94. A Letter from Howen

My Darling Hope,

You’re too clever to think this is anything other than my final words. My confession.

Asking me to stand guard whilst you rejected Ryan, you have no idea how much that meant to me. I’d have killed him for you if you had said one word. Zero hesitation. Because that's all I ever was - a rogue, a man unable to escape my past.

But because you are so much stronger, braver, wiser than me already, you didn’t do that. You handled it yourself, your way. Proud doesn’t cover how I feel when you enter a room.

That pride started from the day you were born. Yet I have been cursed never to speak to you, only watch.

So I watched everything. Believe me, Hope. Every step, every achievement I was there, right beside your perfect mother. Her spirit lives in you. The fire that made her such a magnetic presence, you can’t escape it.

You’re just born to stand out.

Unfortunately, I was too. You don’t have huge red hair and height without being noticed. Believe it or not, I was once good-looking, too. Confident. A Beta people trusted and relied on. Writing this, freshly beaten by Ryan, bones tired and aching, I can barely believe I was once that bright young man either.

Except, my darling, I made the wrong choices. I trusted the wrong people.

As a young teen, I trusted the wrong "friend" and found myself led astray, with the wrong people. I got hurt in every possible way. It left me unable to believe good men like Declan and Reu could ever really want me in their realm.

Then, as a young man, I trusted a dangerous woman. My love was twisted, used against me, and I failed my brothers again.

Finally, as a grieving widower, I tried to trust myself. And I got it wrong there, too. By setting Cal up, I know now that I was being overprotective, blind to Ryan’s faults. I never meant to break your heart.

Expecting you to conform to your mate was the worst of all my mistakes. I mean it. I would endure the others all over again rather than see your broken expression again.

Because your happiness means everything to me.

So I ask you to forgive me, Hope, if you can. I understand if you can't, for I will love you regardless. My darling, beautiful girl. I will be asking forgiveness from your mother too.

I have eternity ahead of me now. Your mother is watching you from up in the stars, just like we always said. My task now, isn’t to meddle in your life. Instead, starting right from the bottom of the heap, I am going to slowly climb out of the pit of my own failures.

But rung by rung I shall climb ever upwards. I won’t stop climbing until I sit beside her in the heavens, kiss her, and Goddess-willing, finally tell her in my own voice how much I love her.

Then together we shall continue to watch over you. Forever proud. Forever in awe.

Just as we have, since the day you were born.

I don’t think I ever told you, but in my dreams, I can talk. I have shared thousands of amazing conversations with you and your mother and loved every single minute of them.

If I could have one of those talks now, I'd tell you only one thing. Don’t squander your joy.

You have all our blessings for any decision you might ever want to make. Because I trust in you. And I know that unlike the wayward routes I took, you, my baby girl, will always make the right decision.

Cal is not a bad man. He might even be a good man. But that is irrelevant. All that matters is if you want him, and you feel he makes your world brighter…trust yourself.

Forever watching,

Your ever loving Papa