Chapter 1 - THE OATH

Rene’s POV

I stared at my husband in the hospital bed as the beeping sound continued to sound. He was pale and weak, frail. His handsome features were still there but fading.

My husband.. My vibrant husband.. My first love. I cleaned the tears away from my eyes looking away so he wouldn't see it.

“Rene.. Hey… look at me” he called to me with his weak voice. “Don't be like this.. We have talked this over. I don't want you sad and crying when I’m spending my last days. I want my last memories with you smiling”

I sniffed. “Nathan I just can't come to terms that you're leaving me. I can't.. I can't do without you Nat.. My life would be…” I whispered.. The tears rolling down freely.

My husband had been battling Meningioma for a year. He fought, but over time, he became weak.

“You promised you were going to fight Nat.. For me.. For us” I held his hands firmly. “Please… please don't leave me”

“Baby please… “ a fit of cough cut him short as he wheezed

“Hey.. Easy” I handed him a bottle of water.

“I’m fine honey.. I'm fine” he smiled. At least his smile was still there.

I mirrored the smile..

“There.. what does it take you to smile. I haven’t seen you smile in a while”

“What’s there to smile about Nathan?” I started to softly massage his arm.

“Don’t do this Rene.. I told you there’s a lot of things to smile for. The memories we made together. We need to appreciate the little time we have left”

I puffed, with frustration mixed with anger. I hated each time he said we’re having a little time left. I hated the reminder.

“I don't know.. Maybe because i’m your wife and…”

“You’re my wife doesn't mean you're not supposed to come first. It doesn't mean you shouldn't take care of yourself as well. Baby, when was the last time you went shopping? Caught a movie? Had brunch with your girlfriends? Regardless of what’s going on with me, you need a life, my love. "

“I have a life, Nat. But you...”

“I am not your life, Rene. I never was. Not now. Never.”

My lips parted and then I quickly closed them. “But what if I go out and then...” I stopped. I didn’t want to think about that.

“No I need to be here Nat I need to..,”

“Yeah I understand that but you need to have your own fun…”

“There’s no fun without you Nathan!” I snapped.

“Baby.. God.. Can you listen to me please..” he looked at me worriedly. He slowly rubbed my hands.

“Rene, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“When’s the last time you touched yourself?”

My eyes widened. “What? Why?”

I hadn’t thought about sex or anything remotely sexual for the past year since Nathan’s diagnosis. We hadn’t made love in months, not since the tumor got worse. I remembered our last time with fondness.

It was amazing. It was as if he knew it would be the last time he’d have the strength to touch me like that, so he gave the sexual performance of his life. I had never orgasmed so many times. I had soaked the sheets down to the mattress.

The faintest grin crossed Nathan’s face. “You need some kind of pleasure in your life. I can’t give it to you. Not like this. Remember all the fun we used to have? All the sexy shit we used to do.”

A shiver ran down my spine as I thought about Nathan in healthier times. Our love life had never been an issue. No matter how broken we were, or how petty the argument, our sex life was something that never suffered. Sometimes we would fight over the smallest of things just to end up fucking like rabbits. It was a miracle I didn't get pregnant.

I shook my head. “Nat, honey, I don’t have time to think about that. The medical bills are piling up. I’m on sabbatical from the company and I’ll have to go back soon. I’ll have to arrange your care, and…..”

“Shh, beautiful. The company is fine. I just want you to think about yourself for a change. Something other than bills or me and this fucking tumor. Seriously, Rene. Get the fuck out of this hospital. Have some fun.”

I sat on the edge of the bed. “And do what, Nathan?”

“Get your back blown out.”

I nearly fell over in shock. “Nathan! You are asking me to cheat on you!”

He laughed. “Is it cheating if I know about it? Baby, I will not be here much longer. You and I know this. I am giving you permission to have a basic human need met.”

I shook my head. “Nathan, that is reckless.”

“Remember how you’d get all dressed up in barely anything under your clothes and we’d go to Coverts? We’d watch the other couples, get so turned on and fuck all night”

I swallowed, my nipples tightening at the memory. I hadn’t thought about Coverts, the members-only swingers club, in years. Nathan and I were more watchers than swingers, watching everyone’s pleasure, which heightened our own. When we first began dating, we went often. Each time, we’d end up having some of the best sex of our lives.. We would role play or do some light kink. The last time we had gone to Coverts, Nathan was as fit as a horse. Or so we thought...

“Nat, I’d never go to a place like Coverts without you. Is that even safe?”

“Baby, there is security everywhere, you know that. Besides, you can meet someone and not have to worry about them disclosing to the world who you are. NDAs and all of that. Very discreet.”

I was becoming increasingly frustrated. “Nathan, you’re asking me to break my vows. I just... I can’t.”

“I want you to go. And come back and tell me all about it. Don’t leave out any detail.”

“Nathan, I....”

“Rene, do something for yourself. For me.”

“Nathan, you’re talking foolishness.” I rose from my spot on the bed, leaned down and kissed him on the head. “I’m going to go tidy up a little.. The guys texted and said they’d be here.” with that I opened the door and walked out.