Sold to an Angel with a God Complex

"Rule #1: Don't chase your potential clients with a knife."

Have you ever felt like you were cursed to suffer forever? Like the entire purpose of your life is for tormention? Because I do. Ever since I was born, life has a strange way of reminding me why I shouldn't hold on to things that were meant to break. Trends, promises, status, condoms, standards and et cetera.

Everything is uncertain and in order to live, I must be adaptable to changes. Good thing my Papu taught me the art of not giving a fuck. With our late black pick-up truck, he was literally driving me to kindergarten, blasting his favourite rock bands in our speaker as if we owned the streets. He raised me so damn well and I wouldn't achieve half of the peacefulness I have without him.

So with my shades and black lipstick on years later, I can still always roam the streets of Cashmodeus City with the smug look on my face and do whatever I want. Because just like what he said, to hell be with everyone, it ain't their life to live but mine. I felt so free and me. Well, not until another shit happened...

"Rule #16: At least look like you're not a murderer or something. Hey, are you even listening?"

I sighed and completely buried myself in the mini sofa where I was sitting. "Yes, I am," I even said without batting my cousin an eye.

"Sure you did. No wonder you still haven't gotten a single customer, not even one." She scoffed and slammed her palm on the glass table. At that moment, I slowly turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, not all people have good taste, you know." I slowly lowered the shades I was wearing down to the bridge of my nose. "And why would I lower myself to the likes of their standards?"

"Because you needed money, biatch! And can you fucking act according to your financial status?"

"Hey, Briar. Chill. We can't afford to differentiate the hot sauce and the gushing blood out of your exploded veins in our pizza if you keep screaming like that. Besides, our Naenia is priceless." My goth girl Rogue sure knows how to cut Briar's and my never ending war into an awkward silence. Although they themselves were childhood nemesis ever since they stabbed each other with a pencil when we were in Grade 2.

But anyway, that was then, and good thing Rogue is sitting next to my grumpy cousin who's now fuming red because of rage or... maybe because of humiliation.

Suddenly, our other schoolmates, who also seemed to be planning to have lunch here at the Pizza Shop next to the University, all looked in our direction.

Oh dear, what great timing! Potential customers!

In an instant, I flipped my long and wavy hair. I then fixed the hem of my white backless dress and made sure that it'll look good being topped with my black short vintage blazer. With that, I greeted them with a wide smile.

"Hello, good morning lovely human beings! College and yet still lazy? Are you really just planning to be a freeloader at home and not make an effort? Good thing an English Mage is here, Naenia Lovercraft! Your certified ghostwriter and academic commissioner!" I said sweetly and approached them and even gave them a light kiss on the cheek.

"Term Papers? Position Papers? Thesis? Essays? Poems? Novelettes? I can basically do anything because I'm not a helpless and pathetic brat who lacks the ability to do things. Remember, your laziness is my livelihood. So what are you waiting for? Give me your money or I will kill you-mphh rmphh phffm!"

I almost tasted where Briar last held her hand when she suddenly covered my mouth with it. She even kept saying sorry to them and then dragged me out of Cerberus Pizza Shop! Like ew and what the flying fuck?

"Can you please not do things that will get you arrested?" She hissed while pulling me, while Rogue just followed us laughing while carrying those remaining slices of Hawaiian pizza.

I actually wanted to ask for some, but Briar ended up lecturing me as if she gave birth to me. Saying I should respect my clients, be humble, learn to follow boundaries, and whatnot. So, Rogue ended up eating all the food, and when we arrived at the Uni, it was just in time for our class schedules. I also had to part ways with them and head to the Education building where my class was.

Well, I'm actually in my first year in Secondary Education Major in English, and if it wasn't for my dork cousin Briar, I would've been studying Mortuary Science in Yawaka City right now. It was my first choice, actually because I wanted to be a Funeral Director. But guess whose condoms got broken when you needed protection the most? Spoiler alert, it's Briar's father. So there, 19 years later and my damn cousin terminated my application to Yawaka University and enrolled me here in Cashmodeus Uni with my current course instead.

The reason? Simply because he doesn't want me to leave our hometown and bitch around in Yawaka. And look at him now that I successfully failed to depart, he just keeps on nagging about everything as if I wanted to live on the same roof as him for another year again. But anyway, let him rot, he doesn't deserve my stress.

I took a deep breath and gazed upon the broadness of the entire Cashmodeus University. The buildings really seem to be worlds apart from each other because of the pine trees and other ornamental freaks who look like they were representatives from Halloween Town. The dark grasses and the eerie fogs, the sound of every birch my foot broke upon taking another step and the thin air that seems to leave me breathless, everything really feels like I'm in a Horror Movie especially when my next class is the damn fucking Structures of English and I'm five minutes late!

Aaaahh! My dignity!

In a snap, I channeled my inner Cheetah and paced towards the bushes and landed completely unharmed at the unholiest doormat of the Education Department. Upon flaring my nostrils harshly, my biker boots made a dashing sound as I ran the corridors just to arrive at my class with all my might.

Only to be greeted by a lifeless classroom with people who were too occupied with their own businesses.

"Naenia, why are you only here now? Thank goodness Sir isn't here yet," my blockmate Cleo greeted me, wearing her black Motionless In White shirt and black high waist tattered pants. But instead of answering, I chose to catch my breath first. Once I calmed down, I immediately slumped into the adjacent armchair, and the latter innocently followed suit.

"Because Briar is being a bitch," I just replied to her earlier question and even held my temples, but when the rockstar girl beside me didn't move, I slightly glanced at her and realized she was just blinking repeatedly.

"Who is Briar again? Your dog?"

"Brylle is our dog, and Briar is my cousin. Dang it, Cleophyl Manson!"

She calmly nodded and glanced at me. "So how's your dog doing?"

My lips swung open and decided to just shove my head in the armchair instead. "Our dog is okay, but my Papu is not. He has lung cancer and is currently admitted at the hospital. Plus, we're so fucking broke," I answered absentmindedly and accepted the fact that I'd be with this one again all night. Although I love her and she's adorable sometimes, I still need someone with sanity.

Gosh, I really wish Rogue was in Educ, too, but she's in Fine Arts and their building is in a Far Faraway Land along with Shrek and Fiona. I couldn't even see a glimpse of her pretty pale face without us video calling.

So there, I spend my day again with my Cleo as I try to chase anyone who can become my potential clients. I even posted on all my social media accounts, but days have passed and I still couldn't get many. They really run away from me, like seriously, what am I? An evil witch?

"Apparently, the lost town's former name was Harribel and it was never seen again." I overheard during one of my classes but I couldn't give a single fuck because I'm too busy figuring out what was wrong with everyone for not getting any of my services yet! Come on, embrace your laziness and let me have money from it!

Resting my head on the cold vandalized wall, I found myself sighing for the nth time as I stared blankly at the cruel night skies. See, even the stars don't want to shine for me, and look how I just have three customers who happen to make me write an essay in Life and Works, a balanced argumentative essay for Foundation of Special and Inclusive Education and a freaking love letter. Like, ew. I should be doing my on-going gore novel right now but here am I trapped in other people's difficulty for cheap shits.

But well, it's not like I'm complaining since everything is for Papu, and if there's one similarity with my dipshit cousin, it's that we were both abandoned by our parents and our grandfather raised us. We both love him, and there's no question to that. The only thing that's just getting into my nerves is the reality that I need to socialize with people below me so that I can earn. Like, ugh!

They don't deserve any of this.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

I looked up when I felt the touch of the wind suddenly grow colder, along with the depth of the voice that spoke. But instead of getting scared, I just chuckled slightly.

"Oh please, make it a billion dollars."

I let that man wearing a white skull mask sit beside me, and a black cloak that looked like he came from a costume party. But what can I do, anyway? As much as I want to unwind on my own, Expression Valley is still a public place and is actually open for every entity who wanted somewhere to go for a relaxation or venting purposes. And it was actually just a few kilometers away from Cashmodeus Hospital where my Papu was admitted.

The vast area was filled with originally white thick walls with different lengths that are designed to be vandalized or painted or whatever, by anyone. There's a staircase for every thick wall so you can just climb at the top if you want a clearer view of the whole valley, facing the seashore. It was such a wonderful place that Papu introduced me to when I was 13 and I'm still loving it up until now.

"You're the Funeral Girl, right?"

For the second time, I rerouted my sight into his direction.

"How do you know my pen name?"

He chuckled, his voice as if it crawled up straight from the grave. "Who wouldn't know a fictional character murderer? Of course, you're the famous gore novelist who hasn't updated her on-going story for months now."

Right at the moment, I shrugged off my shoulders and took a glance at the dead cosmos. Biting my lips as I was trying to formulate the exact words to say.

"So you're one of my Egg Cells?" I beamed and faced him again with a wide smile.

"What? What Egg—"

"That's what I called my readers, duh!" A soft laugh made its way from my mouth as I jokingly punched the stranger in his left arm.

"And why would you call your readers Egg Cells?"

"You don't like it? Does the fandom named 'Cums' really sound better?" I held my chin and ignored him choking on his own saliva. Good thing he regained himself and slowly faced my direction.

"You're weird."

Oh, coming from a man who dressed like he was from Hueco Mundo.

"But anyway, what are you doing in a place like this at 3 A.M.?"

This time, it was my turn to give him a chuckle as I flipped some strands of my hair. "Because some cousin won't stop preaching to me on how to be a decent ghostwriter and academic commissioner. Also on how to win a customer's heart."

"Like, respect the clients and be good to them so that they'll be good to me too? So they'll avail my service? Saying that nobody would help me if I won't help them shits, and I should do to them what I wanted them to do to me?" I scoffed and pointed at myself.

"Dude, it's like wanting to find someone who loves you as much as you love yourself. And it's a shame because everything is just a paraphrased sentence for 'I'm a Narcissist.'" I rolled my eyes.

"Yet I'm being hated because I'm straightforward." I sighed but he just shook his head. Maybe processing my brilliance or something but nevermind. Now that he mentioned it, I suddenly remembered that Aleng Angela asked me to buy something for her at the nearby convenience store.

She's our neighbor and was kind enough to help Briar and me in watching over Papu at the hospital. So despite the fact that I am not a freaking errand girl, I'll just let her pass. I was about to stand up, but I just froze in my spot because of his reply.

"I can actually give you money, you know."

"Pardon?" I faced him again while still holding my chest.

"I'll just have to buy you and your work, right?"

I blinked repeatedly and stared at him seriously. "W-well, I'll have to write for you and you're going to pay, but I'm not included—"

"No, I'll buy you and your works."

Wait, noo!