The Mafia Have Feelings Too

Damian's pov

Tuesday 31st December 2019

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It's my fault Marcus tried to kill himself. I shouldn't have left yet. I should have stayed with him. I should have known what he was planning.

It's too late now though, he's back out the hospital and at home with his boyfriends. I've called him everyday but the guilt is eating me alive. I was already guilty enough after Adrian abused Marcus more than me.

It's my fault, I shouldn't have ever let him go to the warehouse in the first place. I shouldn't have let Adrian hurt Marcus. Every time I see Marcus' scars I get a pain in my heart because I'm the reason they are there.

Orion says it's not my fault, but he's wrong. I've been ignoring his emails since I came back to London. I'm supposed to be going to see him when I move back to be near Marcus but I'm not going to.

Because I'm going to end it now. The rope around my neck is itchy and uncomfortable but I don't care. There is tears falling down my face but I don't bother to wipe them away. My foot leans off the edge of the chair as I get ready to kick it out under me.

I take a deep breath but a ding on my laptop distracts me. I look at the screen and see Nathan has messaged me with a picture of Marcus smiling.

Nathan: He can't wait to see you in a week! He's missed you so much so be ready for cuddles!

I can't do it. I step back onto the chair and untie the rope from my neck. My body trembles as I start sobbing loudly. I sit on the bed and hide my face in my hands as I fight myself not to get back on the chair.

Marcus needs me. I have to wait until he's okay before I leave. I won't tell him about this because I don't want him to worry about me when he's still healing. I can manage this by myself, if I tell Orion he'll stop me from doing it in the future.

I'll hold out until I know Marcus will be okay without me, then I'll take my own life.