The insider

CHAPTER FIVE( THE INSIDER)

    

       A young man in his mid twenties entered a nice restaurant,it was obvious that he was searching for someone as he looked at every corner of the restaurant. One young lady waved her hands and he walked towards her after smiling, showing his white teeth. He said his greetings before taking his seats.

        Sitting opposite her in a little round table,she was wearing a mini dark brown gown,she wasn't smiling yet she still looked pretty. He admired her and smiled even though he knew what her intention of inviting him to this dinner was,he still couldn't deny the facts that she was pretty.

        The young lady(his girlfriend) kept a straight face even though her boyfriend kept smiling. They didn't order food and she tried to say something "I..." But the young man(Jay) looked at her and said "you want to break up our relationship,you think I'm creepy,I say things you want to say before you say them,it frightens you." She was surprised, it's as if he heard her thoughts, he actually heard her thought though it's unknown to her. Before she left the restaurant,she looked at Jay and said "yeah, you are really creepy" stressing the "are pronunciation.

        Jay wasn't annoyed that his girlfriend broke up with him because he knew she has been planning to do it,since he can hear people's thoughts. It started when he was  fourteen years old.

       INTRODUCING THE INSIDER(JAY)

     I had a brother,he was born dumb. He was older than me by four years,he also had panic disorder. My mom and dad gave him all their attention, sometimes I felt they were like that because they were guilty, I didn't know why but I felt they did it out of guilt. I always had to walk with my brother and I felt it was unfair,he was dumb,not stupid.

        When I was fourteen, we had a practical in school,I was excited about it,it was on a Saturday and my parents were busy on that day,my dad would travel on a business trip and mom would attend a relative's wedding. My parent knew of how excited I was about the practical, but they didn't allow me attend it "stay at home with Gerald", that's what they told me. I've always had to sacrifice my time for my brother without complaining but that day I was so angry,I shouted at my parents " Gerald is dumb not stupid, sacrifice this for Gerald, sacrifice that for Gerald, everything is crazy " after saying those words,my father slapped me,the slap didn't bring hurt to me,my words brought hurt to me and turning back,I saw Gerald by the door,he was just staring  at me with an expressionless face.

               And on that day,I wasn't feeling strong,I had a running nose and headache. I was a little bit glad that I didn't attend the practical. I was lying on the couch when Gerald came with a ball,he used sign language,he told me that we should play the ball together but I told him that I wasn't feeling well that he should play without me. He agreed and went to play alone.

      Later he came and demonstrated to me that the ball flew over the gate,that he was going to get it,if my parents were around, I would have gone to get the ball but I told him to get the ball since I was weak. He agreed and left.

        Not too soon Gerald left, I heard people shouting though I was weak,I was disturbed since Gerald hasn't returned. I went outside the compound and people were pointing at me or saying words looking at my direction before one lady dragged me towards a crowd, I could hear people saying "the boy can't speak" "the boy isn't mentally stable, he could have ran instead of shouting" "this is the brother".

        And finally, inside the crowd, Gerald was on the floor,drowning in his own blood,a car rushed towards us and we rushed him to the hospital. The doctor told us he was in an unstable position, I sat close to Gerald,I felt lifeless. My mom came to the hospital, she was in pain with her son,the bus driver who caused the accident was also in hospital, his whole body trembled,he spoke to my mom on his knees,he kept begging,he said his brakes failed.

          My mom couldn't stand,she sat on the floor,her legs were too weak to carry her body. She called my dad and he said he was coming since he didn't travel to a far place.

      I kept asking Gerald to wake up,to forgive me. After an hour, Gerald woke up and that was when I heard it, the first time I heard someone's thought and it was Gerald's thought, "the fault is not yours" that was what i heard before he closed his eyes and my mom rushed to call the doctor and when he came,he said Gerald was dead and everywhere was silent. The driver cried and then,I heard his thoughts,he kept calling himself a murderer,he kept blaming himself,I walked to him and told him that the fault wasn't his, I even held his hands.

         My parents didn't say anything to me. I thought everyone would blame me. But hearing their thoughts,I realized that they too blamed themselves. Even though Gerald said the fault wasn't mine,I still blamed myself. At first it was surprising to me that I heard people's thought but now I just live with it.