FAZER LOGIN“So wait, he ran over and helped you and then he stared at you when you were leaving?” Casey asked as she pulled on a super cute pair of ripped jeans.
“Yes, but please don’t do that thing you do where you try to make up some chemical romance between us that doesn’t exist,” I quipped. I held my breath because I knew she was about to do exactly that. “James, you really gotta stop selling yourself short. You are stupid hot and guys notice. Jeff in my Spanish class said he saw you play softball this summer and you are super yums,” Casey boasted. Casey has called me James ever since I told her that I had my grandpa’s name as my middle name. She used to call me the girl with the manly middle name, but she has really come a long way in her friendly-bullying phase. “Case, Jeff fingered that girl Coda in the treehouse last May. Then he told everyone about it. No thank you!” I yelled over the dressing room wall. The shirts I was trying were too tight. I knew my body had developed a lot more over the last year but I was really filling the tops out. It made me uncomfortable. “Mom I need mediums I think,” I snarfed, as I looked at my cleavage bellowing out of the top of my blue shirt. “He is hot though,” Casey continued with her Jeff campaign. “No thanks Case. He is definitely super attractive, I’ll give him that. But I’ll get myself my own homecoming date this year. Just you wait,” I said confidently, pulling on a medium top that fit so well. “This is it mom. It’s perfect.” We purchased the clothing with my mom and then continued to walk around the mall. We got pretzels and slushies as we strolled along. Casey got the cinnamon pretzels. They smelled amazing. I stole a few as we continued our journey. I stopped in front of the dress store and was caught ogling a beautiful teal dress. “It’s too short,” my mom said, snapping me out of my love affair with the dress. “Ms. Hamlin, all the girls wear dresses this short. James will just need some shorts under is all,” Casey stated, almost reassuring my mom that this was ok. For whatever reason Casey had that effect on people. She would do the same to our teachers and it worked. She was some sort of adult whisperer. “Fine. You can try it on if you would like Brees,” mom caved. “No that’s ok. I don’t even have a date yet and we still have 5 weeks before the dance,” I reassured her. I watched my mom’s shoulders relax as if I had just saved her life at that very moment and it made me smile. I hugged her shoulders and told her that we should head home. As we drove, I thought about all of the things that had happened that day. Keegan had a girlfriend, my body is definitely different, Casey is still a genius and my mom doesn’t want me to grow up yet. It may not seem like a lot, but for the life of a 15 year old, that was a doozy of a day. I don’t think I could handle anything else today. We went home and listened to my mom’s 2000’s playlist on the way. We sang and laughed and talked about cute boys on the way. We neared my driveway and I could see someone with long, dark blonde hair sitting on the hood of Baylen’s car. Who is that?Baylen asked me to go shopping with him and Keegan. They needed a girl’s opinion about Christmas gifts for the women in their lives and apparently I’m the only platonic girl either of them knows.I didn’t want to help Keegan choose a gift for Jada. Coal. He can get her coal. That’s mean. I needed to recalibrate. He is Baylen’s best friend, not…Mine.Thinking about that made my stomach queasy. He would never be mine. Jada was so lucky that she got to call him her own. What I wouldn’t do to be able to say those sweet words. Keegan is my boyfriend. It gave me chills just thinking about it. “You ready squirt?” Baylen said, rubbing my back softly to get my attention.I definitely was in my Keegan stupor. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”As I grabbed my bag, Keegan walked into the front door. His blonde curls tumbling forward from his hood that he had pulled up on his head. Tan.Muscles.White teeth.Gorgeous.These were all of the things that flew through my brain in mere seconds. “Hey. Squ
The lake had been Casey’s idea.Which, honestly, should have been my first warning.Whenever Casey said, “I have an idea,” it usually meant there was about a fifty-percent chance it would be fun and a fifty-percent chance someone would end up yelling.By ten in the morning, half our friend group had taken over the shoreline.Music was blasting from a speaker sitting on top of a cooler. Someone had brought a volleyball net. Towels were scattered everywhere, bags of chips were being passed around, and Baylen and Keegan were arguing over who had forgotten the sunscreen.I stood at the edge of the water with my sunglasses pushed onto my head, watching them wrestle over a football.“You two are literally children!” I yelled.Keegan looked over his shoulder.The second he saw me, his entire face changed.There it was.That smile.The one that still made my stomach flip even though I was finally allowed to admit that I liked him.“There she is,” he called.I tried not to smile.I failed.Kee
“Babe, I know I hurt you and I’m going to try to do everything that I can to make it up to you. I was an idiot. My friendship should not have given way to shutting you out and it did. I should have pressed the issue with Baylen and made him aware that my feelings were more than a crush. They are more than a mere infatuation or school boy fantasy. They are real! And I love you more than I could ever express in words. I will show you over and over though for the rest of our lives,” Keegan pleaded. His one loose curl fell into his eyes as he begged for my acceptance. Did he just say for the rest of our lives? Keegan had no intention of letting me go and that’s all I wanted to hear. “Kee, can we go to your room and spend some time, not talking?” I asked, giving him a wink. I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom. His light was dimmed and the room was dark from his blackout curtains. I sat on the side of his bed. “Brees, this isn’t what I meant by showing you my love.
The next few weeks, after I left for camp, were filled with softball and FaceTime calls to Keegan. When I went back to my dorm for the night, I would shower the dirt from the ball field off of my body and climb into my giant LSU shirt and sweatpants and cuddle up in my bed. Keegan usually called me around 8:30 pm after football practice. He was always so eager to chat and shower me with kind words. “I miss you so much. I imagine you here every day in my arms,” he would say.We hadn’t seen each other in person since I left for camp and that kiss we had was our last. We also hadn’t talked about the level of our feelings. I knew I loved him, but I wasn’t sure if he was there yet. Being able to see his face and hear his voice every night made this distance so much more bearable. When I return home we will spend every moment together that we can. We were smitten with one another. Again, we just hadn’t said it. Those three words, eight letters. I keep trying to say it when we get off of t
“I asked him not to tell and he was also embarrassed about taking money from my mom. But it has helped his family a lot and he isn’t working as much,” she noted.Again, something I didn’t know. Jada was more his girlfriend, pretending, than I ever was.“Jada, I appreciate you for coming by, but I do really need to get going,” I said, giving her a side hug. “It was kind of you to do this for me and for Keegan,” I finished, heaving a giant duffel bag into the hallway.“No problem. I hope you have the best time at your training camp. Get lots of goals and stuff. Or whatever they do in softball,” she joked.As she said goodbye I thought about what she had said. I wished Keegan had trusted me enough to know I would understand. We obviously didn’t have the relationship that he and Jada had. I went outside to place my remaining bags on the curb. Everyone was already there to see me off: My dad, Alison, Casey, Cyman, Quinn, Ms. Kyren and the twins. I didn't see Keegan. I gave out hugs and ki
The day finally came for me to say goodbye to my family and friends for three weeks. I was really going to miss their faces every day. I had five suitcases packed, a duffel bag, my backpack and my softball bat bag. The bus would be here to grab me in an hour. Baylen said they were not going to let me take all of these bags, but mom said she would drop off whatever I couldn’t bring on the bus. They rented us a charter bus. I packed my headphones and planned to watch a movie on the way. It was less than a two hour drive but we had four more girls to grab from the airport. Baylen was helping me carry my bags when he stopped in my doorway. He turned and his face grew somber. “Brees, I have to tell you something. I’m not supposed to say a word, but I saw how heartbroken you were the other night and I can’t keep watching my baby sis be sad,” he said. I was unsure of how my demeanor should be at the moment. I felt a wave of sickness come over me. I knew what he was going to say and it w







