Chapter Four

When they returned home it was dark. They’d had a hefty breakfast, which Sebastian supposed was actually lunch, and made their way to the theater. Sebastian asked Jaxsen what he wanted to see and lifted him into his arms so the boy could view his options without the vicissitudes of bodies in his range of vision. Jaxsen smiled brilliantly, giggling slightly as he was lifted into the air. He picked a movie with much excitement until he noticed the movie didn’t start for another couple of hours.

Sebastian noticed his sudden change in demeanor and inquired to the sudden mood shift. 

“Well, how about this,” Sebastian said as they moved up one in line. “How about we get the tickets now and come back when it’s time?” 

Jaxsen shrugged, sullen. “What do we do until then?”

Sebastian, still carrying the boy on his hip, slowly rocked back and forth. Jaxsen rested his head on his shoulder and played with the short strands of the hair on the back of his neck. He could feel tiny fingers tickling his skin and smiled to himself. He was learning the child’s moods and consequently learning how to bring him out of his sour ones. 

“Well, I know of a park we could go kill some time at. We can swing and climb the monkey bars and slide down the really tall spin-y slide. Whatcha say? Wanna play a bit before the movie?”

Jaxsen smiled again but did not lift his head from his perch. “That sounds like fun.” He spoke quietly, but there was a smile in his voice. They stood in line a few more minutes, Sebastian ever rocking back and forth, slow and gentle and calming. 

They played at the park for not quite two hours before returning to the theater. They ran and chased and played. Sebastian swore he’d never seen the boy that relaxed. After the movie they stopped at a local 5 Guys Burger and Fries and shared a big order of fries between them with their meal, enjoying easy going and light conversation, before stopping for the promised ice cream. When they finally arrived home Jaxsen was sound asleep. Sebastian lifted him from his seat and carried him inside. 

He dropped the keys into the blue porcelain bowl that sat atop an end table by the front door before carrying Jaxsen to his bedroom. He turned on the bedside lamp and laid the boy down to take off his shoes. Slowly as to not wake him, Sebastian indolently took off one shoe and then the other. He repeated the process with Jaxsen’s jeans and shirt. He removed the clothing in short order and retrieved Jaxsen’s favorite sleeping clothes. As he turned to put the clothes onto the boy something caught his eye. He looked closer. Scarring. All over his legs of varying shapes and sizes marred his youthful skin. He dragged his eyes upward toward Jaxsen’s torso. Anger interposed itself within him; amalgamating with his blood stream, he felt it in every part of him.

All over Jaxsen’s chest, stomach, and upper arms were a multitude of scars. Many of which he could identify the causes. Circular ones, cigarettes and cigars, judging by the sizes. Straight marks--lines caused by a straight blade. They crossed over one another in plaid-like patterns. Anger, unadulterated fury rushed through his veins as the puzzle completed itself. He’d noticed the signs. The way Jaxsen would flinch away, how worried he became when Sebastian was angry. The fact that he was too afraid to speak when he first arrived. Sebastian had been told that he had been selectively mute for some time before his arrival in Indiana. The comment about ‘no one else having reasons’…

He’d hoped that things hadn’t been as bad for the boy as it had seemed; he’d hoped. Now as the undeniable evidence stared at him, it laughed at his naiveté. He dragged his eyes up towards Jaxsen’s face. Still, he slept almost peacefully.

The anger gave way to a desolate sadness that threatened to destroy his resolve to stay calm. Quickly and with shaking hands, Sebastian put the boy’s pajamas on him and pulled the covers up around him. Gently he swiped a stray lock of hair from Jaxsen’s face and dropped a light kiss to his forehead.

“Sleep sweet, sweet boy,” he whispered before making his way toward his own bed.

For Sebastian, sleep was elusive. All his mind would see were the scars all over Jaxsen’s body. As he imagined them his mind became cruel, coming up with scenarios that may have led to such marks. All night his mind ran from image to image of what might have been done to his son. He stopped short. When did he start to think of him as his? He wasn’t sure. He knew this was not the first time he’d called Jaxsen ‘his’…at least in his own head. 

He took a moment to consider this line of thought. He lightly smiled. There was no doubt in his mind that that little boy down the hall had Sebastian Green wrapped around his little finger. He smiled a bit more at the thought before sleep finally claimed him.

The next morning came early for Sebastian as he woke from a fitful slumber. It’s not too often anymore he had nightmares of that fateful day in the park those years ago, but his mind was a minefield of past horrors, centering around his son and the circumstances that brought about his tragic death. Yet something wasn’t quite the same as the dreams that had been haunting him for the past several years. Instead of it being his Danny lying there in a broken and bloody heap, it was Jaxsen looking back at him. 

With a steaming pot of coffee brewing and a full, fresh cup sitting in front of him, he stared at the small, white, rectangular card the Social Services woman gave him before making her hasty exit. He took several deep breaths and dialed the provided phone number. It rang three times before a female voice carried across the wire.

“This is Sebastian Green, I have guardianship of Jaxsen Michaels.”

“Yes, I remember you, Mr. Green. What can I do for you today? Are you having…trouble…with the child?” She seemed nervous with her questions. 

“What? No!” Sebastian couldn’t help the contempt in his voice. “What I want to know is why he flinches every time I reach for him. What I want to know is why my best friend’s son has scars all over his body. What I want to know is what the hell happened to him.” The anger had returned to his blood in full, boiling force. There was a pause on the other end before she spoke again. 

“Mr. Green I cannot tell you who is resp-”

Sebastian interrupted, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “I’m not interested in who. I…can’t be. I want to know what was done to the boy. These are not normal childhood scars. How severely was he abused?” The question made his sick to even consider. Again there was a pause. “Look,” he began in a calmer tone, “I want to help him. He’s the son of my best friend. I can’t help him if I’ve no idea what I’m dealing with. Please. Keep names out, I don’t care, but…what happened to him?”

The woman sighed on the other end. “I only know about what happened at the last placement. Nothing beyond that was reported. A neighbor called the police after another foster child in their custody flagged her down and told her that the boys were being abused. Jaxsen was one of three children placed there. His injuries were the worst. He was beaten. Burned with cigarettes and cigars. Cut. At night he was tied down to the bed. He would go days without food or water and they would lock him in a small closet for hours. That is all that was reported, Mr. Green. I wouldn’t be surprised if more happened, but, honestly, that’s all I know.”

“Jesus,” he managed. “What happened to them?”

“They are no longer permitted to foster and jail time.” She spoke as if it weren’t enough. Sebastian agreed.

“That’s all that was reported?” He heard the shuffling of papers on the other end as she rechecked Jaxsen’s file. 

“It says here he wasn’t allowed to speak…did I mention that?”

“No. No, you didn’t.” That would explain a lot he thought to himself. He sighed. “Thank you, Ma’am, for your help. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, Mr. Green. Is there anything else that I can help you with?”

“There is one more thing. How long was he there?” More rustling of papers. 

“Eighteen months. It was his longest placement. He was in a group home three weeks before I brought him to you. That’s really all the information I have, Mr. Green.”

He thanked her again before hanging up the phone. He sat there for several minutes attempting to bring himself and his emotions back under control before Jaxsen woke up. A multitudinous amount of time passed before he slowly rose to his feet to begin preparing breakfast. He set a pan on the counter and turned toward the fridge to grab some eggs for scrambling. He turned abruptly at the small gasp that sounded behind him. He realized his vital mistake when he followed Jaxsen’s line of vision. There was the white, rectangular business card set in complete contract to the dark cherry wood stained kitchen table. 

Those empyrean eyes dragged themselves to meet his gaze. Within those cerulean depths Sebastian read multitudes of despair and betrayal. 

“Please don’t send me back, Bastian. I’m sorry if I was bad. I’ll do better, I promise.” Two fat tears fell from his eyes and rolled unnoticed down his pale cheeks. “I’m sorry, Bastian, I’m sorry. Please don’t make me go. We don’t have to go to the park anymore like that lady said not to go. I’ll do anything. I’m sorry if I’m not what you wanted, I’ll do better. I’ll do better, Bastian, I promise. I promise, just don’t make me go away. Please.”

The last word was punctuated by a vexatious sob that nearly brought tears to Sebastian’s eyes. The eggs and breakfast forgotten, Sebastian took a few steps and lifted the timorous child into his arms. Jaxsen wrapped his arms and legs around him in a hold that left no room for interpretation.

They stood in the kitchen holding onto one another. Sebastian held Jaxsen close, as he slowly rocked from side to side until the sobs and the tears quieted and slowed. Jaxsen lay his head on Sebastian’s chest, allowing the rhythmic beat to calm him, his thumb securely in his mouth. He’d seen the boy do this on occasion when his stress levels were too high. 

Sebastian sank down into the chair he’d earlier vacated, his hand rubbing up and down the small, quivering back. Sebastian became aware of Jaxsen speaking. He listened closely.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry…” Over and over again he repeated this mantra, not bothering to pause between words or many breaths.