Ch. 4: Dinner

    Ciara's point of view

I felt a growing sense of unease about my fertility checkup, so I decided to just go home without waiting for Luca to show up.

I had waited nearly an hour at the bus stop near Dr. Collins’ clinic, pero wala pa rin si Luca. His phone was turned off, too. Instead of creating a scene or showing my temper in public, I quietly booked an online motorcycle ride and left on my own.

Pagdating sa bahay, I freshened up and tried to shake off what happened. Ayaw ko nang maalala kung paano ako tinitigan ni Dr. Collins, o kung paano niya pinaalis ang underwear ko sa loob ng isang naka-lock na kwarto. From what I knew, that wasn't how a proper checkup was supposed to go. And the door definitely shouldn't have been locked. Nakakatakot talaga.

It’s true, Dr. Collins was my high school crush. Pero ngayon, alam kong may hangganan. I would never think of cheating on Luca, no matter how cold he has been to me these past few months.

Pagkatapos maligo, I hurried to the kitchen to cook dinner. It was already three o'clock, and usually, Luca would be home from work around five.

Habang nag-aayos ako ng gulay mula sa ref, my cellphone suddenly rang. When I looked at the screen, I saw my mother-in-law was calling. Napabuntong-hininga ako bago sinagot; I already guessed what she was going to ask, about the checkup, ano pa nga ba?

“Hello, Ciara. Kumusta ang consultation? Mas maayos ba si Dr. Collins kaysa sa mga nauna?” she asked immediately.

I forced a small smile kahit wala namang nakakakita. “Maayos naman po, Ma. Sabi niya okay ako, walang problema. Pero… si Luca, hindi siya nakapunta. Nagdiretso na yata sa office.”

“Ha? Bakit hindi siya sumama? Hindi ba pwedeng mag-leave man lang?” there was a hint of irritation in her voice.

“I’m not sure po. His phone was off the whole time. Siguro mas mabuti kayo nalang ang magtanong sa kanya, ma,” I answered evasively, while I continued slicing the onions.

“Ganun ba? Sige, kakausapin ko siya mamaya. Pero kailangan niyang magpacheckup din para malinaw na talaga ang problema. Kung hindi siya available ngayong linggo, mag-schedule na lang tayo ng balik kay Dr. Collins sa next Sunday para makasama siya.”

    

Parang may pumulupot naman na tinik sa dibdib ko. The thought of going back to Dr. Collins’ clinic terrified me, even if Luca would be there.

“You two really need to go back. Habang willing si Dr. Collins tumulong, libre pa ang checkup. Imagine mo na lang kung sa ibang clinic kayo magpa-program, ang laki ng gastos. Covered nga siya ng PhilHealth, pero limitado lang ‘yung services. Baka may ilang tests o procedures ka pa ring kailangan na bayaran.”

I kept quiet. Alam kong wala ring mangyayari kahit sumagot ako. My in-laws were just like my parents, laging nakapako sa iisang tanong. “Kailan ka magkakaanak?” It was as if a baby could just be bought at the market, right alongside a bundle of kangkong.

“You and Luca should really follow Dr. Collins’ advice,” Zelda said firmly over the phone, her tone leaving little room for argument.

“Yes po, ma,” I answered, pero ramdam pa rin ang pag-aalangan sa boses ko. I carefully continued slicing the vegetables while my phone was on loudspeaker, propped up on its stand.

I let out a sigh before speaking again. “Pero… ma, hindi po ba nakakapagtaka? Bakit parang sobrang generous niya? Libre lahat ng checkup, kahit follow-up? Hindi po ba unfair sa kanya? Hindi ba siya nalulugi?”

“Hindi naman,” Zelda replied, sounding almost annoyed by my question. “Dr. Collins is family. Pinsan siya ni Luca, so of course tutulungan niya kayo. Huwag mo nang isipin ‘yung gastos. Mas makakahiya kung tanggihan mo pa.”

I pressed my lips shut and closed my eyes, letting out a deep breath. This encounter was just too much for today. “Okay po, ma.”

I thought for a moment, then naglakas-loob akong itanong ang kanina pang bumabagabag sa isip ko. “By the way, si Dr. Collins po, ma, may asawa na ba siya?”

Zelda took a deep breath before answering. “Wala pa siyang asawa. Pero may girlfriend ito ngayon, sinasabi ko nga na magpakasal na, e. Parang naghihintay pa ng sakuna, bago mag-asawa.”

Parang may pumukpok naman sa dibdib ko. Just a girlfriend? So he wasn't married yet. For a second, all my high school memories came rushing back, how I once dreamed of Colton. Pero agad ko ring pinigilan ang sarili ko. No. You're married now, Ciara. Hindi na pwede.

“Bakit mo tinatanong?” Zelda suddenly asked, sounding suspicious.

“Ahhh, wala po, na-curious lang kasi,” I stammered. “Kanina po kasi parang, ang dami niyang personal na tinanong. About sa marriage, about kay Luca. Medyo, nakakailang, ma.”

Zelda clicked her tongue on the other end. “Ay, ganyan talaga siya. Straightforward. Don’t take it personally. Gusto lang niya malaman lahat para matulungan kayo.”

“Pero ma, sobra po itong direct. Parang hindi na checkup, more like interrogation,” I admitted softly, almost whispering.

“Ciara,” Zelda’s voice hardened. “Huwag kang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano. Colton is a good doctor. Maswerte nga tayo na siya mismo nag-offer na tumulong.”

    

Natahimik naman ako. I wanted to refuse, pero naisip ko rin kung gaano kalaki ang pressure sa amin ng pamilya ni Luca.

“You’ll go back there, won’t you?” Zelda pressed again.

I bit my lip. "Ma, pwede po ba na this time siguraduhin natin na kasama ko na si Luca? Ayokong maulit na mag-isa ako. Hindi ako comfortable. Lalo na kung bigla na lang siyang mag-decide pumasok sa trabaho.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Zelda promised. “I’ll ask him to take a leave. Hindi pwedeng palaging may palusot si Luca. And weekend naman pala ang next schedule, ha.”

“Salamat po talaga, ma,” I said quietly.

“Oh, one more thing,” dagdag pa ni Zelda. “This Saturday night, Colton invited us for dinner at his place. You and Luca are coming. Kami ng Papa mo sasama rin.”

Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko, halos mabitawan ko na ang kutsilyo. “Dinner sa bahay ni Dr. Collins?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, nandiyan ang girlfriend niya. Makikilala n’yo rin. Para mas comfortable ka na sa kanya, makita mong normal lang ang buhay niya,” Zelda explained.

I forced a smile. “Ah, okay po, ma. We’ll come.”

“Good. Next week, Sunday, balik kayo sa clinic niya. Wala nang excuses, ha,” Zelda said in her usual commanding tone.

“Yes, ma. I’ll prepare dinner na po before Luca gets home.”

“Alright. Ako rin, magluluto para sa Papa mo. Call me later kapag nandiyan na si Luca.”

Pagkababa ng tawag, nanatili akong tulala, hawak pa rin ang kutsilyo. Paulit-ulit kong inuusal sa isip ko, Dinner sa bahay ni Colton. I didn't know if I should be more afraid or more curious about what I would see.