BEHOLD HIS RESOLVE

Chapter 21

Behind His Resolve

He came closer to where I was lying, his gaze solely on me now.

I couldn't breathe just by staring closely at him and I wondered what he was doing to me.

I wanted to speak but my words died down in my throat, it was harder than I ever imagined and it looked worse.

Why him again?! Why did he come again?!

Did he feel my pain?! A lot of thoughts were running through my mind and my heart ached from them.

His presence loomed without a word, heavy in the silence that followed.

He spoke my name like a breath caught between teeth.

“What happened now?! What did you do again?!”

His voice sounded like someone that was tired already or maybe, frustrated from all the troubles.

“I fell,” I replied softly. “It was an accident.”

He looked at me with a tightened face as though I did something that no one should.

But, why did he care?! Is this even care or something else I was afraid to say?!

He dropped down, hovering near me while his gaze moved slowly, first across my shin, then the raw spot above my kneecap, finally settling on the bulge puffing up around my ankle.

“You were told to rest,” he said sharply. “You were told not to wander about..”

“I was just in the garden,” I argued weakly. “I needed air.”

“You need to obey,” he snapped, looking straight into my eyes.

Just then, he lifted me up with his arms around my back.

My breath caught when Kaius lifted me up like I weighed nothing.

My shoulders and under my were slamming against ribs without warning from the sudden lift.

“Kaius… ” I started.

He murmured hush while shifting his steps, he headed straight to my chambers.

I saw how Paula reacted like I was getting punished.

She held her arms together as though apologizing, but she hid by the corner, not wanting him to notice her.

I looked back and saw the guard on his knees, eyes fixed to the ground. Still as a statue, Paula held her breath, fingers locked around one another.

Kaius stopped in his steps, still carrying me in his arms.

“I’ll be back…” Kaius said. “You may return to your duties.”

Paula breathed softly now as though she has been holding her breath the whole time.

Every step forward made it clearer just how near he was to my chambers.

The warmth coming off him slipped into me and it turned into something I couldn't explain.

I felt like a feather in his arms, as he moved with ease. My weight did not slow him down one bit.

Still, his fingers clamped down hard, holding me in place.

After walking some paces, his voice broke the silence.

“Don't do what you did today again. Don't disobey my orders again.. “

He didn't speak harshly, his voice was slow and sounded as though he was scared for me.

I blinked. “You were scared?”

He scoffed. “Don’t twist my words.”

Inside the hall, the guards and maids out of our way fast, with their eyes down. Murmurs trailed behind, but nobody said a word directly.

He held me tighter as though I was going to break free from him.

“You should be in bed,” he continued. “Not walking around like nothing is wrong.”

“I can’t just lie there all day,” I said quietly. “I feel trapped.”

“That is not my concern,” he replied harshly. “Your health is.”

His face caught my eye and he looked at me.

I could see the anger and fear at the same time in his eyes.

“You didn’t have to shout at the guard,” I said softly. “He was only trying to help.”

Kaius stopped walking.

Everything stopped so fast it stole the air from my lungs.

“He forgot his place,” Kaius said coldly. “And so did you.”

I frowned. “I am not an object.”

A moment passed before he looked at me with everything in him. I sensed it.

“Then stop acting like you don’t matter,” he said quietly.

There was silence for a while.

My breath caught, unable to get a reply.

Soon we got to my chambers and he nudged the door wide using his shoulder, stepping through without letting go.

He placed me softly on the bed and then his fingers caressed my face, but he drew back almost immediately.

He moved back, his both hands by his sides.

“You will rest,” he ordered. “No more gardens. No more wandering.”

If I refuse? My question came out soft, almost silent.

His expression hardened. “Then I will carry you back every time.”

He looked away immediately, as though the word slipped out without him wanting it.

“Kaius,” I called, but he was already at the door.

He stopped at the doorway, but didn't glance back at me.

“Thank you ..” I muttered softly, hoping he would gaze at me one last time, but he didn't.

His shoulders stiffened.

“This changes nothing,” he replied coldly. “Remember that.”

Then he left and shut the door behind him.

It echoed, bouncing off the walls.

A dull ache pulsed through my leg. It wasn't only the injury, my chest tightened as well, longing for him.

My mind was now clouded with the thoughts of him, the way he carried me, his voice, it was all making me crazy.

His words carried rage and concern at the same time, even though he was acting tough, I saw the way he broke because of me.

I curled over my pillow, trying to shut his thoughts out, but I couldn't. It kept coming every time.

Fighting didn’t help. Kaius could resist all he liked, I knew the pull wasn't only dragging me. It was working on both of us.

I finally came down from the bed, I wondered why Paula didn't come again after Kaius left.

Did he tell her to go?! I thought.

The palace looked different now that it was late.

I walked outside, to the corridor.

The torches along the corridor burned lower, their flames were steady. Even the guards spoke less, boots striking stone with care, like sound itself had rules after dark.

Then, I motioned to Kaius’ chambers, and when I got there, I stood outside the door longer than I meant to.

My hand hovered over the handle and then I dropped them, thinking of what to do.

I told myself I was here to apologize. For disobeying him. For the garden. For the fall. For existing in ways that kept pulling his anger loose.

I opened the door without resistance, and I went in but his room was empty.

I stepped inside slowly, closing the door behind me. The space felt different from mine, it looked different from the last time.

A desk sat near the window.

That's where my feet carried me.

Books were stacked there, thick ones, worn at the edges.

I hesitated, then touched the top one. It opened easily, as though it had been read often.

Names filled the pages and some were crossed out, others circled.

My chest tightened.

I flipped another page and I saw more names written on them.

Some had a mark beside them that I didn’t understand, then I heard someone speak behind me.

“What are you doing here?!”

I jerked so hard the book nearly fell from my hands.

“I… I came to apologize and…”

The words tangled, tripping over each other as I turned.

Kaius stood behind me. I hadn’t heard the door open.

His cloak was gone. His sleeves rolled back. There was something sharp in his eyes, something unsettled, like he’d walked in already angry and found a reason.

I tried again. “I shouldn’t have come without asking. I just…”

He crossed the distance between us in two strides.

His hand came to my jaw and my breath stalled. I barely had time to look up before his mouth was on mine.

It wasn’t soft, slow and was too sudden.

I froze.

Then he pulled away just as fast as he did.

“Get out.”

He was loud but I didn't see anger in his eyes.

I jerked but I didn't move an inch, I wanted to see what he'll do next. I wanted to disobey again this time around.

Something in me snapped.

“No.”

The word came out before I weighed it.

His head turned slowly. “Leave. Now.”

“I won’t,” I said, my hands curling at my sides. My heart hammered, but my feet stayed rooted. “You don’t get to do that and then tell me to disappear.”

There was silence for a while.

His jaw tightened. I saw it. The struggle wasn’t subtle. It was written across his face, across the way his shoulders went rigid, like he was holding something back with force alone.

“Adelaide,” he warned.

“You kissed me,” I said quietly. “Then you shouted. Which one am I supposed to understand?”

For a moment, I thought he might say something.

Instead, he turned and didn’t answer me. He didn’t look at me again.

He walked past, straight to the bathroom, and shut the door behind him hard enough to shake the walls.