Rejected Luna

The evening breeze blew through the curtains of the window and I looked at the chandelier on the top. The moonlight crept in all the corners of the room and I felt so alone this evening. I don’t want to get out of this bed, nor leave this room but I have to. As a Luna and the wife of Alpha Alder of the Shadow Pack, I need to fulfill my duties that were given to me.  

I married Alder three years back; this marriage and relationship is nothing but a prison for me. I feel like a prisoner, I can’t do or express anything that’s on my mind. 

I can’t blame Alder; he never wanted me and I entered his life as an unwelcoming guest. It will always be that way. Even though we are mates, our marriage didn’t happen out of love, it occurred because of the compulsion, at least for him. I married him believing he got some interest in me, and thought we were going to be like the rest of the wolves who got married but in reality, we aren’t. 

Alder is the meaning of perfection, he’s like a dream for every she-wolf. I married him and everyone thought I was lucky, but they don’t know how wrong they are. He and I were together for the past three years, this marriage is nothing but mundane. For namesake he’s with me and keeps me as his wife to shut others questions. 

He hasn't marked me and we have never lived as loving mates. He always kept me in a distance that’s hard for me to reach out to him and he won’t let me be by his side either in the pack meetings or in the other social gatherings. 

During these past three years, I gave up a lot of things, including my passion to become a fashion designer. But Alder treated me coldly and always ignored my existence. I can understand that I am not the one he wanted in his life, he had someone who he thought was perfect for him. Grace is her name. She was his first love. Maybe she’s the one and only woman who took a place in his mind and soul.

She’s the alpha’s daughter of the blue moon pack. She has gone abroad after our marriage, just like Alder, she’s heartbroken as I took her place. I never intended to do that, if Alder has said that he has someone else in his life, I would have never married him, his silence and my stupidity is the reason why I am here. 

The problem is Grace has returned yesterday; she even sent a message to me saying that she was the one Alder really loved. I don’t know how to take that, I just cried thinking my relationship with Alder is going to end soon. If she comes here, Alder will prefer to be with her than with me. 

He has no interest in me. That's what I feel whenever he gets close to me. Most of the time, I don’t know what he feels. He has this enigmatic aura which is difficult for me to understand. But his wolf, Benau, is loyal to Lulu. They both were yearning to get mated with each other. 

He hates me, I can understand that in all of his actions but whatever it is, I have to act as his wife. It might sound unfair and humiliating. I sometimes feel as if I have no self-esteem but I can’t change the way I am living right now. Everyone around me expects me to live this way and I can’t disappoint the people around me. 

Today I will get the answer for everything. If he chose me or her.

I took my phone to ask Alder if he’s coming to have dinner with me. The other pack members have noticed what’s going on between us. They asked me if he was absent and I hated to stand there without an answer. It’s not that I am frustrated over this, I hate the fact that everyone knows what’s going on between us. 

When I was about to press the call, I thought of what Alder said to me before. I shouldn’t call him if nothing is serious, especially asking if he can eat with me. I shouldn’t ask him where he is and what he is doing, which is something a friend would do. I am his wife and I am not allowed to do that. 

Sometimes I think I am the unluckiest person. If I take a moment and look at my life, I think that’s indeed the truth.  

I sighed and as usual, I decided to have dinner alone. 

“He’s doing this again,” Lulu, my wolf, snarled in anger. She’s the one greatly affected by all these hardships that have been happening for the past three years. She isn’t happy even though I tell her that everything is going to be fine one day.

She knows the situation better than me, so nothing can convince her. She thinks, even I think the moon goddess has punished us by giving a cruel mate. She wanted us to be happy, instead of living like this. 

“Let’s just have dinner and go to sleep. I am tired,” I answered.

“You’re doing this every time, Sirena. This isn’t right,” Lulu complained. 

“What do you want me to do?” I asked in frustration. 

“Will you listen to me?”

“Of course, I will listen to you,” I said. 

“If you get a chance to restart your life in the future, promise me that you will live for yourself, not for anyone else. Don’t think someone will get hurt because of your decision,” Lulu advised.

I couldn't help but smile when I heard that.

“I will, Lulu. I promise you that,” I said, “And thank you for always being there for me,” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” she said. She’s the only person who supported me in all the worst times of our life.

“Okay fine,” I said. 

I had dinner alone in the big dining hall and went back to my room as I had no interest in going out. I have no one to ask me what I am doing, nor what’s going on in my life. 

I laid on the bed after changing into my pajamas and closed my eyes to sleep. 

A few minutes passed and I heard footsteps. I know it must be Alder, he will go to his room so I didn’t pay any attention to him. 

When the footsteps approached closer to me, I got nervous, and I didn’t open my eyes. All of a sudden, Alder grabbed my hand and yanked me.

I opened my eyes in complete shock.

“What are you doing?” I questioned. 

He didn’t answer. His dark brown eyes glow in the moonlight and he’s drunk. Fear crept in my mind and I tried to come out of his grip. 

“What do you want? Leave my hand,” 

He didn’t answer me and yanked me to stand on my feet. It’s been so long since I got so close to him and my heart raced in excitement. 

Even though he acts so rude and mean all the time, I couldn’t hate him. In fact, I love him. Yes, my stupid heart loves him ever since I met him for the first time. It’s not love at first sight; I just liked him and then I slowly started to love him. I didn’t know why this happened to me. He never did anything special to get such a place in my heart. This happened slowly and gradually.

Now, instead of getting scared I am excited to see him close to me. 

"Don't say a word,” he placed his hand on my neck and pulled my face close to him. My cheeks instantly blushed and I had a hard time resisting my urge to touch him. 

His lips came dangerously close to me and I can’t believe this moment. I thought we were never going to kiss but this moment seemed remarkable. His eyes were on mine, his breath on my skin, his lips were just an inch away from me and his hands were on my hip. 

I tried not to look at his eyes, and I couldn’t stand still with all these feelings. My heart raced as soon as his lips touched mine, I let go of my shyness, and held him close to me. The kiss became intense. 

I know I am going to regret what I am doing but I don’t have the desire to stop this. I like his touch; his affection and I love him. One thing led to another. Lulu thought Alder is going to mark me as his mate tonight.

I wonder how he suddenly changed? He left Grace for me. Maybe he must have realized how much I love him. I never failed to show how much I care about him whenever the situation comes. He’s intoxicated, Lulu reminded me but I don’t care. I know Alder, he won’t do anything if he doesn’t like it, except our marriage. Tonight is the day I have been waiting for all these years. This could bring the change that I wanted in my life. 

Alder pushed me onto the bed and he came on top of me after taking off his shirt. We kissed so passionately. We made love and I thought Alder would mark me in the process but he never did which kind of made me nervous. 

“I love you, Alder,” I confessed when he’s hugging me firmly against his hard torso. I thought maybe now he will do that. 

“I love you, Grace,” he answered, which has totally destroyed everything I ever felt for him. My face lost all the happiness which I had moments before. At that moment, I got deeply offended and thought I will never be that person he wanted in his life. My heart is broken beyond repair. I should have realized this before sleeping with him. I will forever regret this. 

Alder slept after telling that, but I lost my sleep that night. I looked at what's really wrong with me and I decided something which I never thought I would do.  

The next day, I got ready and sat on the chair, watching Alder who’s still asleep on my bed. He woke up and gazed at me. 

I don’t see him attractive anymore, I just hate him. I don’t know how long this feeling will last but I want to hold on to it for a really long time.

He looked around and realized that he’s in my room.

“Why am I here? What the hell is going on?” he frowned. 

“You came here last night and…” I paused. 

“And what?” he asked and he must have realized what we have done.

“Don’t tell me that isn’t a dream,”

I chuckled.

“Yes, that isn't a dream,” I say. 

“How can you let that happen?” 

I feel ashamed to hear that and I don’t know what to say other than looking at him and this situation helplessly. I am a fool and I let this happen. 

“You always do this, you get what you want and you don’t have any shame,” Alder said and my snarled to hear such disrespectful words.

I tried not to get angry because that will not resolve anything. 

“Always?”

“Yes, you were the one who deceived my father into this marriage and Grace left me because of you,” he accused me of the things that I never did. 

“No, you misunderstood,” I say.

“I am not going to believe you,” Alder said. 

“No, you must believe me,” 

“Never,” he nodded, he got down from the bed and came to me. I didn’t flinch and stared at him, tears in my eyes. 

“What I need to do so that you will believe me,” 

I feel so humiliated yet I couldn’t stop begging.

He laughed, “You’re so pathetic, Sirena,”

“Yes, I am. In this situation, I want you to believe me more than anything,”

“I feel sorry for you but I am not going to listen to any of your reasons or pleas,” he said and looked away as if I am not at all a person. 

“You took away all my happiness, Sirena,” he said.

I glared at him. “Your happiness isn’t mine to take. If you have loved Grace, then you should have married her. You made the wrong choice and now you are blaming me?” 

Alder gritted his teeth in frustration.

“I know, this all happened against your wish but you never once loved me? I have been so good to you even when you treated me badly,” I asked. 

“You shouldn’t ask this question Sirena, I hate you,” he retorted. That word has hurt me more than anything. Everything seemed pointless after I heard that from him. But still my heart craved not to break this relationship. His ignorance and hate is something I clearly see today. I can no longer convince myself that he will love me after this or I can love him the same way I used to do. It’s extremely painful, I need to accept this in no time. 

"How can you say this to me?" 

"Because this is how I feel," 

"You…” I looked at him, and what Lulu said came to my mind at that moment. 

“Then let’s divorce, I don’t want this anymore,”