FAZER LOGINCasey was going to freak out when she heard that I had my first kiss at homecoming. Casey… Where was Casey? I hadn’t seen her and Cyman on the dance floor at all. I looked around for her damning, red dress, but I didn’t see her. Where in the world could she be?
“Jeff…,” I hesitated, “do you mind if we look for Casey and Cyman?” I asked, looking around to see if I saw them. “Of course we can,” he said, leading me by my hand to the hallway. There was a Photo Booth set up out there and a snack table and chairs. I didn’t see them at all. My heart was starting to race and I gave way to a bit of panic. They can’t be far, I thought. But there also wasn’t really anywhere else they could be. Every door was chaperoned and secured. I took out my phone and tried calling her. She didn’t answer, which is odd because we have one another on emergency bypass, so our phones ring no matter what. “Can you call Cyman?” I asked, trying to disguise the fear in my voice. Jeff didn’t even hesitate. He took out his phone and called Cyman immediately. After a few seconds I heard someone on the other end. It was too muffled to make out any words however. Jeff nodded and said a few mmm-hmmms and then hung up. He smiled and rubbed both of my crossed arms gently in an up and down motion. I looked at him with my eyes as wide as they have ever been before. “They are making out in the limo,” he said, chuckling. “What?” I asked, “what do you mean by making out? Casey has barely even kissed anyone before. I don’t think she is making out,” I said, disagreeing with the nonsense I thought I was hearing. “Babe, it’s fine. Cyman is a good guy. He isn't going to ask her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. That goes for us as well,” he said, pressing his forehead on mine and swaying me back and forth. I nodded, even though I was very uncomfortable with the idea of her being out there alone with him, but she did make this decision for herself. I kept taking glances at the door. Jeff kissed my cheek and we went back to the table. Baylen was there with Audrey. They were eating some of the cute little raspberry-filled cupcakes from the snack table. “Breesy, these are the bomb,” Baylen said, handing me a cupcake. I refused and he shrugged and started to scarf it down. I knew I didn’t seem like myself so I tried to distract everyone by saying we should take pics in the Photo Booth. This must have been a great idea because Audrey jumped up and put her shoes back on. She clapped her hands together, like a little kid does when they get good news. Baylen agreed and finished his cupcake. He wiped the crumbs from his suit jacket as good as he could and we headed out to the hallway. Baylen and Audrey were the first to go in. They did the most adorable poses. He even kissed her in one. The machine printed out three copies. “I’ll give Keegan a copy,” Baylen said, swiping two and handing one to Audrey. It was our turn now. We went inside of the small booth. Jeff pulled me onto his lap. Our cheeks were touching. Our first pose we did a kissy face. I held up a peace sign, which felt awkward at the time, but turned out to be a good choice. The second one we did super serious, model faces. Jeff put his thumb and pointer finger to his chin in an letter L and I touched my cheek with one finger. And for the third one I turned to do a silly face at Jeff and as the camera counted down, he pulled me closer and kissed me. I was mortified. My brother is probably going to see that. He will be so upset. I pushed him away and I jumped out of the booth as fast as I could. Baylen had Audrey around the waist and was whispering something in her ear. She was giggling as if he were doing an entire stand up comedy show. Good lord girl, dial it back. I grabbed the three print outs and handed them all to Jeff to put into his pocket. I didn’t need anyone seeing me kissing in a photo. He gave me a puppy dog look as if to ask if everything was okay. I nodded at him and kissed his cheek softly. I grabbed his hand and walked with him back into the cafeteria. We danced and socialized for another hour and then headed back to the limo. I saw Casey and Cyman standing outside of the limo laughing and taking selfies together. She glanced over at me and gave me a super big, cheesy, kind of forced grin. She seemed super excited, so I didn’t say anything about her alleged make out session. Once everyone was in the limo we took off. We headed around town to drop everyone off. Audrey was our first stop. She kissed Baylen outside of the limo and he walked her to the door. I noticed she dropped her picture from the Photo Booth and went to give it to her. I stopped in my tracks however. There were two copies. I thought she only had one. Baylen must have let her keep Keegan’s copy after all. I handed them to him as he got back into the limo. He put them into his pocket and laid back in the seat with his legs sprawled out in the seat that used to be Audrey’s. I wouldn’t bother him right now by asking why he gave her Keegan’s copy. He looked like he had a great time and I would just let that be his narrative. The limo pulled up to our house next. Baylen jumped out first. Jeff grabbed my hand and asked if he could walk me to my door. I knew that meant he wanted to kiss me to end the night and I was not about to have that, so I declined. I told him I was really tired and just wanted to go lie down. He kissed my hand instead. It was a slow and lingering kiss. I could feel the warmth of his wet lips on the back of my hand. How was this even giving me butterflies? He had such a great effect on me. This night was so magical. Jeff may be the guy to make me forget about Keegan after all.Baylen asked me to go shopping with him and Keegan. They needed a girl’s opinion about Christmas gifts for the women in their lives and apparently I’m the only platonic girl either of them knows.I didn’t want to help Keegan choose a gift for Jada. Coal. He can get her coal. That’s mean. I needed to recalibrate. He is Baylen’s best friend, not…Mine.Thinking about that made my stomach queasy. He would never be mine. Jada was so lucky that she got to call him her own. What I wouldn’t do to be able to say those sweet words. Keegan is my boyfriend. It gave me chills just thinking about it. “You ready squirt?” Baylen said, rubbing my back softly to get my attention.I definitely was in my Keegan stupor. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”As I grabbed my bag, Keegan walked into the front door. His blonde curls tumbling forward from his hood that he had pulled up on his head. Tan.Muscles.White teeth.Gorgeous.These were all of the things that flew through my brain in mere seconds. “Hey. Squ
The lake had been Casey’s idea.Which, honestly, should have been my first warning.Whenever Casey said, “I have an idea,” it usually meant there was about a fifty-percent chance it would be fun and a fifty-percent chance someone would end up yelling.By ten in the morning, half our friend group had taken over the shoreline.Music was blasting from a speaker sitting on top of a cooler. Someone had brought a volleyball net. Towels were scattered everywhere, bags of chips were being passed around, and Baylen and Keegan were arguing over who had forgotten the sunscreen.I stood at the edge of the water with my sunglasses pushed onto my head, watching them wrestle over a football.“You two are literally children!” I yelled.Keegan looked over his shoulder.The second he saw me, his entire face changed.There it was.That smile.The one that still made my stomach flip even though I was finally allowed to admit that I liked him.“There she is,” he called.I tried not to smile.I failed.Kee
“Babe, I know I hurt you and I’m going to try to do everything that I can to make it up to you. I was an idiot. My friendship should not have given way to shutting you out and it did. I should have pressed the issue with Baylen and made him aware that my feelings were more than a crush. They are more than a mere infatuation or school boy fantasy. They are real! And I love you more than I could ever express in words. I will show you over and over though for the rest of our lives,” Keegan pleaded. His one loose curl fell into his eyes as he begged for my acceptance. Did he just say for the rest of our lives? Keegan had no intention of letting me go and that’s all I wanted to hear. “Kee, can we go to your room and spend some time, not talking?” I asked, giving him a wink. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom. His light was dimmed and the room was dark from his blackout curtains. I sat on the side of his bed. “Brees, this isn’t what I meant by showing you my love.
The next few weeks, after I left for camp, were filled with softball and FaceTime calls to Keegan. When I went back to my dorm for the night, I would shower the dirt from the ball field off of my body and climb into my giant LSU shirt and sweatpants and cuddle up in my bed. Keegan usually called me around 8:30 pm after football practice. He was always so eager to chat and shower me with kind words. “I miss you so much. I imagine you here every day in my arms,” he would say.We hadn’t seen each other in person since I left for camp and that kiss we had was our last. We also hadn’t talked about the level of our feelings. I knew I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he was there yet. Being able to see his face and hear his voice every night made this distance so much more bearable. When I return home we will spend every moment together that we can. We were smitten with one another. Again, we just hadn’t said it. Those three words, eight letters. I keep trying to say it when we get off of t
“I asked him not to tell and he was also embarrassed about taking money from my mom. But it has helped his family a lot and he isn’t working as much,” she noted.Again, something I didn’t know. Jada was more his girlfriend, pretending, than I ever was.“Jada, I appreciate you for coming by, but I do really need to get going,” I said, giving her a side hug. “It was kind of you to do this for me and for Keegan,” I finished, heaving a giant duffel bag into the hallway.“No problem. I hope you have the best time at your training camp. Get lots of goals and stuff. Or whatever they do in softball,” she joked.As she said goodbye I thought about what she had said. I wished Keegan had trusted me enough to know I would understand. We obviously didn’t have the relationship that he and Jada had. I went outside to place my remaining bags on the curb. Everyone was already there to see me off: My dad, Alison, Casey, Cyman, Quinn, Ms. Kyren and the twins. I didn't see Keegan. I gave out hugs and ki
The day finally came for me to say goodbye to my family and friends for three weeks. I was really going to miss their faces every day. I had five suitcases packed, a duffel bag, my backpack and my softball bat bag. The bus would be here to grab me in an hour. Baylen said they were not going to let me take all of these bags, but mom said she would drop off whatever I couldn’t bring on the bus. They rented us a charter bus. I packed my headphones and planned to watch a movie on the way. It was less than a two hour drive but we had four more girls to grab from the airport. Baylen was helping me carry my bags when he stopped in my doorway. He turned and his face grew somber. “Brees, I have to tell you something. I’m not supposed to say a word, but I saw how heartbroken you were the other night and I can’t keep watching my baby sis be sad,” he said. I was unsure of how my demeanor should be at the moment. I felt a wave of sickness come over me. I knew what he was going to say and it w







