Mending challenges
LILLIAN
I remember my childhood days,an average family, fighting strong could be used to define my family then. There were times when it was just too hard and my mom would cry all night,she would pray to God from mid night to morning. She was a single mom trying to save her kids from this harsh world. I was very angry while growing up,I didn't have a dad,he died when I was four years old. I let the fact that I didn't have a father border me,"things would have been better if we had one".
My mom tried her best playing dual roles,it wasn't easy taking care of three children single handedly. My younger sister always said she wanted to be like mom. I thought life was so unfair to us,at some point, I was so ungrateful. One day while coming back from church, I saw my classmate and her family being thrown out of their house,I remember how the landlord locked the door and pushed them out. My eyes met hers and she was ashamed, the moment I realized that she was ashamed, I felt guilt and then I realized that everyone had their own problem.
I got to know her more and we became friends. She made me know that everyone have their own challenges and problems, but what matters the most is how you deal with them,she taught me how to be courageous,though I'm losing all the courage I've stored in me.
I always told her to take things slowly,one at a time,patiently but being unable to have a child have disrupted me.
It was an ordinary dinner with my mother in law so I wore a little black dress,on other days,I felt angry whenever I was going to meet her but today,I feel nervous. Only the doctor and Jemima knew of my situation but it always feel as if the whole world knows.
Though I don't know why she wants us to eat outside but the restaurant was small and nice,it looks classy and I like it. She came late but I told her "it's okay" when she apologized though I was surprised she did. Her speech was calmly nice.
" I was wrong,judging you because of where you came from and sometimes, you are rude,she smiled. But I like the fact that you're smart and bold. I was so pissed because of you,I didn't like you but my son still dated you for six years,I thought you were playing with him and wasting his time but recently I realized that you weren't and if I give you a chance,a space in my heart,we can be happy. Don't hate me anymore,let's get to know each other too,I know you are surprised we are eating outside, it's how I really want to know you . She smiled,again. I want to be with you when you have your babies."
Her apology and speech was nice but I felt really bad and I felt hurt,when I got home,I thought about it, Her speech wasn't meant to make me feel sad or angry but I was,at some point even provoked. I couldn't help myself, I cried a river
HARMLESS THOUGHTS(LILLIAN:SECRET JOURNAL)WE ARE ALL FLOWERS WAITING TO BLOOM Looking at myself in the mirror, I look prettier with my chubby face,it's nice how my face became round and fat,I get a lot of compliments of how beautiful I've become. I was too afraid of losing this baby, I felt becoming pregnant and losing the pregnancy will harm my mental health but no,this baby is harmless. I have a little garden at the back of my compound, it's boring staying at home all day,so I nurture my flowers everyday with sweet talks,they are as pretty as the beautiful soul that lives in me. Mirabel records my moment with the flowers, now you may be thinking who she is right? She's my house help,she has her own family so leaves at nights,she understands my mood swings,cravings and nagging since she has been through pregnancy too. Jay's works are consoling these day
Chasing smokesLillian I've been having dreams,you know those dreams you wake up from and feel relief that it was dream. I wouldn't like to share such dreams with Mark,perhaps I don't really care about dreams but this one left me shaking, more like trembling,I'm unable to control my hands,they keep shaking,I'm still feeling startled. But the dream wasn't scary,it wasn't some beast with three heads pursuing me with a knife. It was me,running in the dark, chasing smokes,trying to see where it leads me,my bloody naked skin didn't bother me,I was running after the smoke in confusion, I could hear mark calling me but I didn't turn,I was focused, running. Jemima, my Darling would snap her finger and say "it's a bad dream" if I should tell her but I won't,I don't Want her calling everytime being worried sick about me. I don't think my husband puts his beliefs in dream, I think I know his reply
UNSETTLING DREAMS Mark wakes up,the room is dark,he feels unsettled with the atmosphere around, he hears the wailing of a child,he looks around searching for Lillian. "Sweets,Sweets" he calls but there's no response, the only sound he can hear is the sound of a crying baby. He rushes down to the sitting room,the child is naked on the sofa,crying. He looked at the child confused, "what's a child doing in our house?",he asks. It feels like he's going insane, a scenerio he couldn't understand but his emotions were mixed,happiness and sadness. He looks at the kitchen, he can see a figure standing there,vague. There's a baby in his house,he can't find his wife or Jay. The more he moves closer to the kitchen, the slower his steps begin,his curiosity about the figure in the kitchen becomes frightening, why is he afraid? He ge
A LITTLE MORE FAITHLILLIAN Jemima called,she has been calling everyday since I saw the envelope, she never fails to call,just like my husband and mom,they all think I've lost it, but,they just can't see why I'm unhappy when I'm expecting a baby, but that is not the point, I am not unhappy, I am just afraid of trusting too much and still loosing it. I've never heard Mark speak so much about faith than this period of our life Mark does all the house chores and cooking, he doesn't allow me to lift a finger,we are being so careful, especially Mark,I don't think I can face him if I lose this baby,if after all these, it doesn't stay, I'll feel so much pity towards him. I'll tell him we need a maid when he returns. "Welcome sweets" I walked to him to take his briefcase, but he doesn't want me to. My baby bump isn't even noticeable yet. I frown a little to
IT'S NOT A GOODBYELillian. I keep thinking that my baby will die but I desperately want to keep it. I called my mom,I told her about my pregnancy, she said "it will stay" . why isn't any body telling me that it might die,they keep giving me positive vibes increasing my wanting for this baby that might die. I told Mark not to tell his mom about my pregnancy for now,he agreed even though I know he will tell her later. It hasn't been long I came to this school as a woman searching for a new life but here I am today, about to tell the principal about my resignation. To think I will tell my students who once had difficult times with me and finally now that we are in good sync, I'm leaving. I sat down in front of the principal,explaining to him why I wanted to resign. He gave his ears as I said mumbling words,words that I didn't want to tell him. He looked and spoke as i
A SMALL CRACKMARK I got tired of my mom pressuring me for grand children. After she found out that Lillian couldn't have a child, she let her be. I thought it was peace at last but she started disturbing me to get a wife or divorce my wife. I couldn't bring myself to tell my wife about what my mom said,I mean,it wasn't her fault. Then Kemi came into the picture,she was the perfect bride for me according to my mom. If marrying Kemi would make my Mom stop bothering me and my wife, I decided to agree. But Lillian is a tough nut to crack,I know she wouldn't just allow me marry a woman because I wanted to end my mom's war so I played "falling for Kemi" but if only she knew that I didn't fight for our love for so long just to divert my heart to another woman later. * &nbs