HARD AND BACK TO REALITY

LOLA

I swallowed, closing my eyes to the pain of the moment suddenly ending because of the same thing I had feared.

I was back in my room - the room I shared with Eddy, and I was sitting n*ked on the toilet seat, my face pressed hard against my palms when I remembered that I had forgotten my flops in Freddy's room.

I was in such a haste to get out of the shame, and the fear of confronting what happened to us two years ago.

I leaned back against the flusher, the cold meeting my skin - sharp, rough, cutting more into the pain that had taken over my body.

Then, I remembered it.

The dildo - I had thought s*x toys would give me the satisfaction Eddy couldn't, but instead it reminded me of how messed up my life had become.

It was tucked in nicely inside the flusher. I had not used it again since the first time I had tried to but couldn't.

But at the moment, I was already aroused to the point of pain, the need to feel like I wasn't as worthless as Eddy had always emphasized filling every corner of my chest.

With just my upper body, I turned. Lifting the lid of the flusher, I retrieved the thick silicon material.

I wasn't sure I had locked the bathroom door, but I didn't care.

Anybody could walk in and see the pathetic loser Eddy had turned me into.

With one leg balanced on the toilet seat, the other rooted firmly against the bathroom floor, I rubbed my fingers against my clitoris in circles. Fast, continuously.

"At least, tell me why you did what you did last night?" 

I was staring at the arrangement of the white tiles on the wall in front of me, but for some reason, Freddy's voice from minutes ago replayed in my head.

I wondered if I shouldn't have indulged him.

I remembered the expression on his face, like he had been wanting to ask me that since last night.

"What do you mean?" I had replied him, shifting to sit upright on the bed.

My grip on the silicon tightened. I moved to lean slightly against the flusher.

My p*ssy throbbed and I watched the slimy liquid drip down to pool against the toilet seat.

I dragged a finger across the film of thickness against the walls of my p*ssy and my stomach did a quick slip.

"You locked your husband out of your own room, and you were comfortable with it for that long? Tell me something I need to know."

I threw my head back to how his voice, a low grumble, shelled every word and threw them at me recklessly.

"He had a beautiful night."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm very sure he didn't mind. I get like that sometimes, and he had never complained."

I remembered the look on his face, like he was trying to make sense of what I had just said.

My thoughts fought hard against themselves.

What if he finally figured it out, that I meant absolutely nothing to the man I had left him for.

I had shamelessly struck a deal with Eddy because I didn't want him to show the other men how much I disgusted him, it didn't make sense that I had given myself out like that.

I scooped through the film of my thickness and watched the slime give way into parts.

"Did you know Eddy was my brother before getting married to him?"

Freddy's voice came again, without mercy, jamming against my thoughts. I rubbed my slimy fingers together and began to grease the silicon. It wasn't enough to wet the entire length but I needed something to distract myself from the thoughts of my decisions.

He was breathing hard like he expected an answer that would break him and he was trying to stay strong regardless.

In that moment, I saw in his eyes a man that gave everything to one woman and then she looked back, spat on his face and walked away.

I didn't answer his question.

My joints ached from holding that position for longer than I could withstand.

I wanted to return to my former posture on the toilet seat, but then, I remembered Eddy.

I thought about what he could say if he was watching. I thought about the countless derogatory remarks he had shoved down my throat in the past two years.

My hand moved, and in an instant, the silicon popped into me.

I threw my head back and imagined Eddy, shoving his c*ck mindlessly through my hole on one of those many occasions he would be out on training for days, finally getting to have me in the dark of our room.

My body trembled to the thought of getting to go crazy with him again, and I shoved the silicon harder into my hole.

My mouth fell open in a noiseless moan, my heart beating fast to the thoughts gathering faster in my head.

Slowly, I pulled out, going back in again, and the rythm building up quickly.

My legs were shaky, I had to grab the flusher for support.

I felt a slight pain around my hole, but my brain had given in to the pleasure, so much to not acknowledge the pain.

I felt the weight of my voice pushing through my throat, but I bit down on my lips. I didn't have enough courage to tell myself the truth - I missed Freddy.

I wanted him. Now.

My fingers pressed hard against the smooth surface of the flusher until my skin numbed to the thickness.

All along, my hand was still working with the silicon length, in and out of my hole.

I could feel the sting in my eyes. The desire that can never be satisfied with me shamelessly masturbating in the secrecy of my husband's bathroom.

I felt a warmth in the corner of my rght eye, then it drizzled down to the high of my cheek.

I gasped, going faster, imagining it was his c*ck going in and out of me, my legs barely grasping the floor, my eyes blurring in view, my heart aching to that which I could only dream of - I wish I could go back to two years ago.

Then, a shadow crossed my view, occupying the space directly in front of me, the weight resting heavy on my blurry vision.

For a second, I wanted to believe Freddy came all the way to find me, but I wasn't sure if it was my mind making things up.

My legs were wobbly so I allowed my back rest against the wall behind me.

Nothing prepared me for the cold that seeped through my skin, finding its way to every part of my upper body like water gets absorbed in a sponge.

My body jerked hard and then back to reality.

It felt like a layer broke of my body. My eyes opened to Eddy standing in front of me, his back against the closed bathroom door, his hands folded across his chest in a manner of someone who wasn't surprised at the sight before him, and doesn't even care about it.

His eyes held that familiar cold stare like at a piece of furniture that had lost its value.

I froze, my head working fast for the best excuse even with knowing they'd be useless while my body prepared to take the hit that was surely inevitable.