"I'll be there in 30 minutes. Nasa bahay pa 'ko. Inform Mr. Cho that I would be busy this week, I have no time for his complaints . . . Yes . . . Confirmed. Plus, remove my 9th appointment."
I am now a captive, jailed in his mansion walls. I can sense the setting sun, but I want to go in the woods away. I want to escape. Always have been.
Narinig ko ang pagtatapos ng usapan. In my peripheral view, I saw him put his phone in his pocket. Bahagya siyang lumapit.
"Aalis na 'ko. Manang Ymir is downstairs, you can approach her if you need something."
Inilapag ko ang hawak kong MAC lipstick sa bedside table at hinarap siya. Sa simpleng pagtatama ng aming mga mata ay para na akong hinihigop, isinasalang sa nagbabagang lutuan. Hindi nagbago ang epekto niya sa akin. Pero kung may pinagkaiba man noon at ngayon, ngayon ay wala na akong pakialam anumang klase ng emosyon ang kaya niyang ihatid sa akin.
Tiningnan ko ang aking mga kuko na nangangailangan na ng manicure. "What if I ask her to let me go because that's actually the only thing I want, would she let me?"
"Manong Eren and Manong Reiner is in-charge of the gate," Lord replied. Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko, p*****a. "Don't try to leave the house. Mamayang hapon pa ang uwi ko at baka medyo gabihin ako. Don't wait, just in case."
Umismid ako. "As if, kahit huwag ka nang umuwi, Mr. Lord Lavigne. At kung tungkol naman diyan sa dalawa mong guwardiya, I can seduce them enough to make the gate wide open for me. How about that?"
Walang-buhay ang mata niyang tumingin sa akin. Taliwas ito sa klase ng mga mata na nakilala ko noon. "You're 23. Huwag nang matigas ang ulo, Hid."
"Don't call me Hid," I aggressively reacted. "Hindi por que asawa kita ay close na tayo. Tandaan mo, sa papel lang 'yon."
He remained stoic despite my insensitivity. "You talk like an idiot."
"Of course, I talk like an idiot. Otherwise how could you understand me?"
Sa huli ay nagpakawala na lang siya ng hangin. "I can give you everything you need, even freedom. But the freedom you are asking is beyond the limitation. You are free in doing anything inside the house, free in giving orders, free in getting and using anything you want. Pero ang lumabas at pumunta sa kung saan, hindi ko mapahihintulutan."
Gusto kong matawa, iyong malakas at puno ng sarkasmo, pero pinili kong manatiling walang-reaksiyon. "The Lord Lavigne, stupid enough to give me the kind of freedom I don't even need. Kung ano pa 'yung kalayaan na gusto ko, siya namang ipinagkakait. What's the use?"
"Enough." Ang seryoso niyang boses ang nagpatigil sa akin sa pagsasalita. "Akala mo ba ay palagi ka na lang nasusunod? Palagi ka na lang tama? Ayaw mong may nagtuturo sa'yo, o may nagsasabi ng dapat mong gawin. How perfect can you be?"
"Oh!" Tumawa ako at tumalikod. Padaskol akong humiga sa kama at nagtalukbong ng kumot. "I can't be perfect, especially that marrying you have already made the devils laugh."
I don't remember the details how our not-so-normal discussion came to an end. Basta ang alam ko ay napainit ko na naman ang ulo ng asawa ko sa umaga ring ito. Uh, the term 'asawa' urges me to shriek.
Well, I grew up having these kinds of conversation with other people, and sometimes worse. Aminado akong wala akong kuwentang kausap para sa iba. 'Nga lang, hindi ako magbabago para sa kanila.
Those close-minded people never understand me, no single person ever did. My mom, she seldom understood me, but she's the best in my circle. She taught me that sometimes, there are things we don't understand but still respect them.
Hindi ko nga lang alam kung bakit noong tinalikuran na siya ng mundo ay bumaliktad na rin ang mga paniniwala niya, at 'yun ang iniwan niya sa'king alaala. Not only she left memories, she also left a single belief that I need to carry wherever I am.
For one, I felt disappointed how she managed to inflict me her developed reasoning. But when I already lost her, even without anyone reminding, I chose to heed her words.
"Never let anyone tell you what to do or what to say. Never let anyone control you. You should never be surpassed by anybody. Because all my life I have been caged in my weakness, and I was under the subjection of the rulers who aren't even righteous from the first place. You, Hid, should never attempt to touch the trace of my footsteps. You go to the opposite direction, you should rule. If I grew up treated worse than a peasant, you should live your life with sovereignty. DON'T BE LIKE ME, and I hope you won't disappoint me. Heather Cassia, my one and only daughter, remember: Even though you are wrong, you are right."
•••
Mistulang dumoble ang bagal ng pag-ikot ng orasan habang pinagmamasdan ko ang paggalaw nito. Nakakatawang inuubos ko ngayon ang walangkuwenta kong buhay sa paghihintay na kainin ng dilim ang liwanag at ang muling pagdalaw ng antok sa akin. Kung hindi man, tutunganga lang ako sa isang baso ng mainit na kape at hihintaying mawalan ito ng usok.
Nang sumagad ang kamay ng orasan sa ika-alas-dose ng tanghali ay tinawag ko na si Manang Ymir.
"Pakihanda ang tanghalian," utos ko agad. "Si Lord ba, hindi uuwi?"
Saglit na tumigil si manang sa pagsasalin ng ulam sa mas maliit na mangkok. "Hindi po siya nagsasabi, Ma'am."
Umikot ang mata ko. "Kalimutan mong tinanong ko 'yon." Walang-gana kong isinubo ang isang hiwa ng steak. "Gusto ko lang malaman nang makaalis na ako agad dito sa lamesa kung sakali mang dito siya manananghalian."
Nang maihanda ang mansanas ay inilapag niya ito sa harapan ko. Kinuha ko ito at kinagatan. Hindi na ako nag-abalang magpasalamat at pinakatitigan na lamang ang malawak na kisame.
"I miss travelling. Madalas kapag ganitong oras, naglalalad-lakad lang ako sa isang 187-foot na yacht habang hawak-hawak ang paborito kong Caffé Americano. Ngayon, heto ako't nakakulong sa loob ng matataas na pader ng mansion ng isang Lord Lavigne. Ni ayaw akong palabasin kahit saglit lang." Napailing ako. "Unbelievable. Gripuhan ko 'yon sa leeg 'pag natutulog, e."
Napansin kong natigilan si Manang Ymir sa pagpupunas ng kung ano sa built-in cabinet at gulat na lumingon sa akin.
"What?" angil ko. Tumayo akong bigla at humarap sa kanya, 'yung malinaw na nakikita niya ang aking kabuoan. "Look at these clothes. They are cheap! Oh, ito." Itinuro ko ang suot kong pajama. "May himulmol pa sa laylayan. Saang ukay-ukay niya ba ito nakuha? Tell me, Manang Ymir. Pang-3 for 100 lang ba ang kagandahan ko? Ganitong-ganito ang mga paborito ng mga katulong noon sa mansion, e. Lord Lavigne is hopeless! Magmumukha akong dukha at dugyutin kapag hahayaan ko siyang manipulahin ang buhay ko. Baka akalain pa nilang taga-squatter area ako at nakatira sa barong-barong." Umasim nang husto ang mukha ko habang iniisip iyon. "Not a chance."
Humalukipkip ako at tinapunan ng tingin si Manang Ymir nang marinig ko ang pagbuga niya ng hangin.
"Galing po ako sa squatter area at tumira ako sa barong-barong. Pinagtagpi-tagping karton lamang ang aming dingding at lumang tela ang aming bubungan."
Mariing nagdikit ang labi ko nang marinig iyon. I know myself that I offended her, but apologizing is the last thing that a Heather Cassia Del Puerto would do. I will never say 'I'm sorry' and 'I was wrong'. Like, never.
"That's absolutely fine," I replied. "Lumaki kang mahirap, wala kang dapat ipag-adjust. But my case is different. Lumaki akong may gintong-kutsara sa bibig. Hindi ako umuulit ng damit. Ang phone ko pa halimbawa, gaano man kamahal o kaganda, kapag dumikit na sa lupa ay itatapon ko na. I lived a luxurious life. Hindi ganito!" I opened my arms outstretched, emphasizing how much this life disgusts me.
"Pasensiya ka na, Ma'am Heather. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka tutulungan."
Hinawi ko ang buhok ko at ngumiti nang matamis. Lumapit ako sa kinaroroonan niya at namaywang sa kanyang gilid.
"Actually, alam ko kung paano. Ni hindi ka tutuluan ng pawis sa sobrang dali."
She stopped from what she's doing and faced me. "Anong klaseng tulong?"
The right side of my lips curved upward. I guess this is victory. "Let me go. Tell those guards outside that Lord permits me to go."
"P-pero—"
"Salamat!" I clapped my hands. "Magbibihis lang ako." Excited akong nag-martsa paalis ng kusina.
Nasa kalagitnaan pa lamang ako ng pag-akyat sa hagdan nang makarinig ako ng papalapit na andar ng sasakyan. Ora-orada akong bumaba at sumilip sa bintanang malapit sa garahe.
Parang nalukot ang mukha ko nang makitang sasakyan iyon ni Lord. Nang makababa siya ay umikot siya at pinagbuksan ang sinumang nasa loob.
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ang isang babae na lumabas mula rito. She's wearing a blue fitted dress. Halos lumuwa ang mga dibdib nito sa suot at sa sobrang ikli nito ay baka mag-mistula lang na long blouse kapag ako ang nagsuot. In fairness, hindi siya matangkad. Isa siyang mushroom.
And why am I judging her?!
Nagsimula akong maalarma nang makitang tumungo sila sa may pintuan. Holy Mary, he shouldn't bring a girl without informing me!
Dali-dali akong tumalikod at naglakad paakyat. Whoever that bitch is, she should not see me here.
Hindi ko pa man tuluyang naaakyat ang hagdanan nang marinig ko na ang boses niya mula sa ibaba.
"Hindi ko alam na ganito ang mansion mo, Lord. I can help you if you want to renovate it. Mas maganda pa rin 'pag sumasabay siya sa modernisasyon, hindi ba?"
Bumaba ako ng isang hakbang at humalukipkip. Sumandal ako sa hawakan at pinakatitigan ang babaeng ikinakalat ang paningin sa paligid.
"I know you are a great architect, Bridgette. I appreciate your suggestion."
May kung anong nagpantig sa tainga ko nang marinig ang malambing na pakikipag-usap ni Lord sa kasama. Ganyan, e. Ganyan na ganyan ang pakikipag-usap niya sa akin noon, tatlong taon na ang nakalipas.
Hindi ako umalis sa kinaroroonan ko hanggang sa dumapo sa akin ang paningin ng babae. Halatang nagulat siya nang makita ako.
"Lord, may bago ka palang katulong."
Katulong . . .Hindi ko napigilan ang pagsinghap sa narinig. Ni hindi ako nakapagsalita. Never in my life that I am mistaken as katulong. Nothing is wrong for being a maid, but it came out from her dirty mouth as an insult.Nang mag-angat ng tingin si Lord ay hindi nagbago ang reaksiyon niya. He looked at his watch and slightly loosened up his tie.I headed downstairs. Alam kong alam ng babaeng kasama niya na hindi ako katulong. Baka hindi niya lang kasi matanggap na kahit ganito lang ang suot ko, kapag pinagtabi kami ay magmumukha siyang basahan. Partida, wala pa akong ligo."Magandang tanghali, Sir Lavigne." Nakangiti akong lumapit. "Dito ba kayo manananghalian ng kasama n'yo?"Nangunot ang noo niya. Matagal na rin mula nang huli niya akong nakitang ngumiti nang ganito. Ang kaso, mukhang maalam na siya sa pag-distinguish ng peke sa totoo."Oo, dito kami kakain." Ang kasama niyang babae ang sumagot. Kapansin-pansin ang mapanuri niyang mata sa akin na pabalik-balik mula ulo hanggang t
"May pros and cons ang pagiging matalino. Pros, they consider a lot of problems as mere mind games and are entertaining. They can invent something extraordinary and leave legacy. They can think logically even in a stress situation and can work well in a minimal supervision. Sometimes, they can stay cool even under pressure. Intelligent people are more likely to gain respect and preferences from people.""Indeed. Kapag matalino ka, marami kang magagawa. Marami kang matatanggap at malayo ang mararating mo.""Nevertheless, intelligence does not result pure advantages. Some people abuse their capability, and that's when the disadvantages occur. They stay away from people who make them feel stupid. Madalas din silang makakita ng mali sa iba, ng pagkukulang. They are also at risk of sounding arrogant because they think they're the best, they think they are superior of others. Consequently, it will hinder them from accepting suggestions and criticisms. They won't heed pieces of advice becaus
Panay ang lingon ko sa kanan at kaliwa habang nakikipag-argumento kay Manang Ymir. Pareho kami ngayong narito sa bukana ng grocery store at kanina ko pa ipinagpipilitang hindi ako p'wedeng sumama sa kanya sa loob.I never set a foot in a grocery store because all I had to do before is to list down everything I need and let the maids do the buying—when everything is still in its place. Kung lalabas man ako para bumili, 'yun ay kung para ito sa personal kong pag-aari kagaya ng mga damit, jewelry, cosmetics, gadgets, at iba pang luxury items.And that's exactly what I'm telling right now . . . for how many freaking times."Paano kung may makakilala sa akin? Ano na lang ang iisipin nila? Na wala na akong perang pambayad ng katulong at ako na mismo itong narito at nag-go-grocery? Come on, I'm not gonna escape. There's a boutique nearby, doon lang ako." Holy Mary, why is the world so airheaded?"Heather, nangako ka sa'kin kanina na hindi ka tatakas."I frustratedly massaged my forehead. "Ma
"BREAKING NEWS:Heather Cassia Del Puerto 'The Bitch', the daughter of Robert and Jezebel Del Puerto became a housemaid after being disowned by her father. Not to mention, she works now for the La Villamorés' owner-a former student and campus heartthrob of Aguiluz International University—Lord Lavigne."I'm torn between clapping my hands or bursting into a loud harsh cackle of laughter, so I just did both. At least, this reminds me that stupid people do exist when sometimes I fail to think they do.Trina only had the audacity to do this now that she thinks she's already above me. What an intoxication she put herself into. Should I pity her?Madalas na akong center of hatred noong college pa lang, pero wala ni isa ang nangahas na idamay ang pangalan ko sa AIU Trends, isa sa mga most famous page ng aking alma mater. Ang original group page name nito ay AIU Secret Files, pero mukhang naisipan din nila—kahit nakapagtatakang may isip sila—na very cliché iyon.Hindi rin naman ako masyadong
"Head Napa cabbage, kosher salt, ground pork, scallions, cilantro, soy sauce, fresh ginger, eggs, package round dumpling, wonton, or gyoza wrappers.""Those are?"My mom faced me and smilingly replied, "The main ingredients of your father's favorite pork dumpling.""Oww . . . kay?" I reacted stupidly, still trying to process what my mom wants me to do. "You're not gonna make me cook, are you?"She didn't reply. Itinuloy niya ang paghiwa ng kung anu-anong ingredients. Halatang gamay na niya ang paggawa ng mga ito."I let the maids do all the works except the kitchen. This is my place."I gave a nod. It's true, kitchen is one of my mother's kingdom. One of her dreams is to build a restaurant, but my father happened so . . ."Is this the reason why you summoned me here? Mom, you know kitchen is not my thing."Hindi ako pinansin ni mommy. Instead, she ordered me to do something. "Get the wrappers in the container.""Mommy!" I complained.Pinanlakihan niya lang ako ng mata. "Do it."I didn
Napaigtad ako nang tumama ang mamahaling flower vase ni mommy sa pader, ilang pulgada na lang mula sa balat ng aking braso. Tumalsik ang bawat pirasong bubog nito, nagkalat sa sahig. Malas lang ni dad, wala ni isa ang sumugat sa akin.With a face like a thunder, he slammed his fist down onto the table. His facial muscles are twitching, and he looked at me with those eyes seem to pop out."What did you do, Heather Cassia?!" We're in a wide four-cornered library room, and the sound of his voice etched in between of every single book in the bookshelves.Why is there a kind behavior to ask 'What did you do?!' after knowing what you actually did? Is it one of the ways to make us realize our own action and what it actually caused us?A lot of 'what did you do?' in the world and the one that has been said in a voice fuming with anger is something that shouldn't be answered.And, oh, he called me in my real name. That's not something I should ignore.So, I remained silent."Hindi ka namin hi
"Are you out of your mind, Hid? You think your suspension is not going to affect your record? What about your behavior? Ganiyan ba umasta ang isang Dean's Lister? Paano kung matanggal ka sa listahan? Paano kung hindi ka umabot sa summa cum laude? Paano kung—""Mom," I cut her off, "gusto ko nang matulog." Tumalikod na ako at nagsimulang humakbang papasok sa aking kuwarto."No, we talk!" Humarang siya sa aking pintuan. "You should apologize to you professor. My God, Hid. Major subject mo pa 'yon!""I don't say sorry to anyone, Mommy. Alam mo iyan."If there are two phrases I will never say in my life, these are 'I'm sorry', and 'I was wrong'. I will never feel sorry and will never feel wrong of my actions. Not a chance. Even if I do, I can always find a way to get away with it. I will never let anyone feel that they beat me, nor to see that I failed."But she's an exception! She's your professor, for goodness's sake!" diin ni mommy."The salvation of my pride considers no one," tamad k
Nagbunga ang gabing iyon, dalawang taon na ang nakalipas. Ang akala ko ay isang simpleng suspension lang ay nauwi sa kamalasang tumangay sa akin papunta sa buhay na impiyerno—papunta sa buhay ko ngayon.True, the past can't be undone, yet what is coming is better than what is gone. It's not late to use my head more wisely. Ah, did I just indirectly admit that I used my head less?Ipinilig ko ang aking ulo. I pushed myself to stand up. Usually, when I wake up, I feel like I am just letting the hands of the clock take me to bed again when darkness comes. Since I moved here, no single day that I anticipated the sun to shine.These past few days are too gloom, empty, boring, lifeless, name it. But today is another day. Not another day of doing the same annoying routine, but another day with a new life to offer.Halos liparin ko ang pintuan at tumalon mula sa barandilya ng palapag pababa sa first floor. Napakahaba pa naman ng hagdanan ng bahay na ito, aksaya sa oras. Kung tutuusin, mayroon