I'M not
only sleep-deprived but starving as well. After sitting through a few classes and being scolded in each one for not focusing, I finally find myself sitting at a lunch, table staring down at my tray of tater tots."I can't believe you just did that." I hold my stomach as I double over
SOMETIMESI wonder what it would be like to just disappear. To just vanish and leave all your worries and problems behind. I wish I could do that now. Disappear. But, I can't. It's an endless battle between me and my thoughts, and I'm losing. "Alexa, can I talk to you for a moment?" Mr. Callaghan stops me before I can exit the classroom. It's the end of our second-
Ilook at myself in the mirror and just stare at the prominent bags under my eyes, hoping that maybe if I stare long enough, they'll go away. Even the many layers of concealer I'm wearing can't cover up how utterly exhausted I am. I sigh and grab my sunglasses and the duffel bag carrying my necessities before making my way downstairs. "Hey, where you heading off to
THEnext day,I'm awoken by the sound of my phone dinging at what has to be about one hundred dings per second. It's Alison and Madison wanting to know what exactly happened at their party and if I'm okay. When my phone finally stops emitting that harrowing dinging sound, I close my eyes and attempt to fall asleep again.
Ifeel itall at once. All the sadness and grief and confusion. It all comes rushing to me the second I wake up, tears rolling down my cheeks as my heart begins to beat faster and faster and faster. Today is November fourth. Cam's birthday.
Inever understoodhow people could just feel broken. How they could be so broken in their soul that they could physically feel it as if they were being pounded down to nothing. Until they felt dead inside. Now I understand. I finally understand the many ways you could kill someone without stoppin
ALLI see is red. The repetitive beeps sound from every angle and I have no idea what it is until my eyes shoot open. A stinging sensation pierces through my eyes as the white light of the room hits me. Once my eyes adjust to the brightness, my head begins to pound as if it's been smashed against pavement. I try moving, but my body is stiff. My eyes trail down my b
ALLI see is darkness.Everything is pitch black and I look around realizing that I'm in water again. I begin to panic until it registers that there is no crushing pain on my chest–no overwhelming feeling of being suffocated because this time, I'm notdrowning. I'm just... here. The
Ifeel trapped. Like a fragile, caged animal. It has only been a day since my parents told me that I'd be here for another two week for "help" and I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Which is why I'm here, right? To make sure I'm not crazy? "Alexa?" A nurse peeks her head through the door. "It's time for your session."