3 Knocks

CHAPTER 5

Clara's POV

I woke up to an empty bed, aching in spots I didn’t want to know if they existed.

The sheets were a little cool where Victor had been lying, so he’d been out for some time.

I instinctively put my hand on my thighs, and winced. The pain was another cruel reminder of last night and what I'd let happen.

I sat up, slowly, dizzy-headed. The room was just too quiet, too still. As though it was holding its breath, waiting for me to say what I’d become.

A cheater.

The word sat heavily in my chest, and it was hard to breathe. I curled my legs up to my chest and crossed my arms around them.

"What have I done?" I muttered to the empty room.

The words of Nikolai came back to me. "I'm not done with you yet you have to feel the pain I felt when you left.”

My throat tightened.

He wasn't going to stop. This was not simply a matter of want, nor was it of unfinished business this was payback, dark and evil. And I was the target.

I struggled to get up from bed; my legs wobbled as I rose.

The mirror on the other side of the room reflected a girl I hardly recognized, hair all over the place, lips swollen and a dry look of someone who's been possessed by a wandering ghost.

“Pull yourself together, Clara,” I said to my reflection. "You can't fall apart not now."

Even as I said that, though, I knew it was a lie. I was already falling apart. Piece by piece.

I took a speedy shower, rubbing my skin until it was red this had become a daily habit for me all in an attempt to wash away the guilt. But no soap would ever wash away what I’d done.

I got dressed and made my way out of the room; the mansion was a tomb. Secrets in every corner, and shadows that seemed to watch me.

I needed to avoid Nikolai. At all costs.

The private library appeared to be the safest. Victor almost never went up there, and Nikolai probably didn’t even know it was there. I would be able to stay in hiding there for a few hours, or maybe even the entire day until Victor returns.

The library's stationed on the second floor behind a pair of heavy oak doors. It housed the smell of old books and leather, an assuaging scent that calmed me down a bit from my smothering feeling.

I slumped in a giant chair and picked out a book from the shelf at random. I didn't even glance at the title.

How little it takes to make a fool into an earnest man, I am not sure, but in my instance all that was required was something anything on which to concentrate so I would be spared from having constantly before me the sight of how completely empty my mind had been at that time.

But the words swam on the page as I couldn’t stop thinking about Nikolai from his touch that beat down, looking at me like I was something he wanted to kill.

"Clara?"

I gasped and nearly dropped the book. Victor was standing at the door, beaming.

“I have been searching for you everywhere,” he said, entering.

My heart pounded. “I wanted to be alone for a little bit.”

He nodded and walked over to me. "I understand. Yesterday was overwhelming, wasn't it? All those guests, the pressure to be perfect.”

"Yeah," I said softly. "It was a lot."

He placed himself upon the arm of my chair, and his hand lay on my shoulder. "You did beautifully, sweetheart. Everyone was impressed with you."

I forced a smile. "Thank you."

“But I don’t want you to get lost in this,” he added. “I know elite life can be difficult to adapt to, that’s why I’ve been thinking… you need to have something to focus on. A purpose."

I looked up at him, confused. "A purpose?"

“Whoo,” he went on,.his eyes brightening. "A charity project. Something meaningful. You could do work with underprivileged children, or perhaps sponsor girls who cannot afford an education. Whatever you're passionate about."

My chest tightened. “Victor, I don’t know if I’m mature enough for something like that.”

"You are," he said firmly. “And it’ll keep you busy. You'll be busy, fulfilled. There won’t be time to be … aimless.”

Aimless. Was that what he thought I was?

I nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll think about it."

"Good." He crouched and kissed my forehead. “I’ve already talked to my assistant. She'll help you get started. You'll have to make use of the east wing office."

My stomach dropped.

The east wing? That was right next to…

“Victor, I could perhaps get a job somewhere else? The library, or…"

“No wife of mine would be seen slaving around the east wing is perfect,” he cut in. "It's quiet, private. Everything will be waiting for you there.”

I swallowed hard. "Okay."

He smiled and stood up. “I must leave for the office, but I will see you at dinner. Don't skip lunch, alright?"

"I won't," I lied.

The moment he was out the door, I sagged back in the chair.

A charity project.

An office in the east wing.

If Victor’s intentions were to help me, I’m afraid he failed, because he only managed to ensnare me.

It dawned on me at that point, escaping Nikolai in this mansion was impossible. Although the house was big, it wasn’t big enough to avoid him all day.

I rose and went to the window. The gardens lay beneath us, green and curved. It appeared peaceful enough, but I knew better.

This place was a cage a golden, beautiful cage.

I needed a plan.

I can’t keep running. I can’t keep letting Nikolai linger in the corners of my mind over me, through me.

I had to become invisible.

A ghost.

Someone unreachable, someone he couldn’t hurt.

If I stayed away from him entirely, if I was so distant and frigid maybe he'd become disinterested and just maybe he’d leave. Maybe he'd finally let me go.

It was a Hail Mary, but it was all I had.

I spent the rest of the day in the library, reading and re-reading a single page until the words jumbled. I missed lunch, too nervous to eat. The last thing I wanted to do was see Nikolai in the dining room.

As evening came, I grew weary. Not because of anything I did, but from fear, and from waiting for him to show up.

I rushed back to my room, moving fast through the halls. With every step, my heart pounded, and my eyes searched the place, expecting him to be lurking in the dark.

But I reached my room with no incident.

I closed the door behind me and slumped against it, my breath coming in shuddering gasps.

“You’re fine,” I muttered to.myself. "You're okay."

I went to the bed and sat, retrieving my phone. I'd missed calls from my dad but I couldn’t step on the brakes to call him back.

What would I even say?

That I was stuck in a manor house with another man who detested me? That I was in bed with my husband’s son? That I was overwhelmed with guilt and fear and had no idea how to right myself?

I'm sure he's going through much more than I was, especially with Mom's case…

No. I can't risk being a burden to him; he's the only one I have now.

I put the phone down and flopped onto my back in bed again, looking up at the ceiling. My body still hurt from last night a dull ache and it was just a reminder of everything I'd done and more to come.

I shut my eyes, trying to push away the images.

But they kept playing in my head.

Nikolai's hands on my skin, his voice in my ear and the fact that he had looked at me like I was nothing.

A low hum from my phone jogged me out of my reverie. I sat up and snatched it, thinking it was a text from my dad or possibly from Victor.

But it wasn't either of them.

It was an unknown number.

I opened the message with trembling hands and then I saw what it entailed and my blood ran cold.

It was a photo.

A black and white photo of an apartment in Delhi my old apartment, the one that I used to share with Nikolai.

And below that, one line of text:

“You don’t get to pick where you hide.”

The phone dropped from my hand and landed on the bed. I sat up and looked at it, my chest heaving, my heart beating so loud I could hear it in my ears.

He knew.

Nikolai knew I was avoiding him. And this was his way of telling me that no matter where I went, whatever I did, he would find me.

I covered my mouth with my hand, attempting to suppress the sob welling in my throat.

This wasn't just revenge anymore.

This was war.

And I was losing but then three quiet knocks echoed against my door the one I'd been dreading.