"Oh, crap, Ellie! You scared the shit out of me."
"Huy, don't say bad words uy baka marinig iyan ni Baby Jeremy. Ano ba." Muntik na akong masamid sa sinasabi ni Ellie as I held back my laughter, "Excuse me, nabigla lang ako at ikaw itong hindi makontrol ang bunganga pag kaharap yung bata no. Malapit na namin i-donate sa charity laman ng swear jar, thanks to dear aunt Ellie's contribution." Ellie pretended not to hear anything and continues to write some work-related stuff in her notebook. "Hmmm... Kailangan baguhin ang schedule sa Tuesday, magco-coincide sa meeting niya." she got a bit busy for awhile then began talking to me again. "Kamusta na ang cute little baby boy na si Jeremy?" Bahagya akong napailing sa sinabi niya. Naalala ko kasi ang reaction ng anak ko tuwing sinasabi niya iyan. "You know he hates it when you call him that. He’s growing up na talaga." "But I love it! Kahit sixteen na siya o kahit ako ay maging lola na, Jeremy will always be my first inaanak and therefore, baby forever." she defended and I couldn't disagree at all because I feel the same way too. Ellie was there almost every step of the way. I had a very challenging time when I was pregnant pero may mga tao namang hindi ako iniwan and Ellie is one of them. I can be hateful toward Jake or constantly wished he was a better person and stayed with me but I chose not to, at imbes ay nagpapasalamat na lang sa mga taong sinamahan ako. "Kamusta na nga kasi si Baby Jeremy? Ano iyong chat mo kagabi na maaga kang umuwi to check on him?" "Nagkasugat kasi... May nang-away." "What? Sino? Sino! Bakit nang-aaway ng hindi nang-aaway! Gusto ng mga magulang suntukan na lang kami o ano?" "My goodness, Ellie. Chill. Nakausap ko naman na iyong parents.No use to talking to them, I tell you. Too overprotective at talagang pinakitang hindi ako gusto.” “Ang kakapal ng mukha, ha! Panipisin ko nga gamit nito.” She clasped her hand together. Handang-handa makipag-away ang tapang sa mukha. Gosh. I could never take her seriously. “Tumigil ka nga diyan. Don’t worry. I warned them.” “Ay, hindi, Cass! Hindi sapat ang warning. Dapat talaga dun, may revenge.” Ellie threw punches in the air with her imaginary opponent. Ibang-klase talaga ang energy ng babaeng ito, "Siguraduhin lang nila. Hindi ba nila alam na abogado tatay ni Jeremy." I glared at her. "Alam mo, ikaw. Sinabihan na kita. Let's avoid making jokes like that." Agad naman niya iyong binawi at nag-behave nang umupo. "Sorry," and then threw a single punch in the air again. "Bwisit na bwisit lang ako kasi araw-araw ko nakikita pagmumukha niya. Lakas pa ng loob na magdala ng babae!” I looked at her and she covered her mouth as if she said something she wasn't supposed to. "Okay lang ako, Ellie. I'm not as fragile as I used to be... kahit pa nga magdala siya ng babae kahit saan, I wouldn’t care.” "Ang daldal ko kasi, no? Wala naman talaga tayong pakialam sa personal na buhay nila. Work na lang tayo. Work, work, work!" I did my work too habang nagsusulat si Ellie. I like it when we spend time like this together. Yung pareho kaming focus sa trabaho kahit magkaiba naman ginagawa namin. We continued our quiet busy time. Her phone rang. She looked at me for a long time before answering the call. Sa tingin ko ay alam ko na sino iyon before she could even say it. Ellie stood and walked out of the room while she answered the call. "Yes, Attorney Tan," I heard her say before leaving. The mention of his name was enough for me to lose my focus. I wanted to avoid him or even hear his name pero magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong nakalimutan ko na siya. I tried to. God knows how hard I tried but I can't. In fact, the more I try, the more I think of him. Hindi ko lang kasi talaga maintindihan. It was so unfair. How can he easily leave me just like that? Bakit ako, ang tagal kong nakalimot? Memories of him still haunt me. Ngayon, hindi lang multo niya ang nagpaparamdam sa akin. He's just around the corner and my scars are begging not to see him, not now, not ever. "Ugh!" Ellie grunted when she returned. "Pwede ba mag-resign na lang? Baka naman pwedeng dito na lang ako magtrabaho, Cassy? Kaya ko, alam mo iyon!" "We both know you can, Ellie." I often keep my mouth shut for the sake of Ellie's privacy dahil alam kong ayaw na din niyang balikan ang nakaraan but I sometimes give her that gentle push, just enough to make her realize, "and we both know you wouldn't too." Ellie sighed and grunted and sighed again. I even hear the sound of a coming swear, "Putangina talaga!" Ah, there it is. "Ayaw ko talaga sa kaniya. Ayaw ko talaga sa kanilang lahat!" "Talaga?" I challenged, "despite what happened in Italy?" I teased her even more. Sakto lang ang timpla ng inis niya ngayon, perfect for light teasing. "Ikaw talaga ha," she pointed her finger at me aggressively which made me laugh even more, " Sabi ko sa iyo 'wag mo mabanggit-banggit pangalan ng lugar na iyan. Akala ko ba ‘Let's avoid making jokes like that’," she quoted while mocking what I said earlier at may kasabay pang ikot ng mata. "Hindi siya nage-exist sa mundo ko! Tse!" "Mag-aminan na lang kasi kayo. Why is no one making the next move" It's been a while since my friend last dated. Minsan, nagbibiro ako sa kanya na isang tao lang ang kayang i-tulak ni Jeremy sa wheelchair. "Ellie... you can't just pretend it didn't happen you know." Ellie started to fix her things. "But he did it first, Cassy." Mapait na lang akong napatawa, "He did it second, Ellie. Remember? Magkaiban nga talaga sila."“Baby, I have something to tell you.”Jeremy pouted as he moved closer. Ilang araw ko ding pinag-isipan kung paano sasabihin sa anak ko ang kondisyon niya. He knows something wasn’t right. Palagi niya akong tinatanong kung okay lang ako dahil masyado daw akong tahimik. Masyado kasing malalim ang iniisip ko because I don’t want him to panic. Ang ending tuloy, I’m causing him to worry.“I’m not a baby anymore, Mommy.”“Oh. Ngayon na gusto mong sabihin na hindi ka na baby, ayaw mo nang mag-Mimi sa akin.” I teased. “I have something to tell you but let’s wait for your Dad.”“Why do we have to wait for him?” “Because he also has something to tell you.”Saktong nag-ring naman ang doorbell. I opened the door and as expected, Jake was standing there. Kung anong tapang niya nung hinarap niya ang mga magulang ko, today was the opposite. Kahit nakangiti ay hindi niya maitago ang kaba. Eto talagang si Jacob ay si Jeremy lang ang kahinaan.“You arrived just in time. We were talking about you.”“R
“What do you mean Jeremy’s sick?” Papa said.Mama was so speechless that she couldn’t even speak. Kahit ako nay nahihirapang i-explain ang sitwasyon. I am so tempted to call Jake and let him do the explaining. He knows this disease more and he knows what can be done. Baka alam niya kung paano pakalmahin ang mga magulang ko because if it’s only me… hindi ko alam.“Not my apo.” Mama finally said something.Jeremy is taking a nap upstairs. I told Rina na huwag muna siyang pababain dahil kailangan naming mag-usap nina Mama at Papa.“Is this the reason bakit sinugod siya sa hospital?”“Yes. We’ll have him checked with a specialist immediately and see the options for treatment.”“And do we have an idea what are the options?” Tanong ni Papa.“Hindi ako sigurado, Pa. I… I only knew about this now at kahit ako, wala masyadong alam tungkol dito. I will do my own research but..” I held my breath. Wala sa plano kong hindi sabihin sa kanila ito but it’s so hard to keep this a secret. Hindi ko kayan
I meant what I said. Still, I shouldn’t have said it.Nung niyakap ako ni Jake, napagtanto kong kahit na anong galit ko sa kanya, I missed him. Ano bang nangyari nung may sakit siya? While I was hurting, was he hurting too? Of course, he was. He wouldn’t be crying this much if he wasn’t. We could’ve been there for each other. Kung sana, hindi ako tumigil sa pagtatanong kung kamusta na siya, there could’ve been an us.“I won’t. I promise.” Bulong niya sa akin. “I’ll be here for you always, Cass. For you and Jeremy.”It was what I needed to hear. Hindi ko kayang mag-isa ito.I could feel the longing with his stare. His thumb continuously softly brushes my cheek. “I… I lo-”Napahinto kami pareho nung mag-ring ang phone ko. I swiftly moved away in a panic lalo na nung makita ko ang pangalan ni Ivan sa screen. I looked at Jake but he was looking away. I hesitated if I should answer the call, pero hindi ba mas lalong magiging mali kung hindi ko sasagutin? “Hello?” I finally answered.“Hi,
“What?” I don’t know if it was loud enough for Jake to hear dahil kahit ako, hindi ko marinig ang sarili kong boses. What he said played in my mind again and I refuse to believe it. I changed my mind. “Don’t say it again.”I needed to leave here. Kailangan kong lumayo sa kanya. Whatever it was that I was feeling… It hurts so much that I feel numb.“Cass.”“Stay away from me.” I closed my eyes before I ended up breaking down.“Cass, I’m sorry.”“Sige nga.” I challenged him. “What are you sorry for? Because my son is sick? O baka naman dahil sa ginawa mo sa akin noon. Are you sorry for hurting me? Are you sorry I had to go through so much because you left me?”“I didn’t want to leave you.”“But you did, Jake.” I paused while I catch my breath. Nanginginig ako dahil sa sobrang lungkot at galit. “Am I supposed to feel guilty now dahil iniwan mo ko? Don’t say it was because of me because I would’ve wanted to be there. In sickness and in health, Jacob. I was ready to make the promise.”“I wa
It was so stupid of me to let my guards down, but I’m really glad I have him here. It was comforting to know that someone who knows my pain is by my side.I brought myself back to reality when my phone started ringing.Ivan’s name popped on the screen. Lumayo ako kay Jake and took a second to breathe.“Hello. Ivan?”“How are you? Is everything all right? I was calling you and Ellie but no one’s answering. May nangyari ba.”I looked at Jake pero na kay Jeremy na ang attention niya. He was combing Jeremy’s hair.“I’m sorry. May nangyari lang. Inaasikaso kasi namin ngayon si Jeremy.”“Why? What happened” He sounded so worried sick. I can imagine Ivan, with a furrow in his forehead and a worried look on his face. “Okay lang ba siya?”I nodded my head, “Yes, he's fine. Medyo nahirapan lang siyang huminga kanina but he's now sleeping…” “What?” He gasped. “Is he okay? What did the doctor say?”“They are still running some tests.”I am so dizzy. Naubos ata lahat ng lakas ko kanina.“How abou
“Baby... Baby... Are you okay?" Natatarantang tanong ko. I combed his hair and then cupped his cheeks. His lips parted as he breathed heavily, gasping for air.My hand started shaking so badly that I couldn’t touch him anymore.“Ellie!” Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. I searched for something that I can use para paypayan siya. Binigyan naman ako ni Ellie galing sa bag niya at nanginginig na inabot niya sa akin iyon. “Ellie, can you call for an ambulance?”I watched as my son clutched his chest. He closed his eyes and his hand that was holding me tightly lost strength. “Jeremy. Jeremy.” I tapped his cheeks. “Listen to Mommy. Jeremy.”Hinihingal pa rin si Jeremy habang papunta kami sa pinakalapit na hospital. Thakfully, mayroong ten minutes away lang. Hawak-hawak ko ang kamay ni Jeremy. Wala pa rin siyang sinasabi but I could feel his hand holding me. I should be the one calming my son pero parang ako pa tuloy ang kumukuha ng lakas mula sa kanya.Medyo masakitin si Jeremy but it