Red Lines

Tears rolled down my face.

My life was over. 

I smoothed the crumpled bedsheet beside me, sniffing the last of his scent on the pillow he used. And then I closed my eyes so tight that it was so hard not to sob. My throat was swelling and. my heart was racing. How could such a wonderful thing end so easily and then plummet to the brink of sadness and despair? What would I do after all that happened?

My inner wolf felt awful as well. She made sure to hide deep within me. She never wanted to add to the emotional burden I was already suffering because of the recklessness I showed.

Sobs emerged from my throat. I embraced the soft cashmere blanket against my bruised skin. Every inch of me was aching. My eyes caught the blood stain on the bedsheet, making me shudder in pain. Goddess, it was tormenting. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. I thought my heart was already numb from all the heartbreaks I suffered from loving him. However, because of my own foolishness, everything that happened between me and him that night became a profound wake-up call for me.

He will never be yours, Giselle. I whispered inside my head. I had already exhausted all possibilities, leaving only the bitter truth I could taste at the back of my tongue.

I was never enough. I will never always be enough.

I bit my lower lip hard. I bit my lower lip so forcefully that I nearly tasted blood, causing a sudden surge of anger in my chest. It burned the miserable feeling in me and acted like gasoline that pumped throughout my veins, urging me to go out of bed and snatch all my clothes from the floor. In his room, I was totally alone. He left me without a word, and I thought it was okay. I thought it would be better if I didn’t have to see his face once I left his condo unit and disappeared from his life forever.

I put my clothes on with anger and shivering fingers, and I checked my face in the mirror first. My eyes were puffy and red, and there were bruises visible on my arms and the right side of my neck. Last night was wild and intoxicating. Blissful and thrilling. But then morning came, and everything turned bleak and awful, and I just wanted to forget every bit of memory of it. 

But it did happen. Every second of it was tattooed on my head, causing the tears to run freely down my pale cheeks. The delicious sound of his voice when he whimpered my name. His touch made me feel so delicate and weak. I felt like I was melting butter under his flawlessly sculpted body. He was so handsome. It was as if the gods had molded him into perfection, and no woman could ever resist the animal magnetism of that man!

I shut my eyes tight. 

Well, perhaps not my sister, who had a stone for a heart. But it was aggravating that I was not exempted from being a crazy girl who fell in love with a man like him.

“Screw you, Caden!” I snarled under my shivering breath, then punched the mirror with all my strength, only to channel the pain away from my heart and down to the bleeding knuckles of my small hands.

I could feel the weight of the world falling on my shoulders.

***

[One month later.]

“No, Madelyn. I can’t go out tonight! I have to finish this project before the deadline, okay?” I kept my voice calm as I talked to my best friend, Madelyn, over the phone. I met her two years ago at an art viewing in one of the city's museums. She had been insisting on taking me out of the house since last week because, apparently, I now have a habit of imprisoning myself inside my small, old apartment full of canvases, dirty paintbrushes, and tin cans of paint. 

Yes. I sell paintings for a living.

“You have been sick for days, Giselle. You have to get out of your small den and breathe some fresh air, for goddess' sake! I am scared your brain has already melted with the fumes of those paint chemicals!”

I poured black coffee on my mug and smiled despite my friend’s anxious voice. She was always overprotective of me. I owe her a lot after I ran away from the pack and home. “Tomorrow. I swear. I am feeling great today, so I will pour all this positive energy into my work and finish it before the deadline. Then I’ll treat you to a nice cup of coffee this weekend. Is that good?” I made my voice as cheerful as possible and then took a small sip. 

The bitter drink spread all over my mouth, and I almost gagged at the taste. Madelyn heard me and then went into total panic. “Giselle?! Are you alright?! What happened?”

“I’m fine. It’s just the coffee. I forgot the sugar and cream.” I lied to her. The coffee was fine. I just couldn’t understand why my stomach didn’t want it anymore when I used to drink it every morning. “See you later, Madz.”

Before she could even speak again, I hung up the phone and placed the mug on the small wooden dining table. I went straight to the toilet and opened the medicine cabinet. There was a force telling me to open it and take something from it.

I felt like my heart crawled up to my throat.

“Maybe I am just paranoid,” I whispered to myself, but I still took the small white packet. I looked at myself in the mirror and moved sideways, focusing my eyes on my tummy. Then I touched it. I felt it in the palm of my hand, with a scared feeling in my chest.

It couldn’t be.

“It was just a one-night thing! No one gets pregnant like that,” I uttered in a shaky voice, my eyes full of dread as I looked at my face in the mirror. I was too scared to know the truth. I was not ready.

I put the packet of pregnancy tests on the sink, thinking about throwing it in the trash. But then, with shuddering fingers, I took it and tore the plastic packaging.

“There is only one way to find out.” I breathed desperately, trying to find the courage to do it. My heart was fast, beating wildly against my chest, and I could hear it inside my ear as it throbbed. Softly at first, and then it became louder and louder until I couldn’t hear anything but the thumping of my own heartbeat.

Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum.

Each second that I anxiously stayed inside the toilet made me want to scream. I watched how the red line on the test kit appeared. I held my breath for as long as I could. As if breathing would make the scariest result appear right in front of me.

And it did.

“F*CK!!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs and threw the pregnancy kit on the other side of the tiled wall. “No! This isn’t happening... THIS. IS. NOT. HAPPENING!”

No. No. No. No. No!

I heard a loud knock on the door, but I was too weak to go and open it. I sat on the toilet bowl while cold sweat beaded my forehead. I was so confused. I couldn’t believe that one night of mistakes could create something inside me that fast. 

I didn’t know if I could raise a child now that I had removed myself from my former pack. I had no one to help me now but my best friend Madelyn, who I was sure would faint once she found out about the truth. About what actually happened.

About how Alpha Caden just disappeared like a ghost after he took my virginity that night at my sister’s engagement party.