DEVAN
It was my mind playing tricks on me for the umpteenth time that day. I couldn't explain what I was feeling at that moment.
Was it the lacy, black, revealing gown that she had put on that suddenly ignited the embers in my chest? Or her shiny black eyes that never seemed to quench?
"Shut the door, Devan." Mum screamed jolting me back to reality. I had gone off already, my thoughts and fictitious images had flown beyond the thinkable.
All eyes were on me now, as I shut the door in embarrassment, and searched for a place to my head in shame. I could feel Ms. Ellen's eyes follow me around the room until I found a secure spot to bury my head.
"Forgive his insolence, he has a very imaginative mind. Did I tell you he was an avid artist? Well, he is, a gifted one at that."
"You never told me this before, Julia." Ms. Ellen responded calling Mum by her first name. None of us dared call her that, but here was Ms. Ellen doing exactly what Mum detested so much. Yet, mum didn't frown or correct, but a smile surfaced on her face.
"You teach in his school, don't you?" Mum quizzed trying to be overly friendly.
"Yes I do." Ms. Ellen replied uninterested, avidly searching for a place to lay down the box of pizza she had brought along.
"Devan, you could show her some of your artworks if you want to?"
"My room's in a bit of mess at the moment." I lied to save them of the bizarre scene of seeing bizarre artworks of naked Ms. Ellen.
"Come over here, and go show her your drawings." She ordered
I dragged my feet across the floor again, in an attempt to annoy her, but she wasn't moved.
"Alright, I don't think you've both had a formal introduction." Mum began, as my legs trembled. 'What was she trying to do?' I could almost hear myself scream.
Immediately I was in front of Ms. Ellen, Mum took my hand, and placed them in Ms. Ellen. "This is Devan, I was talking to you about him earlier on about his drawings. Have you met each other on a previous occasion?"
"Mum, that was just a few moments ago." I said with a grimace.
"I don't think we've had the opportunity to meet, Devan. I'm Ellen, would have had the opportunity to meet you the other day, but you shut the door in my face, and left me in the cold, until your mother came to my rescue."
"I'm really sorry about that ma'am." I whispered, as she cut the handshake abruptly, and placed her hands on her bosom.
"Could we go somewhere else?" She quizzed referring to Mum.
"Of course." Mum replied, and led her through the crowd that had already gathered.
"When does the party actually start?" I heard Dad ask over the loud booming speaker that stood beside him.
I was perturbed, as I watched Ms. Ellen saunter off clinging to Mum's arms. There were so many questions racing through my mind at the same instance.
Why hadn't she recognised me? Why had she acted so indifferently? Hadn't she had the same response in her body just as I had experienced in mine on the first day we had met each other? There were so many questions I wanted to ask at the same time.
However, who was I to explain to that I had fallen in love with my teacher? Or the neighbour next door...? Maybe Robb? But he had chosen drugs over his own family. I knew Matt would have listened, I knew he would have listened. But he wasn't here now. Instead, he was six feets below the ice, buried in it, just where I had left him, cold and dead.
ELLEN
The rain had greatly subsided when I took my leave of the Barker's. It was still freezing cold, that I could almost feel my bones rattling.
I trod the pathway with utmost care. I hadn't been sure of what to put on for the dinner party, so I had just thrown a black gown over my head, and off I went.
It was raining, and so no one was going to care about what I had on, or so I had thought. But this time around, the reverse was the case. Right from the moment the Barker boy called Devan had opened the door, up until I had exited the party, all eyes had been fixated on me.
I had gotten used to stares by now, but Devan's had been sort of intense. Like a 'lost in her eyes' kind of stare. His had seemed more emotional or attached, like the kind I had never seen, except probably in Zach in the early days of their marriage.
Speaking of Zach, I feared what awaited me on my return. I turned the door knob slightly, and found it still locked. I could only hope that he hadn't returned yet.
I dug my key into the keyhole, trying effortlessly to be stealthy as possible. I opened the door successfully, and stole into the sitting room, shoes in hand.
I shut the door behind me, and switched on the lights, and there he was. He was seated comfortably in his favourite reclining chair, with a belt in hand.
"Where have you been, wife?" He began with a loud belch, as the stench of alcohol suddenly filled the room.
"The neighbours invited me over for a party."
"I thought I already warned you on interacting with all these folks who mean no good, wife?" He threw in, with eyes half closed. "Why didn't you request for permission before leaving?"
I could feel perspiration forming on my brows. All the courage I had managed to build up, were being pulled down roughly, until I was left bare.
"I knew you weren't going to agree to me leaving the house to a party." I replied, trying to sound as remorseful as I could.
"Oh!" He exclaimed. "You were very much aware that I wasn't going to agree, and yet you went ahead with it?" He asked staggering to his feet.
"I'm really sorry Zach." I pleaded as he edged towards me.
He shook his head in shame. "What have you done wife?" He lamented grabbing me by the neck.
He reeked of alcohol so much, that I had a sudden nudge to throw up in his face. I fought the urge so badly, because I knew that would only worsen the situation.
He released his grip on my neck, and brought me around to the table. "Now, pick your punishment." He ordered, as his hands dove quickly between my legs.
"Be quick about it." He ordered as he satisfied himself with the flesh beneath my flesh, driving ecstatic pains that seemed to never stop, until I was numb.
ELLEN The ceiling fan whirred softly, barely producing enough air to reduce the heat that enveloped the room. I turned around, trying to find a better position that suited me. BJ's snores took a higher tempo, and I could tell that he was fast asleep now. I turned to my side on the bed, again, grunting and grumbling, as the heat refused to subside. Exhaustion took the better part of me, and I forced myself to a sitting position. What had I expected from a motel as this one. This was the cheapest one I had been able to find. In fact, this was the only place I had been able to afford. Suzy wasn't back to the room yet. She had stepped out to take a call about an hour ago, and hadn't returned since then. I wondered what was taking her time. I stretched out on the bed, and stood to my feet, yawning tiredly. I couldn't sleep, and no matter what I tried, the sleep refused to come. "Ellen?" Suzy called, pushing the door opened, as she stepped in. I stood fac
DEVAN Regrets, and making bad choices went hand in hand. The house hadn't been the same since Mum had realised what she had done. She had suddenly withdrawn into her shell, barely speaking out anymore. I could barely imagine the amount of disappointment she felt at that point, but I wasn't ready to ease her agony so quickly. School was were I buried myself in now, mostly to keep myself busy, and keep the crazy thoughts away. It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Mum sat by the window side, staring blankly through the window, with a steaming hot cup of coffee in her hand. Each time I looked at her, I knew I had to help her, but it was going to be difficult. She always had a hand in everything that went wrong at home. What was a little pain compared to the series of insults that I had been forced to go through in her hands. I held unto the sides of the wheelchair I was seated in, and slowly forced an exhale out. "I see you, Devan." She said, breaking t
ELLEN A loud, startling knock on the door, flung me off the bed in trepidation. I glanced quickly at my feet, and hissed lightly. My shoes were still on, I hadn't taken them off after getting into the room. I sat at the edge of the bed, and began to pull at them, when the knock came again. I took my shoes hastily, and stared blankly at the wall clock. The time read two A.M. However, the time hadn't served as enough deterrent to whoever was banging on my door. Maybe I shouldn't have rented a room at this motel, I should probably have gone for another one. A safer one, perhaps. A thousand and one thoughts ran through my head, as I held my shoe up in my left hand, just in case there was a need for it, and began to move towards the door. Was there a possibility that Devan and Robb had managed to find me so quickly? I couldn't tell, until I opened the damned door. "Who's at the door?" I quizzed, with shaky hands, and a shoe in it. The silence was enough
DEVAN I could almost swear that she had noticed that our gazes were fixed on her, yet, she busied herself about the room, as if she didn't care. My heart ached to ask her all the crazy questions that burned at my heart. Why was she doing this? I heard Dad say something loudly, but we were all too preoccupied to even care at the moment. Mum began humming a song, as she went about her duties. I didn't know what to feel at that moment, anger, or resentment that she had only noticed me, after Matt's death. "Ms Barker, could I please get something to eat? It was a long walk from school." Sam pleaded, as Mum beamed a wide smile at him. "Of course, Sammy Boy. You're always welcome here. What would like me to get you?" She quizzed, scratching at her elbows agitatedly. Sam's fingers flew to his head, for a brief moment, as if trying to come up with something, and then thy dropped to his side again weakly. "Anything is fine, ma'am. I wouldn't want to be so much o
ELLEN My eyes opened as Robb brought the car to a halt. I exhaled deeply, excited all over again. I was finally home, and although I didn't know where my home was yet though,but I was excited. "You look happy." Robb commented, as the engine died down. I nodded, and beamed a smile at him. "Well, I should be. I was away for too long." He chuckled lightly, and stared at me with a confusing gaze. "You think so? Things aren't the same as you left them." "Oh, come on, Robb. Everything's just fine." "No, it isn't!" He snapped, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. I was taken aback by his reaction. I lifted my hand gently, and rested it on his arm, as he sighed. "What's going on, Robb? Tell me." "Ellen..." He began swallowing deeply. "There's something I should have told you before, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." "What are you talking about, Robb? Spill it already." "It's not good, I promise ." I faked a smile, and patted his a
DEVAN Time they say, had a way of doing things to you, changing you, breaking you, or making you. In all of these processes, you were considered as a chief factor, and I was in this one, somehow. Mornings were usually the busiest, school work, and having to endure the taunting and long stares from everyone at school. Not like I cared much though, but driving through the school halls always had a way of reminding me of a life I had once lived, in fear and in the shadows. That life was due for a change. Maybe, it was time I did something really meaningful with my life. I didn't know what it was then, but I was getting there. It was only going to take a short while now. I tapped my hands gently against the wheelchair, as I drove through the halls receiving the usual whispers, and hushed talks from the bunch of students around the hallway. Exhaustion got the better of me, as I shook my head slightly in pity. "You don't look so good, Devan." A voice said behind m
ELLEN Cups of coffee sat on the table between us, and the rising sun behind us. I was clearly exhausted, and how much I ached to free myself from Cullen's piercing eyes. He was quiet, and a little distant than I had known him to be. With eyes fixed on me, watching every move, and every gesture that I made. I didn't know what to do, or think. I mean, after all the time I had spent rehearsing, and coming up with words to say to him, when I finally got the chance to, yet here I was, as mute and silent as a lamb. "What's in your mind?" He quizzed, staring intently into my face. I shook my head slightly, regaining myself. "Nothing," I said hurriedly. "I mean, you're the one who's been withdrawn. You weren't like this the last time I saw you. What's happened to you?" He chuckled softly, and sipped at his coffee. "I'm the same person, Ellen. You just didn't know this part of me." I nodded in pretense. And of course, I didn't understand a word he had uttered.
DEVAN Somehow, all of this still seemed pretty new to me. I had my memory back, and honestly, I had never felt as alive, as I did right now. I rode my wheelchair around the house in impatience, I was alone at home. Robb hadn't returned since he left, and now Mum also was taking too much time at the hospital. It had been a long while since I had been at the house, it seemed different from the last time. Probably because I had my legs then? Sad. A car honk blared loudly, and I drove to the window hurriedly. And just as I expected, it was Mum helping Dad out of the car. Matt's death had tightened the cords that held us as a family. Maybe that was what we had ended? A little it of something macabre? I shook my head hastily to clear it of the thoughts that filled it. Mum was at the door now with Dad. I didn't know what to do, I just sat there waiting for the door to be pushed open. In a moment, Mum stepped into the house, and Dad began turning his head around hu
ELLEN I clearly didn't look forward to the break of day. I knew what Suzy was going to do, but still, I wasn't ready to succumb to her demand. It had been a long night, and as far as I could remember, I had barely blinked an eye. Suzy had barely slept also, as I had felt her toss from side to side on the bed next to me. She wanted to get her life back, and I wanted mine also. And there was no possible way I was going to sacrifice living the very life I had fantasized about living, just because she needed my help. That wasn't fair to me. That morning, I had gone about my regular business just like the previous night, and from what I could tell, Suzy wasn't interested in me, just as I wasn't also. I mean, we were both so different, but yet, there was this kind of connection that I felt like we both shared unknowingly. I was bent over a bag, as I arranged a few stuff I had left into it. Big Joe hadn't even been kind enough to let me come back to the house to