Prelude

Teacher gestured us to gather in front as she expertly shuffled the cards on her hands. “Alright, pupils. Maglalaro tayo, ha? Kung sinong makakasagot ng tama sa mga ipapakita kong Math flashcards ay may limang stars kay Teacher. At kung sino naman ang unang makakasagot ay bibigyan ko ng... chocolate!”

I rolled my eyes when my classmates raised their hands and cheered in excitement. Hindi pa man nagsisimula ay gusto na agad nilang sumagot, they look so eager but do they know how to answer? I don’t think so. Even me, I don’t like that subject so they’re probably just after the chocolate. 

Imbes na makigulo ay nanatili lang akong nakaupo. It’s not like I don’t want to participate, I just don’t want to waste my energy standing there in front. Maiinis lang ako kapag nasanggi ako ro’n ng makukulit kong mga kaklase. My mother once told me that teachers like well-behaved kids and that’s why I’m behaving right now. I’m behaving because I want her to choose me. Ayoko ng premyo ngunit gusto kong ako ang makasagot sa unang flashcard na ipapakita ni Teacher.

When the game started, the first flashcard was pretty hard and no one got the correct answer. The next one is three plus four, I counted fast with my fingers and the answer is seven! I raised my right hand as high as I could, expecting she’d choose me but… she didn’t. Teacher ignored me. She was busy paying attention to my noisy, sweet-toothed, and dumb classmates. Sino bang makasasagot nang tama sa kanila kung hindi naman talaga nila alam ang sagot at gusto lang mabigyan ng chocolate?

“Okay! Aven, what’s the correct answer?” The teacher asked sweetly to the boy who has thick brows and is always filthy. He’s also the most chaotic and naughty among us, so why did she choose him? Akala ko ba mahilig ang mga teachers sa mababait at well-behaved na mga bata? That kid was far from that!

“Seven po!” The boy snickered. Dumapo na kaagad ang mga mata nito sa teacher’s table at mukhang hinahanap na ang kaniyang premyo.

Simangot akong humalukipkip. Nawalan na ako ng ganang mag-participate dahil sa nangyari. Yes, I get it, he got the correct answer. Pero bakit hindi na lang ako? Alam ko rin naman ang tamang sagot, and aside from that, I behaved. I believe that’s a good reason for Teacher to choose me! Ako dapat ‘yon!

My tears started to peek out of my eyes, kaya naman sinunod ko ‘to ng pagpunas gamit ang mga palad ko. Why am I crying? I don’t have to cry. I shouldn’t be crying. Abala ako sa pagpupunas ng luha ko at hindi ko napansin na nakalapit na pala sa akin ang batang lalaki na nakasagot sa unang flashcard. Ilang beses pa itong kumurap bago magsalita.

“Bakit ka umiiyak?”

Hindi ako sumagot at tiningnan lang siya nang masama ngunit hindi niya ‘ata makuhang ayaw ko siyang kausap. Tinitigan niya pa ako nang matagal bago lumingon sa harap kung nasaan ang guro at ang iba pa naming mga kaklase. Then he pointed a finger at me and shouted, “Teacher, umiiyak po siya!”

Napatigil ako sa pag-iyak dahil sa gulat. Huli na nang maisipan kong tumanggi dahil mabilis na na-alarma ang guro namin at agad na lumapit sa amin. Teacher asked me what’s wrong or kung may masakit ba raw sa akin but I refused to say a word. Umiling lang ako ng umiling, denying that I cried kahit na panay pa rin ang pagtulo ng luha ko.

“Gusto mo ba ng chocolate?” tanong pa ng batang sumbungero. He’s looking at me like he didn’t do anything. Mukhang proud pa siya sa sarili niya na naisumbong niya kay Teacher na umiiyak ako! He smiled slightly as he played with his fingers.

“Huwag ka nang umiyak—” As he peeked on my name tag. “...Cindy. Sige, sa ‘yo na lang ‘yong chocolate ko.”

“Teacher, sa kaniya na lang po ‘yong chocolate ko. Okay lang naman po sa akin, hindi naman po ako iiyak, e. Bibili na lang po kami ni Mama mamaya.”

With that, the teacher once again complimented him for being such a considerate and generous boy. What does he mean by ‘hindi naman po ako iiyak’? That I am just a stupid sweet-toothed kid?! That my tears are shallow?! If I know, nagpapakitang-gilas lang naman siya. He’s fond of compliments, huh? Psh, what a loser.

And that was the first time I ever hated someone. Simula noong araw na ‘yon, hindi na siya nawala sa paningin ko. Kahit saan man ako magpunta, nakikita at nakakasama ko siya. It’s my worst nightmare—Oh, let me rephrase that. He was my worst nightmare.