Chapter 35

“Yeah, you’re right, Jag is here from Texas. I would love to see her cheering on the Saints in some black and gold,” I joked, trying my hardest to disguise my breaking heart.

“Oh that will be fun. I haven’t gotten to know Jagger. I’ll grab her a shirt! Small like you Brees?” Allison asked.

I nodded and the conversation turned to Baylen and Keegan and their freshmen year. My mind started to swirl. He said that he loved me. Was this not what he really meant? Wasn’t last night special to him as well? Unless… Oh my god, he used me! He told me the other day that he didn’t love me and that he was with Isadora. I let my own love for him blind me to what was really going on. He took my virginity because he could. Not because he loved me.

I watched him start handing out more gifts. He wouldn’t even look me in the eye. What had changed? The chatter and giggles from our family were drowned out by my thoughts. I kept hearing him say, “I love you,” over and over in my head. It hurt my heart even more today.

“Brees? Breesy girl? Are you ok?” I heard my mom asking.

The room was spinning. Colors began to swirl around the room and the floor didn’t seem real. I fell to my knees. My chest was aching. What was happening to me? Alison sat with me on the floor and helped me breathe.

“Listen to me baby girl. Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth,” she said, rubbing my back.

I followed her commands. My heart slowed down and I was able to breathe normally again. My tears were sitting like runners at the start of a marathon waiting to take off. I looked around the room and all eyes were on me.

“B, you were having an anxiety attack babe,” my dad said, kneeling beside me. “Why don’t you come lie down on the couch.”

I didn’t want to lie down on the couch. I needed to talk to Casey, but she was with family. I had to get away from Keegan. I had to go somewhere, but I had nowhere to go.

“I’m fine. I’ll go lie down in my room, if that’s ok?” I asked.

Quinn must have walked in during all of the drama because she rushed over to help me walk up the stairs. When we got to my room, she closed the door.

“What happened, Brees?” Quinn asked, sitting at the foot of my bed.

“Nothing!” I said, placing a pillow over my face.

She didn’t believe me even a little bit. Grabbing the pillow she crawled in the bed next to me.

“Brees, come on now. I’m going to be your sister one way or another. So you might as well start talking to me about the hard stuff now?” Quinn said.

I mean, she was right. If our parents got married she would be my stepsister and if she and Baylen got married she would be my sister-in-law.

“Quinn, it’s Keegan,” I started. “He told me last night that he still loves me. But today he is acting like we are just friends and that I should keep dating Jagger and Jeff. It’s literally breaking my heart,” I cried.

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry he roped you back in with his mess. At least you can cut your losses now and really move on,” Quinn offered.

I stared solemnly into her eyes. I shook my head and started to cry harder.

“Did he kiss you Brees?” she asked.

I nodded and continued weeping.

“Brees, why is this hurting you so badly? You haven’t been together in months. Unless… Did you guys…” she insinuated.

I looked away. She pulled my face back to meet hers and my tears started to pour profusely down my face and chin as I looked at her and nodded again. She hugged me and told me it was going to be alright. I don’t know that I believed her, but I wanted to.

“Quinn, I can’t be around him. Knowing what we did and how he lied to me. I just can’t,” I said, wiping tears from my face.

“Were you guys safe?” she asked.

This time I didn’t nod.

“Brees! You have to be safe. Every single time. He should have at least had something,” she scolded.

“It’s not like we planned it. He came to my room last night and gave me a gift. Then he kissed me. It all happened quickly and my head was not in the right place,” I said, defensively.

“We have Christmas dinner tonight, but I’ll stay by your side as much as I can, so you can avoid him,” she reassured me.