a good cry? Let me tell you it's great. I should suggest it to her. Does she even cry though? She should, right? The image of Dr Marsha's face soaked with tears, eating lasagna was so weird to me, and that's saying something. 

''Are you trying to get it to explode?'' I jumped.

Zack laughed as I pursed my lips and looked at him, unamused might I add. 

''What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be trying to get into Mindy's skirt?'' I asked him, my face blank. 

''I always have lunch with you,'' he stated matter of factly with a frown as we both plopped down in our regular seats. Before I said anything Kevin and two people-one girls, one guy- appeared sitting in the available seats. 

''Kay, this is Zoa and Luke,'' Kevin said introducing them to me. 

He completely ignored Zack which was rude. I'll tell him not to do that later today.

We greeted each other, they seemed nice. As we talked I found out that Luke and Zoa are twins. They were both light-skins with the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. Their eyes were light brown but had a sparkle to them that I adored. We sat there and discussed our trip to the mall after school. By we, I meant everyone besides Zack, who brooded in silence. I knew he didn't like Kevin, but he was generally a pleasant person and wouldn't miss out on talking to people.

The lunch bell rang way too quickly. The others left, but I held Zack back because I wanted to talk to him. 

''What's your problem?'' 

''I don't have a problem,'' he said.

''Zack, come on. You can talk to me,'' I said softly.

I hated that we were fighting. I blame Mindy. Yeah, Mindy is to be blamed. Shame on you Mindy, for shame.

''There's nothing wrong. It's just that I don't trust Kevin.'' 

''Right because people don't tend to like me. You know what Zack you're being a pain right now.'' I said and left him standing there. 

I'm so tired of everyone disappointing me. I always have high hopes and they let them drop.

Zack was my best friend yet, he wasn't acting like it. Ever since high school started, he began to change. It started slowly but I noticed it. I always notice things but did he even notice anything about me? 

As much as I was the school's designated goody-two-shoes, I was in no mood to stay at school anymore. I couldn't sneak out because of the security but, I could always not go to class. Not like anyone cared anyway, I had no friends in my classes. I decided to make my way to the library and encountered Mindy on the way there. 

''What's wrong?'' she asked her eyebrows furrowed. 

Just like that, a ball formed in the back of my throat and my eyes began to sting. I shook my head and skirted around her. I needed to keep it together. I have to keep my composure. 

I went to the back of the library. It was a desolated spot that only saw people when they wanted to do something illicit on campus. I sat in the corner, the spiders and the webs they spent hours building were the least of my concerns. I hugged my knees to my chest, my therapist taught me that a self-hug could release some stress. So far, it worked yet I still wanted to disappear. 

I hated that Mindy was so sweet. I hated that Zack and I had a rocky relationship right now. I hated that people only used me to get to Zack or my brother. I hated everything and everyone, but, most importantly I had to say I hated myself. I hated myself for being so weak and fragile. I hated that I couldn't stand up for myself. Why couldn't I be confident like the cheerleaders? Why wasn't I as smart as the quiz team? Sure, I got good grades. Yes, I tried to act strong and, I was in virtually every club yet, no one noticed me. No one cared. My dad never came to any of my performances. My brother couldn't care less about my existence, Zack wouldn't even take notice of my absence since he was always skirt-chasing. The only person who would notice is my therapist and, that's because I pay her.

You truly are sad. Why must you always have a pity party for yourself?

Crying was exhausting, I thought before I fell asleep. 

........................................................................................ 

''Thanks, a lot Mrs Peters,'' a voice said.

I was lifted out of the uncomfortable position I found myself in. My head was on the person's shoulder, their arms were placed under my bent knees and around my back.

''It's no problem. She's a good kid you know,'' 

''Yeah. She is,'' Zack said quietly. 

I peeked open my heavy eyelids to see Zack's side profile. Once I knew I was safe, I closed them again. 

"What happened?''

I recognised that voice as Zoa. 

''She's not feeling well. We're going to have to raincheck on that trip, huh,'' he asked though it sounded more like a statement. 

''Yes, of course. I'll tell the others,'' she replied softly.

I felt hands brush my hair out of my face. Thank goodness it was tickling me. Soon enough I was placed in the back of Zack's car and, we were off. To where? I have no idea, maybe he was taking me home. Hopefully, we were going far away from all of my problems. 

Seems hard since you can't escape your mind.