Chapter 8 : My History

*Estelle*

"Estelle? Where are you going?"

I paused, despite myself. It was Val's voice. I should have pretended I hadn't heard him, but it was too late now. The smile fell from his face as he approached me.

"What?" I asked hoarsely. I wiped uselessly at my eyes and tried to compose myself.

"What happened?" he asked.

I threw my hands up helplessly and let out a humorless laugh. "Gabe."

"What happened now?" Val seemed equal parts concerned and annoyed.

"He threatened to keep me locked in my room if I tried to leave," I sniffled and hated myself for how pathetic it sounded. "Why won't he just let me leave?"

"Why did he say that?" Val asked. "He wouldn't make that threat unprompted."

"According to Charles, the pack doesn't want me as their Luna. He told Gabe to reject me. I said if that was the case, I should just go home. If I'm not wanted here, then there's no reason for me to stay," I explained.

"Charles said that? He used the word reject?"

The tone of Val's voice told me that I'd missed something significant. I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to calm myself down. It didn't do much good.

"Yes," I said. "He said that Gabe should reject me for the good of the pack."

"Why would he say that? The pack hasn't even met you, yet." Val was frowning deeply.

I tilted my head slightly. I wondered that too. I'd only met four people since Gabe had brought me here. Of those four, I'd only had extended conversations with Val and Isolde. How could rumors have circulated so quickly?

"It doesn't make sense," I said softly. "Why would he say it, then?"

"I have no idea," Val said. "But I'll try to find out. Gabe must be upset. He takes Charles's opinion very seriously."

"It doesn't matter," I muttered. "I'm not staying."

"Where are you going to go?" he asked curiously.

I pointed toward the trail through the forest. "That way, and if I get killed, so be it."

Val looked amused. "You won't get killed. This is our territory. There's nothing in these forests that could pose a threat to you."

"Are you sure?" I couldn't have imagined being followed this morning. Something was absolutely trailing me and according to my wolf, it had bad intentions.

"Very. The perimeter is clearly marked and guarded by members of the pack. You must have seen them at the checkpoint when you drove in," he said. He was giving me a curious look.

"I didn't see anyone," I said. "I must have been asleep for that."

"Well, you could leave if you wanted to. The guards would try to convince you not to, but they wouldn't dare put a hand on you. But why are you in such a rush to leave?" he asked. His tone was so calm and conversational that it calmed the sense of immediacy that had led me this far.

I shrugged a little. "I don't like being told what I can and can't do." It was the easiest way to say it without getting into anything serious. I didn't have the energy to try to explain myself right now.

"If you stay, there's a lot you can learn here. Isn't it worth spending a few more days just for that? You're young; you've just started to shift. You must have a million questions."

He was right. I hadn't even considered that I'd be giving up the opportunity to learn more about myself if I left now. If I didn't learn more about what I was, then I'd probably end up in some very difficult situations in the not too distant future. I remembered my fear when I woke up in the nude after shifting for the first time. I didn't want to go through something like that again.

"If you talk to Gabe, I'm sure you two can reach an agreement. I know he can be abrasive, but he really isn't as bad as he seems." He smiled reassuringly at me, but I didn't trust it.

"Of course you'd say that," I said suspiciously. "He'd be pissed if he found out you let me leave."

"Probably," he said. "But that's not why I'm saying it. I'm sure that you're going through a lot right now, and it can be difficult to make good decisions when emotions are running high."

"How old are you?" I asked suddenly.

Val was too calm about everything, and far too good at cutting to the heart of the matter. He reminded me of my favorite social workers at the group homes. There was no way he was the same age as Gabe or me.

He laughed. "I'm 30," he said with a smile.

I frowned. "Doesn't it bother you being second in command to someone so much younger?" I asked.

"Not really," he said. "I'm not a natural leader. I know that I would be overwhelmed if I were in Gabe's position. I don't envy him at all."

That made me pause. I hadn't really considered that Gabe was in a difficult position. Being told that you have to give up your mate because of your responsibilities to your family couldn't be easy. Being told that by your father figure had to make it even harder to hear. Maybe I did owe him at least a conversation.

"Fine," I said softly. "I'll talk to him."

Val just nodded. "We could get you something to eat first," he offered. "It would give you a little more time to calm down and think things through. Besides, no one should go into a negotiation hungry."

"I'm starving, actually," I said sheepishly.

He smiled and motioned for me to follow him. I glanced at the trail one more time before doing so. As we walked, people greeted Val with waves and respectful head nods. It was weird, seeing the way people reacted to him with such friendly ease. I could never see myself being that confident. I envied him.

We stopped at a small restaurant near the inn. The man behind the counter absolutely beamed when he saw us. "Val!" he called out. He hurried from behind the counter and clasped Val's arm in a firm shake. "How are you?"

"Well," Val said happily. "Just a bit hungry."

"You're in the right place," the man said. "Have a seat, I'll get you some coffee."

"A few sandwiches too," Val said.

The man nodded and rushed off. Val pulled a chair out for me at a nearby table. I sat and glanced around. The place was cozy, if a little sparse. I could smell coffee brewing after a few seconds, and the invigorating smell made me realize just how tired I was. I was embarrassed by the thought that I may have reacted so violently this morning because I was tired and hungry.

Val didn't try to make small talk, and I appreciated it. When the food came, I dug into it and immediately felt better. I took my time drinking the coffee, and I was sure that it was clear to Val that I was stalling. When the liquid had gone cold, I was out of excuses. I followed Val back to the main house and waited in the foyer while he talked to Gabe. I felt like a child being taken to the principal's office.

I briefly considered chickening out and sneaking back to the inn with my tail between my legs. Before I could make up my mind, Val opened the door to the meeting room and poked his head out. He gave me a reassuring smile, then held the door open for me.

I kept my eyes down as I made my way inside. I could sense Gabe's eyes on me, but I was too embarrassed to meet his gaze. I sat in the same chair I'd used this morning and waited for him to speak.

"Val tells me you nearly ran off into the woods again," he said after several awkward moments of silence.

"I was going to, but he stopped me," I admitted.

"Do you hate it here so much?" he asked as he took his seat beside me.

"I don't hate it here," I said. "I think it's a beautiful village. I just don't want to be forced to stay." I lifted my head and glanced at him. He had his hands steepled together with his fingertips pressed to his lips. He looked to be in deep thought. "It could be a literal palace and it would feel like hell to me if I were forced to stay."

"You value your freedom," he said after a pause. "I can understand that. My intentions don't make a difference to you."

"Not really," I said softly. "I don't understand this force that's pulling us together and I don't understand pack life. That's all true and I know that it frustrates you. But you don't understand the world I come from either."

"Make me understand it," he said. "I want to know why you were so upset by what I said this morning."

I was surprised to hear him say that. I honestly didn't think he cared to know anything about me. I assumed that he wanted me to assimilate into pack life and leave my own behind completely.

"I was abandoned as a newborn," I said softly. "So, I spent my entire life in the foster care system. I wasn't lucky enough to be adopted. I moved from home to home all the time. No one ever kept me around for very long. Foster parents get paid a small stipend by the state to care for the children they take in. Some foster parents are great, but others saw kids like me as a paycheck."

The look on Gabe's face was impossible to read, as usual, but I saw his nostrils flare as I spoke. It might've been my imagination, but I thought that last statement made him angry.

"It wasn't uncommon to end up in a home where I was locked in my room alone most of the time. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere besides school. My movements were monitored and regulated. I didn't get a say. I was told it was to keep me safe." I shrugged, trying to keep the calm that I had entered the room with. "The lack of control was hard. When I turned eighteen, I was thrilled just to have the freedom to make my own choices and move around on my own. I just wanted to have control of my own life."

"I don't want to take your freedom," he said quietly. "I want to keep you near me so that I can keep you safe. The rogue wolf that attacked you is likely not the only one that is after you. Someone has sent them for you, and I do not know who or why." I could tell by how tense his tone was that it was hard for him to admit that. "Can we make a deal?" he asked.

I frowned, but nodded slightly. "What do you have in mind?"

"Stay with the pack for one month. Give me time to find out what is happening and eliminate this threat. In the meantime, you can learn about your heritage. If at the end of the month you still want to leave, I will take you home."

It was a tempting offer. There was so much more for me to learn. I knew that we had barely scratched the surface. I was confident that I'd be safe here, as long as Gabe wasn't too far from me.

"One month. Not a day more?" I asked.

It felt too reasonable in light of the way we had both behaved this morning. I couldn't help but feel skeptical. Gabe looked me in the eye and I swore a ghost of a smile crossed his lips.

"You have my word."