3-Hopefully never

The end of the wedding was finally here. 

No matter how reluctant, Maya had no choice but to enter the car with Jason.

The car had only so much space. Sitting on the shotgun, Maya pressed herself on the window to put distance between her and her murderer. But even so, the compressed room didn’t help her with the sick feeling in her stomach every time the notion of being so close with Jason kicked in.

Sick. That was all she felt.

She kept sliding down, and soon leaned against the window, half lying down, looking weak.

She was physically weak. She could tell. 

She wanted to get away from Jason, but her brain was on a strike due to the pounding pain in her temples. 

That made her feel even more powerless.

The powerless feeling created frustration in her chest, but she had no energy to deal with it.

Suffering alone in silence was not at all Maya's style. If it was the old her, she would be on Jason already, asking for hugs and comfort when she was not feeling well.

But that was the old her. The one who could rely on Jason died, at his own hands.

Jason probably also noticed that something was wrong with her, and while driving, he tried to tease her: "Today was really exciting, wsn't it?"

Today?

Ohh yes. To her! From her confronting him with evidence of his crime, to their first ever arguments, to her death and then her reincarnation to her wedding day! Yes, she would say it was an exciting day.

But he meant them registering at the city hall before a party that she no longer enjoy.

The old Maya would burst in excitement for such a day. But not her. Not the new Maya. 

What was she thinking last time? Probably something about bonding with her true love, forming a family, and spend the rest of their life together, that sort of stuff. They all mixed into a lump called happiness in her memory now, like a lifeless amber.

Well, she did spend the rest of HER life for that. Only she didn’t expect the lifespan for such happiness was short as 4 years.

Four years…

How could Jason turn into a complete stranger after only four, short years? What went wrong? Is time really such a powerful thing? Or maybe…Jason had never changed, and the Jason who left her to die was the true Jason from the start?

A chill ran down Maya’s spine.

The sudden realization woke Maya, and she tried to focus with her pounding head to remember–

What was her life like four years ago?

She had a career ahead as a lawyer. Though having bumps in the road, it was a respected job with a decent salary. And what did she get exchanging her career for caring for her family for four years? A brutal death, caused by her own husband. It was murder, even from the law’s perspective.

How ironic.

And now she had to pretend to be the Maya before all that happened. She had to pretend to be happy and lively, positive and willing to sacrifice her career for her family. She had to pretend to be the Maya who would eat dirt for her husband and her daughter…

Never before had Maya realized how much SHE had changed, too.

So what on earth happened to them?!

Drowning in the overwhelming memory, Maya watched outside the window with unfocused eyes, her face pale. But that didn’t stop Jason’s nonstop chirping–

“It has been a long day, and we have to get up early tomorrow morning for our honeymoon. I told you it’s not worth it to get such an early flight for a discount. Regret it now?” 

This was Jason – always talking in a happy tone. He was the kind of person that could always keep the conversation going. He could make you feel special and noticed, if he wants to.

Honeymoon!

That word sent a chill down Maya’s spine. She shuddered, her back tensed up.

How could she possibly go on a honeymoon again with Jason when she felt so sick she wanted to throw up just sitting in the same car with Jason?!

Nope! Impossible! Ridiculous! She gripped her own shoulder so tight her nails buried under her skin just to stop herself from shouting “no way!” out loud.

She pressed against the seat, repeating to herself that she need to bide her time instead of confronting Jason right now with nothing but her “memory”. She needed a good excuse to get some distance from her newly wedded husband.

But how?

“Honeymoon…” Maya struggled, unaware of her mumbling.

Jason mistook her hesitation as concern: “Yeah, glad you remember. Do you think you can make it tomorrow?”

Definitely not tomorrow. Hopefully never.

But Jason’s words gave Maya a good excuse – she WAS not feeling well! At least it could buy her some time: “I don’t know. I’m burned out, and my stomach is not feeling well either.”

“I see…” Jason didn’t look at her, his eyes pasted on the road, “We should go to a hospital and make sure.”

“I don’t want to go,” Maya bit her lips, trying to get out of the corner she put herself in, “you know how I feel about hospitals. I just need some rest.”

“Don't be such a baby,” With a strict frown, Jason turned the car and changed to the direction of the hospital, “It’s more expensive to change the flight and hotel reservation at the last minute than to get a check-up at the hospital. Besides, I don’t want your family blaming this me, saying I somehow mistreated you.”

“They won’t.” Maya sighed. There was no point telling them about any of these. She can deal with Jason herself.

Pulling out her phone, Maya canceled the reservations without hesitation: “I just need some time to rest. It won’t be a problem. We have got our days off.”

“Ding”. Her cancelation took effect in light speed when arranging and booking them took forever. Just like her marriage – long-term relationship with a sudden end.

“I have canceled them,” Maya showed her phone to Jason, her voice faint due to her pounding temples and twisting stomach, “I’ll cover the loss. Just let me rest for a bit.”

Jason didn’t notice her pale look. His eyebrows furrowed the moment Maya brought up cancelation: “Can you at least talk to me before you just went ahead and canceled our plan? It’s not just the loss of cancelation. How are we supposed to find flight and hotels at the last minute now?! Can you not be so irresponsible and actually plan before you act?”

Plan? SHE planned the whole thing! The wedding AND their honeymoon! When Jason just put in his requests from time to time as if Maya was not his fiancee, but his caterer!

Maya pressed on her thumping temples, enduring the ever-growing pain under his high-pitched scolding. 

But Jason was far from finished: “I told you to not plan such a tight schedule, didn’t I?! Do you realize you just messed up our months’ of planning?!”

Street lamps passed them faster and faster. Maya fell back into her half-conscious dreaming mode, letting Jason’s scolding, the wind, the bloody twilight all flew through without stopping by her, trying to steal a moment of peace.

The Jason grumbling beside her now began to overlap with the one that left her to die – the cold, careless tone, the impatient eyes, the grumpy stomping on the gas.

Though the one in front of her felt wronged for a good reason, and was trying to suppress his temper, but something about him reminded her of the cold, arrogant Jason that knew he could get away with anything.

Maya had never seen this side of Jason so early in her last life. But maybe it was because she had always been the one doing all the compromising whenever there was an issue. The old Maya would never cancel their flight no matter how sick she was feeling, and that Maya would have stopped their argument the moment Jason gave her the slightest frown.

Maybe it wasn’t that Jason changed into the grumpy cold man, it was the old Maya that never give him a reason to show this side!

That thought alerted Maya and suddenly all her senses and mind focused on this sudden realization–

Had Jason always been this selfish, self-centered man from the beginning?!