LOGINBe my girlfriend." That's what Landon Cross said when he cornered me in the practice room. The quarterback, my enemy. The most handsome guy I've ever hated. He handed me a contract worth Fifteen thousand dollars. Six months of pretending. My brother's heart surgery costs eighteen thousand. I have forty-seven dollars. I signed. No touching. No feelings. No telling anyone it's fake. We broke every rule within two weeks. Then his father found out. Gave him an ultimatum. My reputation or his future. He called me a gold digger in front of the whole school. Two years later, I'm a professional cellist. I'm fine. I'm lying. He showed up at my brother's graduation with the truth and a single piece of duct tape from my old cello case. "I never stopped," he said. Now I have to decide: forgive the unforgivable, or walk away forever.
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"Be my girlfriend." I stopped the bow mid-stroke. Landon Cross stood in the doorway of practice room four. He held a folder in one hand. He crossed the room and set it on my music stand. I looked at the folder, then at him. "Get out." "Read it first." He didn't move from the stand. I set my cello against my knee. The folder held two pages, stapled once. My name typed at the top. His name typed below it. I read the first line. Six months of fake dating. I read the second. Fifteen thousand dollars. "You have forty-seven dollars in your checking account." His voice stayed even. "Your brother needs a second surgery. Eighteen thousand after insurance. The deposit closes Thursday." My hands went still on the page. Nobody outside my family knew those numbers. "How do you know that." "It doesn't matter how I know it." His eyes stayed on me, not the door. "It matters what you do with it." I looked down at the contract again. No real feelings. This is a transaction. I read that line twice. I thought of my grandfather's kitchen. The window always cracked open. His hand guiding mine on the bow. Sunday mornings, always Bach. He used to say a promise only counted once it was written down. I wondered what he would have said about this one. I set the folder on the stand. "No." He didn't flinch. "Fifteen thousand." I kept my face still. I counted instead of answering. Four strings. Four pegs. Rosin dust on the floor by my shoe. "Leave." He picked the folder back up. He didn't argue. He walked out and shut the door behind him, quiet, like he'd expected exactly this. I sat there for a long minute. The hallway noise faded down to nothing. My phone sat next to my sheet music on the stand. I picked it up before I let myself think it through. Leo's face came up on my screen. A photo from Christmas. His gap-toothed grin, still there from before the first surgery. The deposit closed Thursday. My mother had been writing numbers on an envelope. Every night that week. I had already counted them myself. The number never changed. I typed one line. I want the contract. I sent it before I could talk myself out of it. His reply came in forty seconds. Library. Tomorrow. Eight AM. I set the phone face down on the stand. My hands weren't shaking yet. That felt like a matter of time, not a fact. I packed up slowly. The case latches clicked one at a time under my fingers. I looped the strap over my shoulder. I pushed through the practice room door into the hallway. Priya was waiting by the lockers. Arms crossed, the way she always stood on Thursdays. She took one look at my face. "What happened." "Nothing." I kept walking. She fell into step beside me anyway. "You have your counting face on." I didn't answer that. I turned down the east stairwell instead of the main hall. The long way. It gave me two extra minutes before I had to say anything out loud. Leo needed the surgery. My mother needed sleep she hadn't gotten since August. I needed fifteen thousand dollars I didn't have. The only person offering it had stood in my practice room. He'd named my brother's number like he'd memorized it off a whiteboard. I thought about Landon Cross. He had never spoken to me before today. Not once, not in three years at this school. I played cello in a corner of the arts wing nobody visited. He threw footballs on a field everyone watched. Our paths didn't cross by accident. Someone had given him that number. Or he'd gone looking for it himself. Either way, somebody had been paying attention to my family. Longer than one afternoon, from the sound of it. My phone buzzed again in my pocket. Not him this time. My mother, a single line. Leo asking for you, call when you can. I called from the bus stop. The phone went cold against my ear. The bench sat damp under me from last night's rain. Leo picked up on the second ring. Already talking before I got a word out. Some joke about the hospital gown they'd make him wear. I let his voice fill in the parts of me that had gone quiet. "You okay?" His voice caught on the silence I'd left. "I'm okay." I watched a bus pull away from the far corner. "I might have a plan for Thursday." "What kind of plan?" I looked down at my own hand. A faint mark where I'd pressed my thumbnail into my palm without noticing. "The kind I don't want to explain yet." He let it go. That was Leo's way when he decided I needed room. We talked about his video game for another minute. Then about my Bach prelude. Then I hung up. The bus schedule blurred in front of me. Eight AM tomorrow. The library. Two signatures. Landon Cross had never once spoken to me before today. He had walked into my practice room already knowing my numbers. Knowing exactly which ones would make me say yes. I didn't know yet what he was hiding behind that even voice. I only knew it was something.LENAThe recording studio sat above a music shop downtown. Small and soundproofed, nothing like the grand halls I'd imagined as a kid."You'll be fine." Landon squeezed my hand once before letting go. "Same chair rules apply. I'll be right here."He settled into the corner, out of the engineer's sightline. Close enough that I could see him if I needed to. The engineer, a quiet woman named Priti, adjusted the microphones without rushing me. She gave me time to tune, to breathe, to remember why any of this mattered."Whenever you're ready." Priti's voice came through the small speaker, calm and unbothered by my nerves.I closed my eyes for a moment. I thought about my grandfather's kitchen, the window always cracked open, his hand guiding mine through my first scale. I thought about the empty parking garage, the rain. An hour and twenty minutes of someone listening without ever once announcing himself.I opened my eyes and started playing.October Route came out steadier than it had in
Chapter Thirty: What We Keep I went home for Christmas and Leo beat me at the racing game eleven times in a row. He was genuinely very good at it. I said so and he accepted the compliment with the particular graciousness of a twelve year old who had been waiting for the acknowledgment. I let him win the strategy game twice, then he won it himself on the third attempt and I didn't have to let him do anything. My mother made dinner on Christmas Eve and we sat at the table for a long time after the food was gone, just the three of us, not talking about anything in particular, the radio on in the kitchen. I looked at my mother's face in the candlelight and I thought about how she had looked in the hospital waiting room that morning in October, still in yesterday's scrubs, running on nothing but will. She looked different now. Not younger. Just less held. Less stored. "You're thinking very hard," Leo told me across the table. "I think hard. It's a habit." "About what." "About how g
Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Last Thursday Room 214 was double booked in the second week of December. I found out on Wednesday when the room schedule showed a string quartet rehearsal from four to seven, which was our window. I texted Landon. He found out at the same time. We stood in the corridor outside the room on Thursday afternoon and looked at the closed door and the sound of four people rehearsing Haydn coming through it. "Where else," he said. "Professor Valdez's studio. Third floor. She said students could use it over the holiday break." I looked at him. "She also said it has a better piano." He looked at the closed door. "The piano in here isn't bad." "The piano in here is thirty years old and the middle C sticks slightly." "I've adapted to the middle C." "You shouldn't have to adapt to a sticking key," I said. "Come on." Professor Valdez's studio was at the end of the third floor corridor, larger than I had realized from the outside. There was a good piano, a full upri
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Before Spring The spring enrollment packet arrived the second week of December. Course selection. Practice room allocation. Ensemble placement auditions in January. A list of faculty I would be working with, including a name I recognized from a recording my grandfather had played for me when I was nine, a cellist whose approach to Bach he had described as the most honest thing he had ever heard. I sat at my desk and read the packet three times. Then I called my mother. "It's real," I told her. "It was always real," she said. "You made it real." "Mom." "I'm allowed to say that." I thought about what Priya had said. You're allowed to have it. My mother's version was different but it meant the same thing. "I'm going to be twenty minutes away," I said. "I can still come home Sundays." "I know. But Lena." A pause. "You don't have to come home Sundays. You're allowed to have Sundays that are yours." I thought about Leo. About the cooking and the video game
# LENAI am at St. Catherine's by six thirty.My mother is already there in yesterday's scrubs, a cold coffee in her hand, the particular stillness of someone running on no sleep and sheer will. I sit beside her. I swap the cold cup for the one I brought. We look at each other and say nothing becau
# LENAThe jacket is navy wool with gold stitching and it weighs about as much as the decision I made to put it on.Priya watches me pull it over my shoulders in the corridor outside the gymnasium and says nothing for four full seconds. From Priya that is the equivalent of a very long speech."When
# LENAI arrive eight minutes early and choose the table in the far corner near the window. Pen on the table. Bag on the floor. Outside the glass the campus is still mostly empty, a few people cutting across the lawn with their heads down against the cold. I watch them for a moment and then I stop
LENA "Be my girlfriend." I look up from my cello. The bow is in my hand and Bach is half finished on the stand and Landon Cross is standing in the doorway of my practice room like he has been there long enough to decide something. I have said approximately nine words to this boy in three years.
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