LOGINThe rest of the school year kind of flew by. I decided to break up with Jeff for good and to work on myself. I was accepted into a softball program for advanced skills in pitching. The program started two weeks after summer break began and was at LSU for three weeks. My mom wasn’t on board with me living there for three weeks, but my dad and Ms. Kyren convinced her and she reluctantly agreed. She still was not happy with me and my shenanigans that caused a brawl in Punta Cana, but we were slowly getting back to where she trusted me.
Keegan had been back to his old self. I wasn’t sure if I loved this or hated this. He was calling me “Squirt” again and texting me memes and reels as if we had never had that kiss in my living room six months ago. I enjoyed having him around again and I know Baylen did too. Ms. Kyren was having my mom stay over her house more and more and Keegan would also stay at ours. I loved how much our families loved each other. It was one thing that made me happy. Baylen would ask me every once in a while if I was over Keegan, but I didn’t really know the answer to that question. Could I ever really be over my first love? I guess in some ways I was. I didn’t get all stupid when I saw him anymore. I could have him be in the same room with me and not have butterflies the entire time. He was just Keegan. Baylen didn’t get into the training camp he wanted at LSU, but he got into one close to home. So he would commute daily for two weeks and train there. I was really proud of Bay. He and Quinn were still going strong and he was so goal oriented since he met her. It was nice to see this maturity in him. It definitely transferred into our relationship as well. He didn’t spazz out when I spoke about a boy and he didn’t seem to mind if Kee hung out with me. Baylen and Keegan decided to have a sleepover at our house so that my mom and Ms. Kyren could spend their 4 month anniversary alone. I could hear their movie playing loudly in the basement and I didn’t want to interrupt, so I made some popcorn and headed to the living room to watch my own movie. As I fiddled with the remote. I heard someone behind me. “Hey squirt, Baylen smelled popcorn and wanted to know if you could make us some? He is on the phone with Quinn for a minute so I thought I would come up and ask,” he said, pulling on the strings of his hoodie. “Yeah, give me a sec though. This remote isn’t working and I may throw it through the window here pretty soon,” I jested. He laughed and sat down next to me. He put his hand out for the remote and started to inspect it. It was so natural for us to be friends. Nothing was complicated and nothing was awkward. I watched him toy with the remote. His curls fell forward as he carefully tinkered. “Yeah kid, I think it’s just the batteries,” he suggested. “Oh there are some in the kitchen. Follow me. I’ll grab the popcorn for you to pop as well,” I said motioning towards the door. We walked into the kitchen and I gave him a bag of microwave popcorn. He placed it into the microwave. He turned the dial to two minutes and stood in front of it watching it like it was a movie. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back away from the microwave. “That’s dangerous behavior there Patts,” I joked as I continued to move him backwards away from danger. He laughed and allowed me to guide him backwards. As I was walking back I stumbled and Keegan did as well. He whipped around quickly to catch me, but I fell anyway.Baylen asked me to go shopping with him and Keegan. They needed a girl’s opinion about Christmas gifts for the women in their lives and apparently I’m the only platonic girl either of them knows.I didn’t want to help Keegan choose a gift for Jada. Coal. He can get her coal. That’s mean. I needed to recalibrate. He is Baylen’s best friend, not…Mine.Thinking about that made my stomach queasy. He would never be mine. Jada was so lucky that she got to call him her own. What I wouldn’t do to be able to say those sweet words. Keegan is my boyfriend. It gave me chills just thinking about it. “You ready squirt?” Baylen said, rubbing my back softly to get my attention.I definitely was in my Keegan stupor. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”As I grabbed my bag, Keegan walked into the front door. His blonde curls tumbling forward from his hood that he had pulled up on his head. Tan.Muscles.White teeth.Gorgeous.These were all of the things that flew through my brain in mere seconds. “Hey. Squ
The lake had been Casey’s idea.Which, honestly, should have been my first warning.Whenever Casey said, “I have an idea,” it usually meant there was about a fifty-percent chance it would be fun and a fifty-percent chance someone would end up yelling.By ten in the morning, half our friend group had taken over the shoreline.Music was blasting from a speaker sitting on top of a cooler. Someone had brought a volleyball net. Towels were scattered everywhere, bags of chips were being passed around, and Baylen and Keegan were arguing over who had forgotten the sunscreen.I stood at the edge of the water with my sunglasses pushed onto my head, watching them wrestle over a football.“You two are literally children!” I yelled.Keegan looked over his shoulder.The second he saw me, his entire face changed.There it was.That smile.The one that still made my stomach flip even though I was finally allowed to admit that I liked him.“There she is,” he called.I tried not to smile.I failed.Kee
“Babe, I know I hurt you and I’m going to try to do everything that I can to make it up to you. I was an idiot. My friendship should not have given way to shutting you out and it did. I should have pressed the issue with Baylen and made him aware that my feelings were more than a crush. They are more than a mere infatuation or school boy fantasy. They are real! And I love you more than I could ever express in words. I will show you over and over though for the rest of our lives,” Keegan pleaded. His one loose curl fell into his eyes as he begged for my acceptance. Did he just say for the rest of our lives? Keegan had no intention of letting me go and that’s all I wanted to hear. “Kee, can we go to your room and spend some time, not talking?” I asked, giving him a wink. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom. His light was dimmed and the room was dark from his blackout curtains. I sat on the side of his bed. “Brees, this isn’t what I meant by showing you my love.
The next few weeks, after I left for camp, were filled with softball and FaceTime calls to Keegan. When I went back to my dorm for the night, I would shower the dirt from the ball field off of my body and climb into my giant LSU shirt and sweatpants and cuddle up in my bed. Keegan usually called me around 8:30 pm after football practice. He was always so eager to chat and shower me with kind words. “I miss you so much. I imagine you here every day in my arms,” he would say.We hadn’t seen each other in person since I left for camp and that kiss we had was our last. We also hadn’t talked about the level of our feelings. I knew I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he was there yet. Being able to see his face and hear his voice every night made this distance so much more bearable. When I return home we will spend every moment together that we can. We were smitten with one another. Again, we just hadn’t said it. Those three words, eight letters. I keep trying to say it when we get off of t
“I asked him not to tell and he was also embarrassed about taking money from my mom. But it has helped his family a lot and he isn’t working as much,” she noted.Again, something I didn’t know. Jada was more his girlfriend, pretending, than I ever was.“Jada, I appreciate you for coming by, but I do really need to get going,” I said, giving her a side hug. “It was kind of you to do this for me and for Keegan,” I finished, heaving a giant duffel bag into the hallway.“No problem. I hope you have the best time at your training camp. Get lots of goals and stuff. Or whatever they do in softball,” she joked.As she said goodbye I thought about what she had said. I wished Keegan had trusted me enough to know I would understand. We obviously didn’t have the relationship that he and Jada had. I went outside to place my remaining bags on the curb. Everyone was already there to see me off: My dad, Alison, Casey, Cyman, Quinn, Ms. Kyren and the twins. I didn't see Keegan. I gave out hugs and ki
The day finally came for me to say goodbye to my family and friends for three weeks. I was really going to miss their faces every day. I had five suitcases packed, a duffel bag, my backpack and my softball bat bag. The bus would be here to grab me in an hour. Baylen said they were not going to let me take all of these bags, but mom said she would drop off whatever I couldn’t bring on the bus. They rented us a charter bus. I packed my headphones and planned to watch a movie on the way. It was less than a two hour drive but we had four more girls to grab from the airport. Baylen was helping me carry my bags when he stopped in my doorway. He turned and his face grew somber. “Brees, I have to tell you something. I’m not supposed to say a word, but I saw how heartbroken you were the other night and I can’t keep watching my baby sis be sad,” he said. I was unsure of how my demeanor should be at the moment. I felt a wave of sickness come over me. I knew what he was going to say and it w







