DO YOU STILL HOLD ANY GRUDGES?

LOLA

It was an unusually chilly morning as I rode down town, my heart thumping heavily, every little sound causing me to jerk over.

I didn't know how it happened, but the truth remains that it happened.

I wasn't supposed to stay out last night, especially without informing Eddy. The only few times I had stayed out since my marriage were during my visits to my parents, which had only happened twice in two years — once with Eddy's permission, the other without and I paid dearly for it.

Pulling into the compound, my stomach twisted painfully as I packed well in the garage.

It took a long while before I found the courage to get out of the car. When I finally did, my legs felt too weak to walk the distance to the house.

Earlier, I had rehearsed questions Eddy could possibly ask me, and the most appropriate replies I should give. I haven't even gone in, yet my hands were already shaky behind me.

I almost tripped when my phone started to vibrate inside my bag. Sighing, I dug it out with trembling hands, scared that it could be Eddy calling, which spelt doom because he never calls except he couldn't wait to lay options of punishments before me.

"F*ck!" I hissed, quickly inspecting the space around me like a common criminal trying to discreetly break into a place.

"Hello," I whispered, covering my mouth with my hand.

"Are you...," he paused. "You can't talk right now? Is everything okay at home?"

"Yes, Connor. I am yet to go in, but I have to now. I will reach you as soon as I can. I'm fine, don't worry," I replied, rushing through the words and finally ending the call without even waiting to hear his next word.

Exhaling heavily, I shut my eyes and stalled for a few seconds. Then, opening them, I flexed my shoulders backwards and strode towards the door.

Letting myself in, I decided to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. Turning towards the small corridor that crossed to the dining room, I strolled down confidently, making sure I looked trustworthy, in opposition to the rock of guilt sitting heavy in my stomach.

The last pillar before the kitchen entrance had me concealed when my eyes caught Freddy walking right into the kitchen with an empty mug.

I stopped in my tracks, my stomach hollowing all the way through, I felt empty down there.

I haven't seen him in days. I thought he was intentionally avoiding me. Nevertheless, this morning wasn't the best time to start a conversation with him.

Slowly, I retreated, making sure to not breathe out too loud.

I was going to turn back and go upstairs, but the voices in the kitchen drew me in. There was someone else inside. My breathing quickened at the thought that it could be Eddy.

Carefully, I tip-toed closer to hear what it was about — perhaps Eddy was truly the other person in there and maybe the conversation had to do with me. I could know my fate and prepare ahead against it.

"You barely participated last week. Do you still hold grudges?" I heard my father-in-law speak, my breathing catching in my throat.

"Grudges? No. I just do not want to have anything to do with the family or the so-called influence attached to it."

A slurping sound followed, reminding me of how thirsty I was feeling.

"It is your family, regardless. And Eddison is still your brother. It is not in your place to choose right now. It is what it has always been and will continue to be."

"So?" Freddy asked, the word rolling off his tongue nonchalantly.

He seemed angry. I could tell because I had spent a long time with him to know when he is angry but trying so much to hide it.

"So, you have come to terms with it and stop acting like a rebellious high schooler."

I swallowed. The strong feeling that I shouldn't be listening right now to their conversation ripping me hard apart.

"Dad, is it that much of a great deal to ask?"

"Why are you even here if you were going to keep hiding away from the functions?"

"I didn't hide."

"Oh well. Call me a liar to my face."

"I just cannot stand Eddy as much as he cannot stand me."

A loud clattering sound followed, causing a shiver to travel down my spine. I froze, taking a step back.

"For how long?" my father-in-law's voice came again.

"How about you ask him this exact question," Freddy returned.

"Well, you might as well get lost, since the function is over. Why are you still in the house of the same person you cannot stand?"

I swallowed, clutching my arms tight.

"This house wasn't registered in his name. It is a company property and I have a right to it."

I swallowed again, scared that I might get to know more than I actually should know.

"This is what it is about. A fight stemming from my plans of early retirement."

My ears piqued. Retirement? A family feud?

It was finally coming together. Why I had no clue whatsoever that Freddy was a Langford while I dated him and even right after — maybe I would have never if I had ended up with another man that wasn't Eddy — Freddy cut ties with his family.

"You are boldly telling me that you are here to fight your brother over the company and its benefits, not because you finally decided to face and carry out your responsibilities?"

Silence.

I moved another step and listened very closely.

"You talk like you are comfortable entrusting the company you have sustained for years into Eddy's hands. If you're being blunt, let's not keep secrets too."

"What do you mean?" Greg asked through a sneer, I could feel its intensity without even seeing him.

"Dad, you know well to keep your personal feelings aside and pick the best bet for the business. Maybe, you would stop nagging the wrong person when that happens."

I shifted in my stance, but I was too late to make a decision before Freddy's figure pulled out of the kitchen suddenly, locking eyes with me.

I got the worst meltdown of my life at that moment, my eyes rolling for the best first words to say and how to say it without attracting the attention of the other man still in the kitchen.

"Shuush!" he commanded, his fingers sealing his lips dramatically.

Then, he began to walk away. I followed him, my heart pounding uncontrollably in my chest.