Ch. 3: Examine

Ciara's point of view

“Please, have a seat.”

May inaayos pa rin ang Doctor sa table. Nang humarap siya, halos mapatigil ako sa paghinga. He stood tall, skin-toned, his sharp gaze cutting through the room. But more than his presence, it was the familiarity that struck me most.

A sharp breath escaped me when it sank in who he really was, my bag nearly slipping from my grasp. “C-Colton…?”

The corner of the doctor’s mouth lifted, as though he had been waiting for me all this time. “So you still remember me.”

“Colton… ikaw pala si Dr. Collins?” bulong ko, almost couldn't believe.

“Yes,” sagot niya agad, nakatitig lang siya ng mataman sa akin. “Colton Astor Collins. Small world, huh? You… married my cousin.”

Nanlamig ako bigla. “I thought we’d never see each other again after you left to study abroad,” I said softly.

“Fate brought us together again,” Dr. Collins murmured, opening a notebook on his desk.

Hindi naman ako makasagot, nanginginig pa rin ang kamay ko na nakahawak sa bag strap. “I… I didn’t know. Akala ko kasi ibang Collins. If I had known—”

“If you had known, would that change anything?” putol niya agad, leaning forward. “Would you still have married him? Or… would you have chosen me?”

I’m trying to avoid his gaze. “Colton, please. This is inappropriate. You’re my doctor now.”

Colton’s lips curved into a smirk, yet his eyes held nothing but coldness. “Doctor, cousin, old flame, call me whatever you want. Pero ‘wag mong sabihing wala kang nararamdaman ngayon. Kita ko sa mukha mo, Ciara. You’re nervous… because it’s me.”

I couldn’t help but study his face. “Hindi, I’m just… surprised,” mabilis kong sagot, trying hard to calm myself.

“Surprised?” He let out a soft laugh, but it was clearly bitter. “Ako rin. Surprised na ikaw pa rin ang iniisip ko after all these years… at mas surprised na kay Luca ka nauwi. Luca, of all people.”

My gaze sank, leaving me at a loss for how to stand tall or find my voice. “Mahal ko si Luca…”

“Do you?”

“Tell me, Ciara, are you happy? Does he satisfy you? Or are you just convincing yourself na tama ang pinili mo?”

“Colton…” I pleaded softly, embarrassment flooding my face. I had never been asked such a blunt question by any doctor.

Dr. Collins didn’t flinch. He stepped closer, so close I could nearly feel the warmth of his breath. “'Wag kang magsinungaling sa'kin. I can see it. You look empty. As if something’s missing.”

“Please, tama na 'yang mga tanong mo. This is just a consultation,” my words came out desperate, struggling to contain the fluttering anxiety in my chest. The questions made me increasingly uncomfortable, especially being alone with him in this room.

Colton’s lips curved into a smile, yet his eyes carried a weight and darkness that was hard to ignore. “No, Ciara. This is fate giving me another chance. At kahit asawa ka na ng pinsan ko…” saglit siyang tumigil, saka binulong, “you’ll always be the girl I should have had.”

    

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na si Colton nung high school nga ang kaharap ko ngayon, a.k.a. Dr. Colton Astor Collins, dati ko itong crush nung high school. Gwapo kasi ito, at ramdam kong may gusto rin siya sa akin. Madalas kaming magtago sa likod ng gym, kunwari nag-aaral, pero nauuwi sa paglalampungan, hawak ng kamay, stolen kisses, at mga halik na tumatagal nang lampas dapat. Doon ko unang naramdaman yung init at thrill na hindi ko makalimutan, parang ako lang ang babae sa mundo ni Colton. Pero pagkatapos ng graduation, lumipad si Colton para mag-aral abroad, kaya natigil ang lahat. May kaya kasi ang pamilya nito, hindi tulad ng kay Luca. Ako naman, kahit kaya akong pag-aralin ng mga magulang ko, pinili kong magtrabaho agad. At sa huli, nauwi rin ako sa pagpapakasal kay Luca.

“Two years?” Colton snapped his fingers in front of my face, trying to jolt me back to attention. Nakahalukipkip na ito at nakapokus ang tingin sa mga mata ko, na para bang binabasa niya ang bawat lihim sa loob ng isip ko. “Dalawang taon na kayong kasal ni Luca… at wala pa ring nangyayari?” He smirked, clearly enjoying the teasing.

Napayuko ulit ako, pinipisil-pisil ang mga kamay ko. Gawain ko ‘to kapag super kinakabahan. “Gano’n na nga po, Dr. Collins kaya nga ako nandito.”

“Strange. Kilala ko si Luca. Alam ko kung gaano siya ka-proud sa sarili niya. Pero tell me, Ciara, how is he in bed?”

Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig. "Dr. Collins…" Nagkandarapa pa ako kung ano ang gagawin, nag-iisip kung sasagot ba o tatakbo na lang palabas.

Dr. Collins stepped back and sat at his desk. Once settled, he leaned forward, elbows planted on the desk, eyes locked on me. “Don’t play innocent, Ciara. I’m your doctor now. Sagutin mo ang mga tanong ko. Kumusta siya sa kama? Does he satisfy you?”

    

Parang naging mansanas na ang kulay ng pisngi ko sa kahihiyan. “He… he’s normal. Maayos naman siya bilang asawa. Ginagawa niya ang… tungkulin niya.” Pagsisinungaling ko.

“Normal?” Nag-iba naman bigla ang tono ni Colton, sumingkit pa ang mata nito sa akin, na parang naamoy ang kasinungalingan sa sagot ko. “That’s it? After two years of marriage, normal lang ang kaya mong sabihin?”

“Dr. Collins, please... this is too personal.”

“No, Ciara. This is necessary.” Naging mas mahinahon na ang boses ni Colton, parang may halong galit at hinanakit. “Dalawang taon na, and still no child. Don’t you think something’s wrong? Or maybe…” bahagya siyang ngumiti nang mapait, “maybe you just don’t feel anything with him?”

“Hindi ‘yan totoo,” mabilis kong sagot, pero alam ko naman talaga kung ano ang totoo.

Tumango-tango naman si Colton, parang alam na ang lahat ng sagot sa kabila ng pagsisinungaling ko. “You don’t climax, do you? Hindi mo nga kayang sabihin nang diretso. Don’t lie to me, Ciara. I can see it in your eyes. Luca may be my cousin, but I know exactly what kind of man he is.”

Umangat ang tingin ko, nanginginig ang kamay, na parang hindi ko na kayang pigilan. I rubbed my brow nervously.

"Is that really related to why I haven’t gotten pregnant?”

“Just tell me. I’m the doctor trying to help you. You can open up to me. Besides examining reproductive health, I also need to understand other possible causes. If you never climax, then—well, that’s one answer.” Dr. Collins said softly, his fingers brushing my hand on the table.

    

I quickly pulled my hand away, my chest tightening. Iba ang line of questioning na ‘to, hindi tulad ng mga normal na tanong ng ibang OB. Hindi na ako parang nasa medical consultation lang, kundi parang unti-unti akong hinihila ni Dr. Collins papasok sa mas malalim na usapan. Para bang hindi lang kalusugan ko ang gustong alamin nito, kundi pati ang mga sikreto at kahinaan ko sa loob ng kama at sa pagitan namin ni Luca bilang mag-asawa. “Sorry, Dr. Collins… that’s too personal. Nahihiya lang akong sagutin,” I whispered, forcing my gaze down.

“Maybe you’re just really surprised.” He gave a small nod, isinara na nito ang notebook matapos niyang ilista ang mga napansin niya, at saka niya itinuro ang kama. “Please lie down for the physical exam.”

Nag-atubili pa ako pero tumango rin kalaunan. Kinakabahan lang ako. This is the first time too, na ang OB ko ay lalaki. Kaya parang iba 'yung nararamdaman ko. But I slowly walked to the bed and sat, pulling my skirt closer to my knees.

“Relax,” Collins said, adjusting the pillows. “Spread your legs.”

I obeyed, pero ramdam ko ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. He slipped on his gloves and stepped closer.

“Remove your underwear,” he said evenly.

My eyes widened. “W-what? Bakit kailangan, Dr. Collins?”

“Trust me. I’m your doctor. Standard procedure ito,” he replied calmly.

    

My hands trembled. “I… I’m really embarrassed…”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” His voice stayed firm, pero mas lalo akong kinabahan nang marinig kong nilock nito ang pinto.

My throat went dry. “No,” I blurted, bolting upright. “I won’t continue this examination.”

Agad naman akong bumaba ng kama at nagmamadaling pumunta sa pinto, nakalimutan ko nga ang sandals ko, e.

Collins remained motionless, eyes fixed on me as I left, his expression impossible to read.

Outside, my face was pale. “Where’s Luca… bakit hindi siya sumunod dito?” I whispered shakily as I rushed down the hall.

Lumingon ako nang bahagya bago tuluyang lumayo. Inside the office, Dr. Collins calmly picked up my forgotten sandals, slipped them into his drawer, and straightened his coat.

    “Next patient,” he called smoothly, his voice gentle again as a couple entered, parang wala lang nangyari.